Congratulation... Captain?

Chapter 16 - SILENCE

White, everything is white.

Empty...everything empty.

Nothing describes the emptiness.

Emotionlessness?

Pain? A stone that lies on top of you and you can't push it away, no matter how hard you try.

Andy sits quietly on the edge of the hospitalbed. Her expression is blank and emotionless. Like a shell without life. Carina comes into the hospital room with a report. "Andy....I have the discharge papers here. Y/N is waiting for you. She will accompany you." She leaves the room and gives you the discharge papers. "You can get psychological help at any time. Get in touch when you're ready...she'll need it..." and with that Carina leaves. You stand in the doorway, silently watching Andy. She hasn't spoken a single word since she woke up, neither to you nor to the doctors. You go to her, unsure how to behave, you sit down next to her. "I've packed everything...let's go home" you say softly.

"I'm not going...without my baby" Andy says this with a seriousness, her look as serious as her words.

"Andy...babe...we'll try again anytime until it works again..." you don't even know if that's the best answer, just want her to feel better. "I'm going...not-without-my-baby!" Tears come to her eyes. The shock is still too deep to realize what has happened.

"Andy the baby is dead" harsh words from your mouth, but she finally looks at you without saying anything. Andy's emotions are on a rollercoaster. Accepting the pain of loss is difficult, but inevitable. She does her best not to break down, but with the conscience of leaving the hospital, the truth comes up. She puts her head on your shoulder and lets her emotions run free. You hold her tightly in your arms and cry with her. Carina closes the door quietly so that you are undisturbed. Just the two of you in the cold and empty hospital room. A good half an hour has passed when Andy has finally calmed down a little. She could easily pass for a dead zombie at a Halloween festival, she looks so exhausted.

You cuddle close together, not letting her go for a second, afraid she will crumble to dust if you release your grip. You carefully release the embrace, pick up all the luggage and look at Andy. She finally gets up and goes with you. On the way out, it feels like everyone is staring, like they all know what happened. But in reality, they are just strangers. You leave the hospital, heading straight home. When you arrive, Andy sits down on your couch. In the meantime, you make some tea.

When you get to her, she is lying huddled up with her face to the wall of the couch. You put the tea on the table, take a soft blanket and wrap Andy in it. Again and again you hear quiet sobs. You turn the TV on quietly, snuggle up to her and are just there for her when, after a while, the doorbell rings. Maya is at the door with Fortuna. "Hey, here's your furry fluffy. She's been a super good girl" You smile gratefully.

"How is she?" Maya asks quietly, looking sad. "She needs time, it will take time, but we'll manage" you promise Maya and say goodbye. Fortuna comes in and goes to Andy to cuddle up close to her. She lovingly scratches her ears and hugs Fortuna only to let her tears run free again.

The next day, you wake up on the couch with Andy and Fortuna next to you. You decide to make breakfast and look at Fortuna. "Well girl, would you like some food?" She wags her tail happily, "then we'll go for a walk. Andy rolls over, one of her arms falls off the couch while she is still asleep. You can't help but smile, lovingly take her arm and put it up to her. You give her a kiss and notice a single tear running down her face. "oh Andy...I wish I could do more to help you..." You cover her up more, watch her wistfully and have to wipe a tear away yourself.

Andy slowly wakes up while you continue making breakfast. She sits up slowly, clutches her head and yawns exhaustedly. When she sees Fortuna, you see the first small smile on her face. Finally. You are so happy to finally see Andy smile and put breakfast on the table for her. "Hey good morning my beautiful" She stares silently at the food. "it's ok...take your time" You get up and pick up Fortuna's dishes and leash when you feel Andy's gaze on you. "I want to come with you" she says and gets up to freshen up. "Really?" you ask her in surprise and look after her. She ties her hair into a simple bun and puts on her pink cuddly sweater.