All That's Left

Chapter 9 | Vania

Two years ago

"Lucas!'' I yell, cutting off his rambling. It's raining, cold, and I want to go to sleep. "This isn't going to work out, okay? If things go on like this, it won't end well.''

From the moment I met Lucas Reane, he knew Dorian would always be a big part of my life, and he had told me he was okay with that. That he understood. But then we started dating, and things changed. Lucas started getting jealous of Dorian all the time for the smallest, most innocent of things. Dorian couldn't even look at me without Lucas getting jealous. 

''How is this my fault, Vania?'' Lucas yells, his voice breaking. ''You two are always together! Every part of your life is connected to him."

''I didn't say it was your fault, Lucas, but don't you dare blame him! I told you from the start that Dorian will always be important to me, and you said it didn't bother you.''

Lucas scoffs, running a hand through his wet hair. He was standing in the pouring rain, while I stood on the porch, protected from the rain, but not from the cold temperature that came with it. 

''It didn't bother me. But how am I supposed to feel when my girlfriend is in love with someone else?''

''Oh my god, Lucas. I'm not in love with him!''

Lucas stares at me, no emotion visible on his face. ''There will never be enough space in your heart for anyone else than Dorian, Vania.''

''That's not true,'' I whisper. Yes, Dorian is a huge part of my life, but there has always been space for someone else. There's space for so many people, because I want to know everyone I can. Why couldn't Lucas see that?

Lucas shales his head, turning around to head to his car. Before he gets in, he turns to look back at me. And although his face is blurry through the pouring rain, I can see he's still angry.

''You know, I'm glad your broke up with me, Vania!'' He yells. ''You're nothing but a lying bitch. I hope Dorian realizes what's wrong with you, because there sure is a lot,'' he sneers, and whether he says it because of his bipolar disorder, because he has told me things like this out of the blue in the past, or just because, it still hurts.

I stare at his car as he reverses out of our driveway, taking off down the road. I sit down on the top step of our porch, the rain soaking me in seconds.

I'm far from perfect, I know that, but I never did Lucas wrong. I was always there for him, through all of his sudden episodes of yelling and accusing me of things I never did. Sure, I could have spent more time with Lucas than with Dorian, but Dorian was the one to wipe my tears away every time Lucas said something that hurt. Dorian was the one who said sorry for the things Lucas said, even though he had no hand in it. Dorian was the one who told me the things Lucas said weren't true.

Lucas was right. I do love Dorian. But I'm not in love with him. Dorian is my bestfriend, who's been there for me through everything, and if Lucas had a problem with that, screw him.

I hear the front door open behind me, and Dad's footsteps draw near. Suddenly, the rain stops falling on me, and I look up to see Dad holding an umbrella over us as he sits down next to me.

I realize Dad was waiting by the door while Lucas was here. Dad had never blatantly told me he didn't like Lucas, but I knew he was always just a little...unsure of him.

''You okay?'' Dad asks softly, glancing down at me. ''I wondered why you weren't coming inside after I heard his car pull up, and then I heard the yelling. Was it another one of his episodes, or...?'' Dad understood that Lucas had his bad moments, but most of the time, he was walking on thin ice with my dad, since he didn't tolerate anyone yelling at his family.

''I don't know,'' I mumble. ''But I broke up with him.''

''You guys going to get back together?'' Dad asks after a moment. 

I shake my head, quickly wiping away the tears that was escaping down my cheeks. ''No, this...this is it for us. He meant what he said, and I'm not going to let him keep treating me like that. I'm far from perfect, I know that, but I don't deserve to be treated like that. No one does.''

Dad puts his arm around me, pulling me into his side. He places a kiss on my head. ''I'm glad you know your worth, honey. No one should ever treat you like that, no matter what troubles they have. Always remember that.''

We sit like that for a while, just watching the rain fall around us. ''Do you think I'm in love with Dorian?'' I ask.

Dad sighs deeply. ''I know you care a lot about him, honey. Your connection to each other is something special, but only you know how you truly feel about him. And nothing is wrong with how you feel about him.''

We stay outside for a little longer, before Dad pulls me inside and tells me to go change into dry clothes before I get sick. 

After doing so, I don't head back down to where Dad and Paisley were hanging out in the living room. She was home from college for a week, and I didn't want to spoil her time with Dad anymore than I already did. I didn't need her hating me for that too.

I didn't know if Dad knew about it, but Paisley blamed me for our mother's death. Paisley was four years older than me, so she had gotten four years with the mother I never knew. She had been content being the only kid. Our mother too.

It was risky, having Paisley. But having another kid? That wasn't an option. Paisley knew that. She begged our mother not to have another kid, because everyone knew what would happen. Yet here I am.

But with me coming into the world, our mother left it, and Paisley has hated me since then, because I took her mother away from me, as If I had a choice in being born. If I had a choice, Paisley would still have a mother, and I wouldn't even have been a thought. 

That's how much I cared about a sister who hated me.

I grab my phone form my desk and delete every trace of Lucas. Then I climb into bed and pull up Dorian's number. He'll answer if I call, but it made me feel guilty.

The moment I break up with Lucas, I want to call the person he accused me of being in love with. I frown at my thoughts. Dorian's my best friend. I'm allowed to call him whenever I want, and that doesn't mean I'm in love with him.

Does it?

I decide against calling him. Instead, I just send him a text good night, telling him that I'll see him tomorrow, even though we both know we'll see each other everyday, then I switch off my phone and burrow into my blankets. Letting the tears fall until I eventually drift off to sleep.