Unholy Desires

Adoration

That was the most horrific confession I've ever experienced. But none of that matters now, because I've been looking forward to tonight all week. Adoration with the handmaids. Incense, song, prayer, there wasn't a lot that could be better. Not to mention how great it would be to spend time with the handmaids before they went back to the Mother House that summer.

I arrived at the chapel that evening, waiting outside with two of the sisters. The spring air was warm and sweet with the scent new growth, soft music caught on the breeze. Sister Beatrice strummed her guitar and Sister Eliza quietly hummed a harmony to the tune.

"Do you have any idea how many people are going to show up?" I asked. The answer didn't really matter to me either way, I just enjoyed making conversation with them.

Sister Eliza paused her song to reply, "I think a few of my high schoolers will show up, not too sure about anyone else though."

And sure enough there they were. A car full of sophomores spilled out into the parking lot. They crowded around the three of us, talking amongst themselves and the Sisters. A few tried bargaining for an out on the quiz they had on Thursday. "Come on, we showed up here, can't you just count that instead?"

Sister Eliza laughed and shook her head. "I'm very glad you came but I can't exempt you from the quiz!" She then leaned in and whispered, "But I can give you a few extra credit points." The girl the was talking to beamed and then went to tell her friends the good news.

A short time passed and then I asked, "Are we still waiting for anyone or can we go in?"

"Just Father Daniel," Sister Beatrice answered. Wonderful! I love getting to see the cause of almost all of my problems! Even through the anxiety I couldn't help but feel a little excited. But I still wasn't too keen on talking to him after that horrific confession.

I mentally beat myself for the exuberant stupidity that I had displayed. I mean, really, did I have to go into that much detail? I think not! I continued this mental smack down for a bit longer until the ever so familiar footsteps shook me from the barrage of insults I hurled at myself.

"I hope I'm not too late, everyone." There he was smiling, all tragically beautiful and out of breath. "There was a priest emergency, I got here as quickly as I could." He panted. I only had a moment to wonder what exactly a "priest emergency" was before filing into the chapel with the others.

I slid into the pew waiting for the Blessed Sacrament to be displayed. The fragrant incense making the room hazy and dreamlike. Finally the precession began. The Sisters' voices blended with the guitar and piano, crescendoing as Father joined in; kneeling before the altar. It was a scene ripped straight from a Renaissance painting.

He at last placed the Eucharist into the monstrance sending the entire chapel into a state
of pure reverence. The music stopped. The air stilled. And for a few moments it was only me and Christ. God looked at me, and I at Him. And there was nothing more that could be more beautiful than that. To both be beheld, and to behold in love.

Ever so slowly the beginning chords of the next song began to play. Come to the Altar. My absolute favorite. I let every word and note penetrate my very being. The voices of the Sisters swelled with the music, every lyric bursting with pure emotion.

The thought suddenly struck me of how absolutely privileged I was to be here. I got to experience some of the most angelic sounds that can be produced by man. The soprano tones falling into an ocean of alto. Truly no other word could even begin to describe it other than gorgeous.

I slipped my hand into my pocket and pulled out my rosary. It was a delicate thing, ruby red beads and gold chain. The crucifix cool against my palm and lips. However, at about halfway through the first decade I felt a tap on my shoulder. "Scooch,"

Father Daniel stood on the outside of the pew, towering over me. Even more than usual. As confused as I was, I obliged, and he took the spot next to me. Though I tried my best to continue and ignore him, there's only so much one girl can do when the man who's just heard, in detail, everything you want him to do to you is close enough to feel the body heat of.

What did he want from me? Was this some twisted retribution for the most heinous crime of finding the conventionally attractive man attractive? Whatever, it's not like I can do much about it other than try to control myself. A task I had quite successfully accomplished, even with the smell of his cologne intoxicating every breath I took.

At last, he stood, his cop swaying as he walked to the front of the chapel. The last songs of the Benediction both began and ended. The Most Holy Sacrament stowed away safely in the Tabernacle. Another moment of silence, and finally we left.

The Sisters passed out GirlScout cookies as people congregated around the benches. "We just don't know what to do with all of this food!" Sister Beatrice cried. "People just keep on donating and donating! It's a good thing don't get me wrong, but what do we do with all of it?"

My mouth was still full of cookie when Sister Eliza pulled me aside. "Do you know what you're doing next weekend? Because there's a retreat I'd really love to have you attend."

I raised my eyebrows. "What kind of retreat?"

"It's a women's retreat for all of the twenty-somethings to see what religious life is like! I know that you brought up wanting to see what daily life is like for us and I thought this would be a good opportunity!" She beamed.

It was true, a while back I was curious about seeing if I wanted to be a handmaid. But that was before the whole gorgeous priest thing. However, it was an excuse to hang out with Sister, and any excuse for that is a good excuse. So I checked my calendar and signed up.

I was just about to leave when I felt a hand on my shoulder. Father Daniel. "Hey, I, uh, want to apologize for my behavior at work the other day. You should be allowed to have your own life outside of the parish. And, it's probably a good thing you have other options outside of me." He laughed a little awkwardly.

"Oh, yeah, it's no problem. I probably shouldn't have been drinking on a work night in the first place anyways." I said, trying as subtly as I could to sneak my way over to the door.

"Well, I guess I'll see you at work tomorrow!" He called.

"Yep, for sure!" I shouted back.

Finally I crashed down in my car. I would be hard pressed to find a conversation that has been more awkward than that. Suddenly, a terrible thought hit me. He didn't know it was his number.