𝐃𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐥𝐲 𝐃𝐞𝐜𝐞𝐩𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 |𝟏𝟖+

The Bottomless Pit

A bottomless pit.

I have felt like this ever since meeting Riccardo.

My emotions are everywhere, and I can't control my urges whenever I am around him.

I've always been a woman who decides with her heart rather than her mind.

But this is psychotic.

As if Riccardo is a bottomless pit that drags me down to the bottom.

And I, the willing prisoner, am happy to take his hand during the fall.

A stranger tells me Riccado is not who I think he is and is more dangerous than I can imagine, and my stupid self goes ahead and has sex with him.

What the hell is wrong with me?

I have struggled with anxiety all my life, but it never made me feel as desperate as I feel whenever Riccardo is around me. As if Riccardo possesses something my body craves, and I yearn for it like a little slut.

Last night is a concrete example of this.

I've woken up for a while now but am afraid to open my eyes because, in that case, I will have to face the reality of my actions. Being in the dark is always easier than coming to the light.

The wood and whiskey smell fills my lungs as I lay comfortably on a hard and toned chest. I can't lie that I've had the best sleep.

I should be terrified of Riccardo after Antonio's warnings. I should run away and hide so that he can never find me. I shouldn't be close to Riccardo, let alone let him touch me.

Let alone letting him take my virginity.

But I am neither scared nor terrified.

I am a fool.

But a blessed one as Riccardo's scent fills my nostrils and numbs my senses, and he wraps his strong arms around me protectively, making me sign in content.

My hands move independently as they trail over Riccardo's muscular chest, feeling everything on his abdomen, from his slightly hairy chest to his R-shaped necklace.

I am in complete bliss and satisfaction and have no regrets for letting him fuck me.

In fact, I would let him do it again and again.

Because I know I'd regret it if I didn't do this. I want Riccardo no matter what. It is clear that Riccardo is not the boyfriend material, and last night was nothing but a one-night stand for him.

This is what I've always wanted, right?

One night stand without strings attached.

It is safer this way. He can never hurt me over something so superficial like sex. But if I give in to the feeling, that is when I seriously fuck up.

So, no.

I will never give in to my feelings.

I tilt my head to peer up at his handsome face. He is sleeping with his mouth parted, and light snores fill my ears as I observe his features.

His usually neat brown hair is tousled, and some part rests on his forehead, making him look like an innocent little child. His brown lashes reached his brows, making me question why God gave him such features and made me jealous. His stubble beard is grown, but it is not long enough to hide his slightly plump, kissable lips.

I saw a different side of Riccardo last night, a part of him buried deep inside his twisted soul: the caring part.

I've never thought I would see the day Riccardo could show affection and care towards anyone.