Sturniolo Hurtfics/one shots

𝙈𝘼𝙏𝙏: when you call my name

The day Chris left, was the day another half of Matt died.

So many things changed. The house used to be buzzing with activity, but now it was quiet and sad.

Matt would walk around like a zombie, sulking with his head down. It was like there was always a large, gray cloud following him everywhere, pouring rain nonstop. He truly tried to be productive with cleaning and cooking, but he couldn't even feed himself.

Nick completely isolated himself in his room. Maybe he was taking the loss worse than Matt was. He didn't blame Nick, but he did get upset. It was a bit selfish, Matt thinks.

But people have their own coping mechanisms, and Matt's was pretending that everything was okay, even with the big, obvious cloud hovering above his head.

Sometimes he would mindlessly walk into the living room and sit on the couch, staring at the ground with dull eyes. He sat for a solid five minutes, before getting up and just going back to his room to cry.

Nothing was normal anymore.

Matt would look around and imagine a normal day. He would drown himself in that delusion. Chris would be in the kitchen, grabbing a Pepsi. Nick would be telling Chris to be quiet, and Matt would stay out of it, because that's what they were happy with.

But that was not the reality anymore. It was hard to accept that Chris was gone. There was no more laughter, no more jokes, no more hugs. Just a void. A void that Matt couldn't seem to fill.

It was pure silence. Matt had begun thinking he lived alone with how silent Nick was. Maybe he wasn't even alive anymore.

That would be the end of Matt.

There was no real reason to Chris's suicide. Well, no reason that Matt was aware of. Maybe it was the constant criticism and hate online, or maybe it was just something that happened in his head. Whatever it was, it was too much for him to handle.

Matt never thought he was emotionally dependent on his brothers, but now he knew how much he couldn't function without them.

It was as if Nick left that day too, because in one way, he did.

Matt avoided downstairs like the plague. He couldn't even look down the stairs without feeling a deeper sense of sadness.

The sadness was taking over. It was cruel and bitter, like a cold, harsh wind that sliced through Matt's soul. He could feel it in his bones, in his muscles, in his very core. It was a pain that he had never experienced before, and he wasn't sure how much more of it he could take.

He couldn't leave like Chris. He didn't want to.

Matt was unsure of how Nick would even be alive. He did leave food at his door, but it seemed like a barely took a nibble.

Everything was just so quiet. The silence in the house, the weight of the air, it all pressed down on Matt, making it hard to breathe. It was like living in a tomb, with only the occasional creak of the floorboards to remind him that he wasn't alone.

Matt felt like he was dead, migrating from one destination just to go back again. He felt like he had a limit of where he could go, but it was only to his room and the kitchen. He'd find himself just standing in the hallway, staring at the door to his room, or the stairs leading down to where Chris was. Sometimes, he would close his eyes, just to block out the pain, but it always seemed to find its way back.

Now that he thought about it, he could hardly remember the last few days before everything played out. He couldn't remember anything about Chris's moods.

Looking through old videos and posts filled Matt with a sadness like no other. It was as if he was reliving it all over again. He felt like he was drowning in a sea of memories, each one more painful than the last.

It was hard to believe that it had only been a few weeks since everything happened. It felt like an eternity.

Watching Chris be happy on those videos broke him. Hearing his voice killed him a little more. The weight of it all was too much. He had to stop. Matt couldn't take it anymore. He wanted to forget. He wanted to pretend that none of it had ever happened.

He needed Nick.

But for now, he'll just clutch his pillow and sob into it.

Matt never thought he would be this fucking sad.

It was like his entire world had been ripped out from under him, and there was no way to piece it back together.

Every time he closed his eyes, he saw Chris's face, that same smile that had lit up the internet for years, now etched into his memory forever. It was like a knife in his heart, every time he thought about it.

He tried to distract himself with anything he could find. He played video games, watched movies, even tried to talk to people online. But no matter what he did, it all felt hollow.

Like he was going through the motions, but not really living. He missed Chris so much, it was physically painful.

He wondered if this was how Chris felt before he did it. If he had been this miserable for days, weeks, months. It made Matt sick to his stomach to think about it.

Maybe if he'd been there for Chris, maybe if he'd just listened more, maybe if he'd been less of a shitty brother... maybe things would be different. Maybe Chris would still be here.

Matt prefers feeling sad over feeling numb, like he had no emotion to give. He wanted everything to be normal again. He wanted his brothers back.

He hardly had any pieces of himself left, he was only made up of Nick and Chris.

Matt was no longer happy, and he didn't believe he could ever be happy again without Chris, even if Nick got better.

There was no one to comfort him in this cold, empty house. He sobbed into the darkness, sometimes wondering if Nick could hear him falling apart without the comfort of his older brother.

Maybe he felt guilty. A tiny part of Matt hoped. The tiny part that wanted help.