Hybrid Discovery [SKZ fanfiction]

It's a lot of trauma

! Small warning, the first bit of this chapter can be graphic in a sexual manner!
The part between the three ~~~ indicates that the scene is over. 

~~~
Chan had left the room after that. Not being able to face either Mimu or Felix.
It's wrong, it's wrong, it's wrong. Like a chant in his head he repeats the words. He doesn't deserve her love. It's wrong! She must be confused because of their shared trauma. She must have mistaken her feelings for love. He raped her. He was the only person there for her to cling to. She must not understand the difference between feeling dependent on someone over feeling genuinely love.
Chan gasps for air when he closes the door behind him of their apartment and he leans back against the door. It's wrong. His body is wrong.
The tingly sensation of blood rushing to his face is unbearable. He doesn't want to check. It's wrong. Why is his body reacting like this? No, he thinks, it would be weirder if it didn't react. He's conditioned to react like this but it feels so damn wrong.
Chan scurries over to their bedroom, but whines when he steps in. Her scent is strong here. He's wired to react to it even though he tried to suppress it with all his might. Wrong, wrong, utterly wrong. He can't stay here and hurries himself to their bathroom where he fumbles with the shower faucet to turn on the water. His wet hands don't help at all with removing his clothes and he whines painfully while dragging his pants down. It hurts too much and he hates what he's about to do, but the urges are too much. Too much and too wrong all at the same time.
His body works on autopilot. He can hear the speaker voices of doctor Kim in his head saying he has to start the procedure. He cups his cock and curses with the sensitivity from withholding for so long.
Her lips, he can feel them against his. How she so confidently grabbed him by the neck and crossed the only line he wished to keep. It isn't fair to her. She doesn't understand. it's wrong.
He thinks about the little chuckle she made against his lips. Playful, content with it. How it made his whole body swell with triumph. Gosh, the tiny vibrations sending shivers through his spine.
Chan pants heavily, the sounds of the shower overpowering his mumbling. Almost there.
When his stomach contracts, images of her face -tear streaks over her cheeks- pop up. Her lifeless eyes as he rammed into her, not able to slow down for her and only hunting down his own high. Chan cums hard and immediately bends over to puke his guts out. His head is dizzy and black dots dance in his view. He drops on his knees and tries to stay stable with his hands grabbing the ledge of the bathtub. He softly mumbles again before his vision blacks out completely.

~~~
Chan blinks to regain consciousness and lifts himself to sit with his back against the bathtub. He shakes his head to shake off the dizzy feeling. Did he blank out for a few seconds? Or for longer? The shower is still on and he can smell the nauseating puddle of his vomit which is slowly being flushed away by the water. Can't be long.
He can hear someone enter the house and he closes his eyes for a moment to gather himself. Mimu must've been worried. She has seen him like this before these past weeks as they both had been woken up with nightmares or frozen with tremor if something triggered unhappy memories. He had emptied his stomach before when they were cleaning and a specific cleaning product reminded him of one of the rooms in the facility. She hadn't said anything, simply patted his back when he emptied himself before going outside with a bucket to gather some dirt to help soak up the fluids. She had dragged him to sit against the wall and had handed him a toothbrush and glass of water when she came back to clean himself up while she wordlessly sprinkled the dirt around. No judgment, no questions.
He expects her to walk in any minute and although he should cover up his naked, miserable body, he doesn't have the strength.
To his surprise it's not Mimu who walks in, but the one person he really did not want to see right now. Chan hears him gasp and hurry over to where he's slouched down. The two brown eyes look at him and all Chan can see is shock.
'Chan, mate, are you alright?'
Chan breaks off the stare and weakly smiles whilst shrugging. 'M-fine,' he mumbles. 'Bit peckish.'
'Peckish my ass. I wanted to talk, but first we have to get you up,' Felix huffs, searching for a washcloth to hold under the water to clean off Chan's face and torso.
Chan can see how the human's eyes stall a moment when he reaches his stomach before wiping there as well and Chan can't be more embarrassed. If Felix is disgusted he doesn't show it and calmly continues.
'Do you think you're able to climb into the bathtub?' he asks a moment later.
Chan nods and with the help of the human he sits down. Felix adjusts the faucet to get water running for a bath and Chan closes the drain. Slowly the water level rises and emerges Chan's body up to his chest. Felix checks if the water isn't too hot before walking to the kitchen to come back with a glass of water with sugar dissolved in it to drink.
His limbs feel heavy without any energy left and he spills a bit whilst bringing the liquid to his lips. Only after emptying the whole glass Felix takes it from him and places it on the counter near the sink. He sits down on the ground beside him and they both stay silent for a moment.
'Where's Mimu?' Chan eventually asks.
Felix grins without looking at him. 'She's with the others. You're in for a grilling when she comes back.'
Chan plops his head back against the ridge of the tub and groans softly. Felix snickers.
'She got pretty upset when you suddenly left. We told her you're just embarrassed.' He now looks over to Chan. 'Even though it is pretty obvious that's not the case.'
It's an open invitation he gives him. He gives Chan the space to talk if he wants to and the hybrid knows he can trust him with everything.
'I am embarrassed,' Chan says with a broken sound. 'Not about the kiss... But- You know...'
he can't say it.
'Ah,' Felix smacks his lips and closes his eyes. He knows what Chan refers to.
'It's wrong,' Chan sighs. 'So, so wrong.' It's more like a whisper to himself, but Felix hears it.
'Why?' he asks.
'Just, cause—,' Chan has trouble explaining himself to the human. He's not sure if he's ready to tell Felix about what happened. Felix won't judge him, that's clear, but Chan kept these things to himself for so long. It's hard describing what they formed him into. What kind of monster he is.
'H-how much did you see?' Chan asks with a trembling voice.
Felix huffs - still with closed eyes - and bonks the back of his head against the wall behind him. He knows the hybrid isn't referring to this moment.
'Enough. The others only saw one moment and Jeonging hasn't seen anything with you and Mimu in it, if that's what you mean.'
Chan glances over to Felix who has an angry frown on his face. He knows more and somehow that makes it easier for Chan to start talking.
'I saw her once,' he says, making Felix open one eye to look at him. 'Before she escaped I believe.'

He had been sixteen, close to his seventeenth birthday, when he got a glimpse of the young girl. She had walked past them when they brought Chan back to his room. He had glanced at her and one of the researchers had smiled at him wickedly.
'Glad you think she's pretty,' he had said to him and Chan couldn't help but nod. It was normal for him to get stimulated with things considered "mature and pretty" and as of lately his body and mind seemed to only be captivated with urges. He simultaneously liked and hated the way his mind was occupied with the thoughts of relieving himself and how his body almost reacted separately as soon as he heard the commands.
There were female hybrids and researchers in the facility, most much older than him. this passing girl was younger, not much, but her round cheeks and soft smile made him think she couldn't be older than thirteen. Maybe fourteen at best. It hadn't been more than a couple of seconds he saw her, but it got his mind worked up.
A few weeks later he was brought into one of the examination rooms. He remembered doctor Kim was there as well, a rookie researcher at that time. Chan had felt intimidated and unnerved with his presence immediately. The rookie had too much to say. Too cocky. His main researcher had silenced him and the rookie researcher had given Chan the biggest eye roll in history.
They had then told Chan about one of their top projects. How his purpose up until now was to be as fertile as possible until their top project would be ready. He had no idea at that time what the researcher had meant, but he knew it couldn't mean anything good.

'They amped up the fertility shots that evening, which made me go wild. Apparently I wounded nine researchers and security personnel had to come down to keep me in check. Later on I heard someone escaped with the ruckus I created. It took me another four to five years before I got an opportunity to escape myself. It only clicked that it was her when I heard her doctor talk about her a few weeks after we got captured.'
The water in the bathtub has cooled down significantly and Chan shivers when the water doesn't warm him anymore. He unplugs the drain and the water gurgles away while he looks down into the blackness of the drain. He looks up when Felix puts a fluffy, big towel around his shoulders and starts rubbing him dry. He helps him get out of the tub and wraps another towel around him.
'They made you a glorified impregnator,' Felix grunts in between the drying. 'How did you manage being with us?'
Chan bites his lower lip and grabs the towel around his shoulders tight. 'There were no females,' he mumbles. 'Even though half of you could pass for a woman with those faces, I don't know... My body is programmed to react to certain things only.'
'But—,' Felix thinks deeply about the first encounter Chan had with Mimu. 'You approached her first.'
'Yeah, not knowing she was a female. She was a cat in my eyes. I kept regarding her as one even after we learned she was female. It... kept me sane.'
Until they basically forced him on her, Felix thinks bitterly. And that's exactly what Chan confirms.

'God— Felix, I fucking raped her!' Chan's shoulders are trembling as the older man buries his face in his knees. 'B-but they kept shocking us. I-I didn't care about them hurting me, but she... S-she was s-so out of it. A-and they whispered... She bled, Lix! She bled and they k-kept saying I-I—,' sobs break his sentences off and Felix rubs his back, knowing what he tries to say.'I-I hate it. S-she s-should— Why is she so goddamn happy? I want her to hate me, b-but I'm... SO scared of her leaving me. E-especially now. I-I want to be happy as well... Shit... I'm te-terrified of myself, Lix. H-how do I know if-if I really like her? N-not because I'm programmed to like her.'The waterfall of insecurities falls out of Chan's mouth before he really processes it. He's afraid to look up to Felix, gulping for air when his lungs burn from the long rant. 'You like her,' he hears Felix say with a steady voice. 'Put trust in that. You like her.' There's not even a speck of doubt in his voice. Chan lifts his head to observe his friend. Felix is avoiding his gaze and stares at the ground, biting his lower lip.Felix wants to say much more, but he can only respond to the last words of Chan. He can't even fathom the things Chan has experienced. He only knows the feelings of the hybrid are genuine, much as his own. He saw how Chan had behaved around their female friend before they got captured. How the both of them sought out each other's comfort before even knowing they shared the same trauma. He had witnessed how Chan would drop everything if she needed help. How he took it upon himself to teach her how a normal hybrid life could be. Even if the black cat hybrid tried to deny any thought of Mimu being a girl to protect her from him, Felix had seen how Chan gave her soft looks. 'Tsk, and here I thought my problems were significant,' Felix scolds himself with a lifeless chuckle.Chan looks at him with wide eyes as the human helps him out of the tub to get him dressed. 'D-don't say that,' he says to Felix. 'I'm sorry i-if I made you feel that way.'Felix shakes his head and helps Chan to keep his balance while he steps into a fresh pair of sweats. 'Don't mention it. I know the two of you have a lot of trauma and I am the one who accepted to help you guys through it. My problems aren't worth fussing over compared to what you just told me.' Felix tries to grab a clean shirt for the hybrid, but Chan grabs his wrist and makes the human look at him. His eyes are piercing through him and are laced with concern which makes Felix swallow a lump away. Of course Chan won't let it go. He knows him too well. 'Don't—,' Chan says. 'Don't put yourself second to us. T-talk to me.'Letting the human in on his long kept secrets somehow lifts a burden off Chan's shoulders and gives him the push to want to do the same for his friend. Significant or not, it must be important to Felix and he deserves the honest conversation.'It's nothing—,' Felix starts again, but Chan is determined. 'Tell me. You came here to talk, only to find my pathetic ass cowering in the corner to interrupt.''You're not—,''No! Don't try to avert the topic. Y-you came to check up o-on me after the...''Kiss. Yes, I came to look for you because there's this weird tension between us and I feel guilty,' Felix snaps. He groans out loud, damning himself for reacting to Chan's words like this. 'And now I'm feeling even sillier after hearing your story. I'm sorry, Chan.' Felix signs out loud and Chan slowly releases his wrist. Both stand silent for a good minute before Felix nods towards the living room. 'Let's get some tea and continue our talk on the couch.'