If life could give me one blessing...

Apology accepted - part 2

"You know, you really scared us there," sighed Vesemir as he sat on the bed next to Jaskier, finally foregoing the uncomfortable stool for soft mattress when the bard-unicorn shuffled to the side. It was shortly after lunch, Ciri having her lessons with the purple-eyed sorceress, the other witchers either training outside, or scattered around the keep with their repair jobs.

The bard looked healthier. He wasn't so out of it anymore, his skin regaining a bit of its color, and the food they fed him getting some meat back onto his bones. His feet were finally healed after two weeks in bed and by now he would have been able to walk around the keep again if he had shoes.

"I'm sorry," he said, eyes looking down on the cup of steaming tea in his hands.

"I have never imagined that the bard travelling with Geralt could have been you, you know? It seems like yesterday that we said our goodbyes," the old wolf said, leaning on one of the bedposts.

"It feels like it. It took me a few years until he told me enough for me to realize that that revered stern Vesemir was actually silverhair," the smile on his lips was fond. Almost like the one he wore on his face all those years ago.

"I still don't get it why you didn't want to know my name in all those years," Vesemir shook his head.

"Well, I guess that is a unicorn thing. It wasn't important to me, because in my heart you were silverhair from the moment I saw you. We don't really use our names in the woods as we have no need for them. After years in human body, I can understand now, that names work differently in this society. After all, if I still went by Zima, you would've known the first time somebody told you about a bard going by that name. And I guess it was more interesting not knowing how others called you. Getting to know you from the wolves' perspectives before connecting the dots," he shrugged his shoulders, taking a sip of the warm liquid.

"Hmmm," Vesemir grumbled.

"But after all, I just... I feel like I owe you an apology," the old wolf said, looking into those blue eyes that widened slightly in surprise.

"Apology? For what, my dear friend?" he asked. Not with the level of curiosity Vesemir was used to, but he would take what he was given.

"For how I raised Geralt," the old master sighed and watched the bard's brows furrow as he already began opening his mouth but Vesemir stopped him.

"I know what you want to say but listen. I know I did my best at the time, I know I shared the struggle with you before and I know what you said. But still, even though it was my best, I cannot help but regret certain things. If I didn't raise him this emotionally stunted, if I cared about their minds and hearts half as much as I did about their strength, we wouldn't be here today," the wolf shook his head, voice filled with regret, while Jaskier's eyes were again filling with silver.

"I was always so worried they would die that I only cared about them staying alive and living by the code to prevent even more hate towards our kind. It didn't even cross my mind to think about whether their lives would be happy," the old master felt ages old guilt clogging his throat and he tried to clear it by coughing.

"Oh, stop it silverhair. Vesemir. How many times have we talked about this already? I know that as a unicorn I didn't have the best insight into the raising of at least partially human children, but now I know. I have travelled, studied, lived. I have seen many things and you have given those boys something not even many humans have, something you didn't have when you grew up. Home," the bard threw his hands out, gesturing towards the room. Towards the keep.

"But still. You cannot deny what has happened. Geralt... I messed up with him. He was always so reliable I didn't think he was struggling that badly. And now? I feel like I failed both of you in the end," Vesemir shook his head.

"While I am still not over what has happened between us, that is not your fault. We all make mistakes. And as long as we are alive, there is still time to try to fix them," Jaskier reached out and gently caressed the old witcher's face with his thin fingers.

"And it could've ended much worse. We were lucky, we were given another chance. I don't care if it's destiny, or just a coincidence, but I could've died. I could've lost all of myself to that void that was filling me and get lost forever. I didn't... And while it hurts me still, I think that it's my human body helping me. The one you helped me gain. And the fact that Geralt didn't die, which is the usual way for unicorns to break each other's hearts. We don't really do break ups back there," he smiled.

"Hmmm, your human body helping?" the wolf tilted his head in interest.

"I think so. And if not body, then it would be those forty years I spent amongst humans. Even though their usual bodies are quite weak, their heart is much stronger in what it can take. I..." he stopped for a minute, looking out of the window, before continuing.

"When I was out of it, I felt it. The other side. I couldn't go there, because that was not where Geralt went. But of course, my heart was broken, so as a unicorn I couldn't exactly stay alive. It was as if the last journey continued even in my mind. Every minute I walked further away. Away from all that made me, me. From the pain, from the sadness, but also from the nice things. It didn't feel bad or anything, it just didn't feel.

But... After all those years of watching people struggle every day and not giving up, I guess I also didn't want to fade just like that. When I woke up and you were there, it was like a fresh breeze blew away bits of mist. I saw the old memories again, remembered life before Geralt.

And then the other wolfs and Ciri came. Just seeing them once or twice, talking, dreaming about the things I have fallen in love with... I realized I am no unicorn anymore. I wouldn't fit in with them now. I have become more human than I would've thought possible. And with that came the realization.

Even if Geralt broke the part of my heart that belonged to him, he didn't own it whole. I am not like the others of my kind, for I have fallen in love with everything I saw and did. I have fallen in love with the wind, with the music, with the sun... So you see? I will be okay again.

I am not going to die of broken heart, because I only lost a piece. And through time I can work on regaining most of it back," he smiled genuinely this time and the old wolf felt his heart grow a size just like that.

"We can help you with that," Vesemir said, feeling immense relief flowing through his body, when he realized that he really didn't lose his friend this time. That Zima, or Jaskier, has decided on living.

"Oh, come here. I could use some hugs right now. It's a heart repairing activity, okay?" Jaskier crooned, plastering himself into the witcher's chest, sighing happily when the strong arms held him. Vesemir breathed in the life and spring returning to the bard's smell and felt the tension leave his shoulders. He could also use some hugs, he decided swiftly, closing his eyes and letting himself rest. It was nice.