SEA, SWALLOW ME, remus lupin

ochd air fichead, confessions in the courtyard

CHAPTER TWENTY EIGHT
confessions in the courtyard

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  SOMETHING IS OFF WITH REMUS, and it's glaringly obvious to Cove that the something is to do with her.

She had a gut feeling that there was a problem from the start, based off a kind of vibe that's emanating from his tense body language and visible nervousness. The tells are all there as well — he keeps twisting his myriad of rings in clockwise circles, occasionally slipping his hands in and out of his pockets as though he's searching for an item that isn't there, and rolling his tongue piercing around agitatedly behind his firmly sealed lips. He won't look her in the eye, walking ahead by a few paces so that they're not side by side. She keeps trying to catch up, but no matter how fast she moves, he'll always be a few steps in front.

  Cove hopes that it isn't anything they'll fall out over. They've only just made amends.

  A pair of magpies swoop past, nesting on a nearby tree branch. Remus leads her to a secluded alcove outside the Transfiguration Courtyard, which is deserted in the morning haze due to everyone else being cooped up in their classes. One of the magpies croons, the trilling noise resounding in the quietude around them.

When they sit down on the cobbled ledge, the gap left in between them is small but insurmountable, silent yet telling a thousand unspoken words. Finally, Cove decides to throw herself in at the deep end and speak up.

"What did you want to talk about?" she asks hesitantly.

He huffs a sigh through his nose, jaw clenched tight. He runs his fingertips through his tousled hair to give them something to do, grappling for the right syllables to start the conversation with.

"I— um," he starts, drawing a blank. "Ffwrch, how do I say this?"

Cove studies his side profile. "Just say it," she tells him slowly, cautiously. "I can handle whatever it is."

"Alright. Er, Sirius mentioned something to me the other day."

Dread begins to coil in her stomach like a reared up python on the verge of striking, preparing for the worst. "Yeah?"

He stops twisting his rings. "It was about something he'd seen on Halloween. He thinks he saw you down by the lake with Fallon and Mary when he went for a smoke..."

Cove screws her eyes shut. She tries to regulate her breathing but nothing can prevent the stuttering palpitations of her heart, her pulse ticking in her ears like a metronome. She hardly needs a crystal ball to predict what he's about to say, and the only thing that properly crosses her mind in that moment is that she's going to absolutely pummel Sirius the next time she sees him.

"What else did he say?" Cove wonders out loud, her voice as small as she feels.

"He said that... that you changed. That you turned into a seal."

She looks straight ahead. If she turns to face him, she knows that she'll break. There's no point in lying her way out of it at this point. He'd have to know some time or another.

"Does that bother you?" Cove asks. The coldness of her voice is troubling to her, and she can't place her finger on why until she realises that it's reminiscent of her mother's. It worsens the stabbing fear eating away at her gut.

His lack of a response makes her feel like she's going to shatter into a million pieces, until he reaches over and rests his hand over her own. She meets his eyes.

"No," he says simply. "It doesn't."

  Cove knew that she wouldn't be able to keep it together if she looked him in the eye. Tears begin to trickle down her face and she throws her arms around his neck in relief, smothering her face in his shoulder. He doesn't waste any time in reciprocating the hug, rubbing soothing circles through the back of her cardigan.

   "I'm sorry you had to find out this way," she whispers. "I would've told you sooner, but I—" her voice cracks. "I was scared that you'd take it the wrong way."
 
  Remus pulls away to look at her properly. He wipes away her tears delicately.

"Believe me, I understand," he reassures.

Cove frowns. "Really?"

"I, er, haven't been completely honest with you either."

Her eyebrows knit together in confusion. "How do you mean?"

He braces himself, slipping his hand out from under where their fingers were interlocked. She corrects her posture to try and get on his level despite their height difference making it almost impossible. There's a glimmer of doubt present in his stare, so she keeps her thoughts to herself. She's wary of what he'll say next.

"I'm a werewolf, Cove."

It takes her a good few seconds to register what exactly he's telling her, even though it's been put as bluntly as possible. Her eyes widen a fraction in realisation.

Oh. Oh!

Everything makes so much more sense! The scars, the absences on selective days every month, all the time spent in the Hospital Wing... how could she not have seen it before? As the cogs in her brain turn, she notices that her evident shock is sending him all the wrong signals. His face falls and he retracts slightly from her, but she quickly grapples onto his forearm to secure him in place.

  "Gods, that doesn't matter, Remus." She presses a featherlight kiss to his scarred cheek. "You could be a bloody Grindylow and I'd still lo— like you."

He blinks. "You're not, I dunno, scared?"

She shoots him a bizarre look. "Why would I be? I mean, have you seen yourself? You're like a walking Simon & Garfunkel song. The very last thing you'll ever do is scare me."

Remus beams as if that's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to him. He kisses her sweetly, leaning into her grasp when she cups his jaw. Her thumb brushes over the deep grooves of his scars, tracing over all the roseate scratches that mar his freckled complexion. The visceral shiver that overtakes him earns a laugh out of her. His sheepish grin only makes her laugh harder.

  Cove smiles in amusement, though there's a shift in her mood when the solace of the moment begins to fade. The warmth inside her is beginning to amp up until her blood is boiling, and she knows one thing for certain.

  She has to find Sirius Black.

 

author's note!

giving remus as many piercings as possible is my favourite pastime

pls tell me what you thought of this one!! i was scared that it was too rushed but i was dying to get them to tell each other the truth

two chapters until vol ii 👀