His Eyes Above Mine

man down

I have no adrenaline. Usually in these situations your fight or flight kicks in, but currently I had nothing. All the tears that I was going to the bathroom to release streamed down my face now. I was crying about my brother, about my best friend's being in danger. I was crying mainly, though, because I was being tightly held against my history teacher's chest.

His hands were cold, and his arm pressed so hard into my stomach my intestines shifted. Bonnie stood three feet in front of us. She made the air listen to her. She was pushing and throwing around a man twice her size and age with a thought. So Alaric, or not Alaric, held me in front of him as a shield. Bonnie's nose was bleeding, I could tell this was taking a lot out of her. Her eyes looked straight into mine. I knew what she was thinking, and I wouldn't allow it.

"I don't understand," I whimpered. Alaric's arm pressed harder into my body. Another sob left my throat. Bonnie wouldn't hurt him as long as I was here. But she had to.
"Please," I said to Bonnie. My throat burned from crying so much.
"I'm okay to die, Bonnie. Do what you have to," I pleaded.
"Silence!" His hand gripped my throat harshly.
"You move an inch, Miss Bennett, and your friend is gone," he stated. His voice haunted us both.

"Bonnie, come on!" I giggled. My curls were whipping in front of my face as I ran, but I didn't care much. I got this cool new bicycle, and I had to show my best friend!
"Ava, you're going too fast," Bonnie complained. I kept running, and face planted straight onto the concrete. Bonnie's little breaths clouded me as she helped lift me up.
"You have a bruise," she said, pointing at my bloody knee.
"I'll fix it," she grinned.
"Close your eyes." I listened to Bonnie's whisper and shut my eyes. I opened them and my knee was fine, just a little leftover blood.

"I don't see a first aid kit," I pouted, confused on how she did that.
"It's a secret," she smiled.
"You've always been my favorite," I whispered, in the name of secrets.
"Me too." Bonnie held my hand. Our giggles rang through my ears as I opened my eyes again.

"Get her out of here." Damon rushed in, Stefan behind him. I looked around confused as I saw Bonnie laying on the floor with Elena crying beside her body. Stefan lifted me up and I stumbled into his chest.
"What's wrong with Bonnie?" I cried out. Stefan's hand clamped over my mouth. He whispered a mantra of words to me and my eyes zoned in on him. I blinked and I was gone. I didn't know a thing and I remembered absolutely nothing.

•••

I stumbled on my front porch. The night was eerie as I heard insects chirp and streetlights buzz. I looked down at myself. I was still in my outfit from the dance. I unlocked my front door.
"Ava?" My mom's voice sounded worried. Dad came in behind her. They pulled me into a tight hug.
"You're okay? Sweetie, it's late. We were getting worried," my mom told me.
"I'm sorry," I said. My voice sounded hoarse, worn out.

I have a headache.
"I'm sorry guys," I told them, "I just need some rest." They nodded, albeit a little confused. I walked up to my room in a daze. So, I knew the feeling of emptiness. I knew when there was void that used to be filled and now wasn't. I knew that physically, from my brother, and now I know that mentally from...

I flipped through all my journals for most of the night. My most recent entry that was filled was from October 17th, 2009. It was currently October 19th. I didn't write anything yesterday, on the 18th. I remember I couldn't figure out what to journal. '𝐼 𝓂𝒾𝓈𝓈 𝒽𝒾𝓂' was the only thing on yesterday's page. I did get ready for the dance, and I actually went. I danced with Elena's boyfriend's brother, Damon. And I briefly spoke to Jeremy. Afterward, I excused myself to the bathroom. And...nothing. I groaned in frustration.

My outfit from yesterday was strewn on the chair in the corner. When I got up to my room, I immediately took a shower. I couldn't figure out anything that happened past the point of leaving the gym. I wrote down, on yesterday's page, everything I could remember. My mind and pen worked in towe to scribble down nonsense as a filler. '𝓝𝓸𝓽 𝓐𝓵𝓪𝓻𝓲𝓬' took up the remainder of the page. I fell asleep with the journal open.

I woke up on Saturday with the same feeling. I felt so out of the loop. I needed to talk to Elena and Bonnie. I picked up my phone to call Bonnie. No response. I tried Elena, and still no response. I sat at the edge of my bed, with sunlight spilling through the curtain blinds. It just always went back to my brother. I felt like he would have the answer, and he wasn't here for me to ask him. I was colored blue.

I was too numb to cry about this. My head already hurt from all the crying I did yesterday. And my brain hurts. And my heart hurts. I just want someone to have the answers, to tell me something, anything. I want to be able to count on my best friend's, and count on myself. Yet I can't.