SpongeBob: I can't imagine what Plankton is planning. But I can tell you two things. We won't like it and it won't be legal.
Sandy: Go to hell!
Plankton: Where do you think I come from?
SpongeBob: Sometimes I'll start a sentence and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way.
SpongeBob: *Kicks the door open, looking panicked*
Sandy: What did you do?!
SpongeBob: NOBODY DIED!
Sandy: WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT?!
Mr.Krabs: Okay, help me, please!
Squidward: Got two words for you.
Mr.Krabs: I bet they won't be helpful.
Squidward: Your problem.
Mr.Krabs: I was right.
Squidward: You’re kind of a pushover, aren’t you, SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: …I’m sorry.
Squidward: See!? That’s exactly what I’m talking about!
SpongeBob: Are you having another depressive episode?
Squidward: A depressive episode?
Squidward: I'm having a depressive series and we're just on season one.
SpongeBob: I desire moisture.
Literally anyone: Please just say "I want water" like a normal person.
Plankton, referring to SpongeBob and Squidward: Those guys are dorks.
Mr.Krabs: Yes, but they’re my dorks.
SpongeBob: If karma doesn't hit you, I fucking will.
SpongeBob: Think you can unlock the door for us?
Mr.Krabs: Sure, I just need a couple of things. Squidward, can I have your credit card?
Squidward: Sure, just make sure not to bend it.
Mr.Krabs: Thanks. Now Patrick, break down the door!
Squidward: Huh!?!
Plankton: *makes SpongeBob a cup of tea but puts salt in it*
SpongeBob: *sips tea*
Plankton: ...?
SpongeBob: *finishes tea*
Plankton: Didn't it taste bad?
SpongeBob: Yeah, but I didn't want to hurt your feelings so I drank it all.
Plankton, tearing up: Oh, okay.
*In response to receiving a gift*
SpongeBob: Wow! That’s awesome! I’ll pay you back!
Squidward: You didn’t have to get this for me…
Plankton: S-stupid! Now I HAVE to get you something!
Patrick: Th-thanks, but why?
Karen: Oh my! I can’t accept a gift like this!
Mr.Krabs: Did you keep the receipt?
Squidward: Hey, quick question. How petty am I allowed to be?
Sandy: You remind me of the ocean.
SpongeBob: Because I'm deep and mysterious?
Sandy: No, because you're full of salt and you scare people.
Squidward: Are you ever going to listen to me?
SpongeBob: Yes. Absolutely.
Squidward: When?
SpongeBob: When you're right.
*Squidward drunkenly wanders around the house and SpongeBob is drunkenly giggling*
Sandy, completely sober: *sighs* Well, looks like it's just me and you against the world, Patrick?
Patrick, going to his rock: Nope, just you. *shuts rock*
Cop: You ran a red light.
Plankton: So did you, hypocrite.
Cop: I was following you.
Plankton: That was dumb, I'm a terrible driver.
Cop: Get out.
Squidward: Tommorrow's garbage day.
SpongeBob: I can't believe they made a whole day dedicated to you.
Plankton: I have yet to encounter a problem where a ray gun didn't factor into the solution at least in some way.
Mr.Krabs: I wouldn’t wish that upon my worse enemy!
Mr.Krabs: Unless of course. . We’re talking about my enemy, Plankton. Fuck you Plankton, you know what you did!
Squidward: This should be illegal!
Patrick: It is.
Plankton: Look, I know we don’t always see eye to eye but—
SpongeBob: Thats because your too short to do so.
Plankton: ...Listen here you fucking—
SpongeBob: Like, no offense to myself and all, but what the fuck am I actually doing?
Sandy: Squidward...
Squidward: I can tell by the tone of your voice that you are disappointed. Alas, I must further disappoint you by affirming how little I give a fuck.
Squidward: Italics.
Patrick: Yeah, Italians.
*Patrick is ordering a cake over the phone*
Shop Employee: …and what would you like your cake to say?
Patrick, covering the phone to look at The Squad: Do we want a talking cake?
SpongeBob: *is visibly upset*
Karen: SpongeBob, what happened? I haven't seen you like this since you found out candyland wasn't an actual country.
Sandy: Is… Is that meant to be on fire?
SpongeBob: No… not really.
Sandy: Are you going to do something about it?
SpongeBob: Hm… nah.
(I'll work on part two later part 1 is finally done)
