I hate you the most

Chapter 9 : Debut

- Jaemin are you there ? 

- Yes. 

- I need to talk to you. (Manager) 

The group just started to warm up that the manager called out Jaemin. 

They went far from the room so that the others couldn't hear anything. 

- What is it ? 

- Do you feel okay ? 

- Oh you're talking about the burn ? It hurts but it's okay. 

- Well I'm talking about that too but emotionally I mean. Are you really okay ? Mark said that you looked tired and that you lost weight....

- Oh no everything is fine. I was a little shocked due to yesterday incident but everything is fine now. 

- You know that no one's judging you about your sexual orientation-

- I'm not gay ! He hastened to say. 

- Oh, okay, sorry I didn't mean to-

 - No it's fine you couldn't know. 

- Well yeah... 

- Is that everything you wanted to say to me ? (Jaemin) 

- No, no- Actually I wanted to say something a little bit- You know... 

- What ? He said impatient. 

The manager was embarrassed. He didn't know how to say it. 

- You see, your debut will be soon and-

- And ? 

- And I'm sorry but it's impossible for you to make it. 

- WHAT ? WHY ? I TRAINED SO HARD FOR THAT ! 

- Yeah yeah I know but the direction said due to your actual state and the rumors about you, you will not be able to debut with the rest of the group. 

Jaemin fainted a little, he caught himself on the wall. He placed his hand on his forehead. He felt a little dizzy. 

- I'm really sorry about that Jaemin. I know you trained a lot for that but- 

- You don't have to apologize it's not your fault. But can you leave me alone please. 

- Yeah-yeah I'm really sorry. 

- Can you say it to the others. I don't have the strength to. 

- Yes, of course I will. 

- Thank you. 

- It's not your fault Jaemin. 

No everything is my fault. If I didn't do that, everything would have been fine. We would be together forever. (Jaemin)

His dizziness left but his neck felt itchy. He scratched his neck harshly. The doctor said not to touch it but he couldn't take it and he was stressed and sad. He scratched so hard that the blood flowed. 

Jaemin felt it and looked at his hand, covered in blood. 

- Shit ! 

He sat on the ground, his head inside his knees. He was so sad he wanted to cry but he couldn't. Firstly because he didn't have any tears left to cry. And secondly because he didn't have the right. Because, according to him, everything was his fault. He looked for it. It was just the karma. 

He went to the toilets. He didn't have the strength to train anymore and didn't see the use of it. He locked the door. He sat on the toilet bowl, in the same position as he was in the hallway.