Life of a College Freshman

Anxiety Meets Academia

Journal Entry #1

If you are reading this, that means that I am already gone .... or maybe you just stole my journal. If so, shame on you!

Sorry, that was just me trying to be funny. I suck at introductions, but here goes.... My name is Dawson Cran. I am eighteen... well, almost eighteen.

Sorry. Anyway, I just arrived at college this afternoon. It would be an understatement to say that I am a little freaked out right now. My anxiety is off the chart. My therapist says that keeping a journal like this will help. Here goes.

My mom, step dad Tom, and little sister Ellie dropped me off at my dorm this afternoon. I would have been fine with being dropped off out front, but you know Mom. She insisted on helping me carry everything inside, seeing my new dorm room and meeting everyone.

After checking in at a table in the lobby, we went upstairs to find room 312. All the doors we passed were decorated with hand drawn signs listing the occupants' names. Sure enough, as we got to 312, the sign read, "Dawson and Evan."

As we walked inside, I was relieved to find that my roommate was not there yet. I love my mom more than anything, but she just isn't the first impression I want to make. By the time she left, She would have known everything about Evan while probably sharing every embarrassing fact from my life along the way.

She is already on a first name basis with my R.A., Doug, who calls himself "The Dougler." She even follows him on social media now. I am sure that will somehow come back to bite me at some point.

I get it, though. No matter how old I get, I will always be her baby boy. It was just the two of us till I was eleven when she met Tom. Aside from a few weekends at scout camp when I was a kid and the eighth grade trip to Ottawa, this is the first time we will not be sleeping under the same roof. This isn't much easier for me either.

Our room is basic, but as expected. It's a symmetrical layout. Two single beds, two desks, two dressers, and two closets. I am sure that with a few posters and personal effects, it won't seem so sterile and institutional.

Being a very old dorm building, it has common washrooms and showers for each floor. I was not thrilled to learn about that part. At least the showers were individual stalls and not one big open shower like the change room we had at Parkview High.

After a teary goodbye, I was left alone to set up my half of the room.

Tomorrow is some freshman orientation event, followed by a mixer in the common room at the dorm. I am dreading both. They sound horrible and far too peopley for me. Classes don't start until Tuesday. I may just hide here and play Zombie Killer 3 till then.

I haven't met Evan yet, but we did have to exchange letters about us already. He is on a hockey scholarship. Apparently, he is some sort of prodigy. I bet he thinks that he is the next Dave Gretzky or something. I am fully expecting him to be some sort of egotistical douchebag meathead jock. His major is engineering, the same as mine. I assume that's why they put us together. He better not expect me to do all his homework for him!

My letter to him was much more bland and a little fake. I basically sold myself as a normal average teenager. We all like to think that we are all normal in our own eyes, right? So Evan is expecting an average 17 year old, 5'10" tall, 140 lbs honor roll student that's majoring in mechanical engineering and loves gaming.

If I was being totally honest, I probably would have said that I am a very shy, extremely introverted, unpopular, slightly nerdy virgin. Oh, and I have a secret obsession with reading online stories about being tied up, hazing, and bullying. Unfortunately, that wasn't much of a sales pitch, so I left that out.

I know, I am a little hard on myself. Besides, when I think back four years ago to the terrified kid that was just starting high school, the transformation has been huge. Imagine a fourteen year old, short, skinny, acne & brace faced, nerdy Harry Potter junkie with the matching glasses. How did I not get my scrawny butt kicked daily is beyond me.

The acne has almost completely cleared up. The only evidence of the braces is the wire of my retainer when I smile. Although five foot ten isn't huge, it's not short either. I have traded Hogwarts for Marvel, which is slightly less nerdy, I guess. A fancy new haircut and more mature looking glasses complete my "glow up."

Satisfied with today's journaling, I moved on to my favorite pastime, checking Deviantart and tieupgames.com for new content. Fully lost in tales of bondage themed frats, wedgied nerds, and tormented freshmen, I was just about to reach for the moisturizer and begin indulging in my other favorite pastime, when I was snapped back to reality by The sound of the Douglers voice outside my room.

"You must be Evan. Welcome to Chilton Hall, " cheered the glorified camp counsellor.

I quickly closed my laptop and tried to act as normal as possible.

Good, bad or otherwise, I was about to come face to face with the person that I would be living four feet away from for the next nine months. Wish me luck!

TBC