Love rock

Chapter 7

Author's note: this chapter includes SH so if you feel triggered by that I'd highly recommend skipping the part marked with ⭐

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I woke up to a ring on my phone. Well, to a call. A call from Nicholay. I stretched before reaching for my phone and pressing the green button on my screen. "Yes?", I answered still in a sleepy tone. "Bro, you finally answered. We thought you were dead!", Nicholay started exaggerating. "What is going on?", I rubbed my eyes, still sleepy even though it was already around 11 am. "Damien invited us to a dinner with his band!", Nicholay said excitedly. I screamed. Our little group was invited to a dinner with The Lost Once. And that means Melissa will be there. I quickly confirmed my presence and hung up.

My excitement triggered my anxiety and by the time of the dinner, I was an anxious mess. I tried to calm myself down by breathing exercises and so on, but nothing seemed to work. Thankfully, Samantha had stopped by my place to pick me up and settled my thoughts down. She assured me everything will be okay and it's always more comforting to hear it from someone else rather than from yourself.

We entered the pizzeria where we'd have our dinner, and we all took a seat together. Melissa was sitting on the other end of the table from me. Next to her was Maylo, the guitarist, and they seemed to be having an enjoyable conversation, but Melissa still smiled at me when I sat down with a cheerful wave. I smiled back at her. Maylo also gave me a small wave, but he seemed like he didn't want me around. His eyes were filled with hatred, and I didn't know why. I hoped I was imagining things, so I just brushed it off and smiled at him.

We ate pizza and chatted a lot about all kinds of things. Sadly, I barely spoke to Melissa which was the opposite of what I was hoping to achieve tonight. Suddenly, my phone buzzed in my pocket. It was a text from Melissa.

MelliSsa05:

Hey, I'm done eating and it's getting boring here...

Wanna get out?

NathAlia11:

If you insist.

Lead the way.

I made eye contact with Samantha signalling her my plans and she snapped me an encouraging smile. Melissa got up, greeted everyone goodbye and left for the exit so I did the same. When we got out, she commented how she couldn't wait to leave. This took me off guard since I thought she was enjoying herself back there. she explained that it wasn't that she didn't enjoy herself it was that she didn't get much chance to talk with me, so it was a deal break for her. I laughed at her joke. She was obviously joking because why would you want to hang out with me? I'm not that fun to be around. Melissa probably didn't like something going on there that I hadn't noticed and used me as an excuse to get away.

She took my hand and led me around the crowded streets of Maldon. I was slowly getting used to her touch, but I still felt all flustered. My heart always skipped a beat when her hand met mine. I collected my thoughts and wondered where we were even going. Asking Melissa would be pointless because she, as stubborn as usual, refused to tell me where we were going. Maldon is still very crowded even at night which was a surprise for me. I don't go out as much and due to that I don't have much experience on how much people are around here. I prefer to be at my own peace.

We went to the close college dorm that was a high building. It was so high it looked like it could reach the stars. Melissa dragged me to the back door, and we quietly sneaked in. The hallway was unusually fancy. From the outside the building looked like it could fall apart any minute but from the inside... well I started wondering how much you would have to pay to be here. The stairs were circular leading all the way to the rooftop and that was exactly where we were going. All those stairs made me dizzy, but I couldn't care less about my condition. As long as I'm with her it's worth suffering.

After a lot of stairs, we reached the very top – the rooftop. Melissa quietly opened the door and closed them behind me. "So, what do you think?", Melissa smiled at me as warm as always. She added before I could properly process her question let alone give out an answer: "You haven't seen anything yet. Come here." We went to the very edge of the rooftop and laid down. Down, below us, were the busy streets of Maldon. All the city lights light up and shine together in a beautiful harmony. The noises were barely hearable as we were so high up. I looked at her and our eyes met. Gosh, all those city lights can't shine as bright as her greenish eyes. We stared at each other for a while before she pointed out that the stars were also visible from here. All the light pollution didn't go as far up so more stars were visible here than down on the streets. Needless to say, it was still awful. The light pollution I mean.

We lay down and admired our view. I couldn't help but glance at her every now and then. She was so mesmerizing. I wanted to hold her. hold her close to me and never let her go. Something came over me and I slowly approached her hand with my own. I straightened my pinkie finger towards her hand gently brushing it. She noticed and smiled, her gaze somewhere in the distance. I straightened my other fingers and reached for her hand. Hoping she wouldn't mind; I slid my hand in hers. I don't know how it happened but the next thing I knew, our fingers locked, and I screamed in my head.

Again, a wave of bravery washed over me giving me courage to ask: "Are you straight?" I covered my mouth as soon as I said that. That was stupid. She smiled and rolled over to look at me. "I'm not exactly straight. To be precise, I don't know what I am. Because I don't care about the gender I prefer the personality. Does that answer your question, Princess?" I blushed at that stupid nickname. I hated it. I like the nickname but I hate the way it gets me all flustered and fuzzy. And I hated that it would never mean anything. I'm not her princess. And I'll never be.

I gently nodded at her question. Then she proceeded to ask about my sexuality. "I- uh, I'm a lesbian.", I answered shyly. Why didn't I think this through? She'll probably think I'm weird. "I hope you won't find yourself crushing on me", she said jokingly. In every joke, there is a bit of truth huh? I laughed along, but this said everything I needed to know. It was a sign to get over this. At least now I know she means all this in a platonic manner.

We continued to hold hands, but now I knew that it was a 'just friends' thing. At this point, I was holding back my tears. I played it off as if I needed to go and she led me back down. Melissa even offered to see me off to my apartment, but I refused. I didn't know how long I could hold back my emotions and I didn't plan to share this with her. we greeted each other goodbye. As soon as she turned to leave, I broke down. Tears started falling down my face. I knew I mustn't get attached. I knew I mustn't catch feelings for her.

⭐⭐⭐

As soon as I arrived home, I crashed on my bed and cried. I cried my eyes out. I thought about how pathetic I was. Melissa probably noticed. She probably figured everything out already. Now, she probably thinks I'm a freak.

At this point, the knife on my shelf seemed very usable. I've been clean of self-harm for a few months now. But now I felt like I needed to punish myself for being so foolish. And make a mark to remind myself not to be this foolish again. A knife slid through my skin a few times until I felt completely numb.

I thought I got better...

I guess not.