The Fifth Healer

52.

I undo my seatbelt and start walking down the center aisle, only to see Ainsley disappear into the lavatory, not stop at the snack cabinets as I'd expected. Well, I can't turn back to my seat now. That would look weird. The next best thing, I guess, is just to stand there and wait for her. However, that comes with its own flavor of weird. But I've walked too far now. I'm committed to the back-of-the-plane position.

Past the big seats in the front, the plate is fitted with two large eating tables with built-in benches, and then, in the very back, two shiny black leather couches. I stand in front of the bathroom door, waiting for Ainsley to finish. Realizing I should busy myself instead of hovering here like a creep, I turn to step over to the counter and grab a small bite of buttery, flaky baklava. As I chew, Ainsley opens the door, finding me standing inches away. She lets out a tiny yelp and then jumps backward.

"What the hell, Nikolai! You scared me!"

"I-sorry," I say, mouth full. "That wasn't my intention."

She steps out, holding the lavatory door open for me. When I don't go in, she gives me a puzzled look.

"You're not going in?"

I frown and shake my head.

"Just creeping outside the restroom? Hobby of yours?"

"Actually, I wanted to talk to you."

She lets the door shut and shuffles over to the counter in the kitchen, leaning back against the marbled granite countertop.

"No, Nikolai, can we just-can we not? Please?"

"You don't understand everything that's going on here-"

"Clearly."

"If you'll just let me explain a little, I think-"

"You're right. I don't understand everything that's going on here. But I understand enough to know you have some serious issues to work out. And that's cool, you know? We all have our stuff we gotta work on. But I already have enough baggage in my life right now. I can't take on yours, too."

"But earlier, it's not what it looked like. I wasn't just walking out on you."

"Really? Because it looked and felt a hell of a lot like you did exactly that."

"Physically, yes, I did walk away, but it's not because I wanted to."

"Let me guess. You had a meeting for the Elizabethan reenactment club?"

"What-no-"

"Nikolai, nobody made you leave. You did that. That's the choice you made. Now you have to live with the consequences, consequences which don't include me."

"That's unfair."

"Oh, unfair?" she laughs unhappily. "Unfair? Now life's supposed to be fair? Here I'm dying of terminal cancer, I've got my one shot at saving myself, some kind of magic or whatever the ef that dropped out of the sky, and guess what else dropped down, a cute and quirkily charming boy who acts like he likes me but then turns out to have the emotional availability of a pet rock and the relational maturity of your average potted fern. One minute, he's holding my hand, all hot and bothered, but whenever we get too close, attraction flips to revulsion, and he literally runs out of the room. How fair does that sound to you?"

I bite my lip, knowing I can't argue with any of that, as much as I'd like to. I turn around and notice Niles looking back at us. Could he hear that from up front? I hope not. Not only is it all embarrassingly accurate stuff about me, but Ainsley also mentioned her cancer, and I don't think she wanted anyone else to know about that yet.