𝑷𝑹𝑨𝑪𝑻𝑰𝑪𝑬 𝑳𝑶𝑽𝑬 (𝟏𝟖+)

𝟐𝟖. 𝐈 𝐂𝐀𝐍'𝐓 𝐃𝐎 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐒

𝑹𝑶𝑺𝑨́𝑳𝑰𝑨 𝑭𝑼𝑪𝑯𝑰𝑵𝑶

I can't do it.

I want to, but I can't.

I was home alone as Sariah was out getting some things for dinner tonight. It had been a couple of weeks now since we got back, and I was much bigger than I was when I left Aldamar.

I loathe that man, with all my being. I don't know what they did to him, but I know he is dead and is burning in the pits of hell.

Tears pricked my eyes as I held a razor blade to my stomach, my hands shaky and sweaty as I bit my lip.

I can't do this.

I looked up at myself in the mirror, my cheeks stained with tears, my lips chapped, and my hair all over the place.

I looked a mess. I wasn't like this before; I was always so adamant about keeping my body looking brand new and not looking like some hobo.

But after my experience with him and the trauma he put me through, I lost every bit of myself.

I sighed as I recollected myself, my lip quivering as more tears pricked my eyes. I stared at my somewhat swollen stomach.

Being pregnant is the best thing that could happen to a woman who has always wanted to have kids, but knowing that the father of your child is a sick predator who kidnapped people and tortured them, makes the image of being pregnant with their baby, more of a nightmare than a dream.

I fucking hate life.

I placed the razor back against my stomach. I cried out in pain as I slowly slid the blade across my stomach.

Blood gushed out from the small cut. I paused in my tracks as I felt something I never felt before, something that made me forget what I was doing and made a small gasp escape me.

It was the baby. It was kicking. I slumped against the sink as I burst into a fit of more tears.

"I'm sorry,"

I wrapped my arms around my stomach, slowly calming down as I felt my baby kick some more. A small smile spread across my face.

My baby.

I thought back to what Sariah said on the plane. Maybe I should keep the baby. I can raise it good, make sure they don't turn out like their father.

Whoever it is.

"Rose, I'm home. I brought the stuff you asked for, but they ran out of those hot fries you wanted, so I just got the cheesy kind."

I jumped quickly, trying to stand up. I heard loud footsteps coming up the stairs, my anxiety through the roof as fear slowly filled me.

"Hey Rose, everything alright?" Sariah paused, her eyes widening at the small puddles of blood on the floor, her eyes traveling up to my arm-wrapped stomach.

"Rose, what the fuck did you do?"

I shivered in fear as Sariah shot me a cold glare. I shook my head. "N-nothing, I just had a small accident," I whispered.

"Doesn't fucking look like it. What did you do, and don't fucking lie to me," she asked, raising her voice. I gulped, removing my arms from my stomach. Sariah's face contorted from anger to shock as she saw what I did.

She quickly lunged at me, kneeling down to my stomach. "WHY, ROSE, WHY," she shouted.

I bit my lip, looking everywhere else but at Sariah. My heart shattered as my best friend started crying, looking under the sink for the first aid kit.

"I fucking leave you home alone for 2 hours, and you do some shit like this."

I winced as she put pressure on my wound, although she was pissed, she didn't hurt me. Intentionally at least.

"Your lucky the cut isn't deep, or else we have to take you to the doctors,"

"I'm sorry." I apologized. Sariah had been silent after she got done cleaning me up.

I felt ashamed and disappointed in myself. This wouldn't be happening if I had just ignored the negative thoughts and stayed watching television.

But I couldn't help it.

"Rose,"

I looked up from my hands to my doorframe where Sariah stood. She had changed out of her outside clothes and had put on some leggings with a SpongeBob shirt.

"Yes?"

She sighed, walking over and sitting by me. "I'm not mad at you, I promise. I was just mad because I wasn't here to stop you."

I slowly nodded. "I'm sorry, I don't know what I was thinking."

I lied. I do know what I was thinking. I just didn't want her to be more pissed than she already is.

Sariah is the kind of person who claims she's not upset, but in reality, she is, and the reason she gives for not being mad is actually the very reason that's bothering her.

It all goes quiet. Sariah wraps her arms around me as I softly cry into her shoulder.

"Wanna talk about it, or no?" She asked. I shrugged as I stared at my feet.

"I need a verbal response, Rose."

I close my eyes, thinking back on the situation, everything I went through leading up to now, all the pain and torture me and those kids went through. Only the kids went through worse.

I've seen and heard it all. The pleas, the tears, the screams. Everything.

Maybe I should talk about it. Maybe I should try and speak with someone about my trauma, starting with Sariah. She's the closest person I know, and I know she will understand, but right now, she is upset.

"Rose, you good?"

"Huh?" I hum. "What happened?"

She chuckled a bit. "I said we'll talk when you're ready. Judging from your face, you aren't ready to talk. But when you are, I will always be here." She smiled.

I smiled, tears brimming my eyes again as I hugged her tightly. "Thank you, Riah."