How It Feels To Be Me

chapter 3

It's been 9yrs and my mom is still shaking her ass and fuckin anybody for a quick buck. I wish her cousin didn't get her the job at hole in the wall. My mom would tell me every night when she left to go to work I'm going to make money so we can get out of my grandmother house. After two months of working non- stop my mom and her cousin janiya became roommates and them two together was like history repeating itself they acted just like my grandmother and aunt Celeste but this time I was the slave I had to babysit clean the house and cook all the meals. My mom got pregnant by my father 4 yrs ago and I have a little brother my mom named him after my dad he wasn't a junior he was tyriq semaj green the third then I had to watch my cousin janiya 3 children there ages ranged from 2-6yrs old so my hands are always full. Some days I didn't go to school because I was stuck watching my brother and my cousin janiyas greedy ass kids. Going to school was the only time I had peace I really enjoyed school I was honor roll and I skipped from the second grade to being a gifted 7th grader. But I always made up the work I missed when i had to stay home to babysit. The teachers asks me if I was having problems at home because I miss quite a few days of school but I ensure her that I had a Dr appointment or I was home sick.But the teachers the rumors about my mom and my cousin janiya drug use and prostituting themselves. Everytime the to me that they going to do home visit I made up an excuse like my mom's out of town and I'm staying with my grandmother or my works at night and she sleeps all day. If them teacher have came to my house they would have called CPS because my mom and cousin  janiya would be partying or be to high to understand what was going so I avoided home visits. There was a time that my father acted liked he was to take me and my brother but he meet my step-mother Tanya and she had kids when she married my father so he always me would come take us away but Tanya wasn't having bad enough he had my brother's donte and tyriq jr and she can't take of 6 kids. So he would by and bring us clothes and shoes but my mom sold them so start hiding me clothes and shoes in this old trunk in the basement and I know my mom would dare go in the basement because she scared of water bugs and the the basement was full of them. I finally made it home from school and brother met at the door he said deja were you been I'm hungry and momma won't wake to feed me. I said ok tyriq give a minute I have to put my books in our room and find them I found you something to eat. I got the top of the stairs and I saw my cousin janiya s kids sitting in the hallway eating ketchup and mustard packets so I knocked on my cousin janiya bedroom door and told her what they was eating she said she know what there eating it's there lunch and I said but there eating ketchup and mustard packets and said mind your fucking business ketchup is a vegetable and the mustard is there snack don't act like you never at packets from the store cause your stayed feel you grape jelly packets when you were there ages and you turned out to be a fuckin genius. I was telling what they was doing I didn't mean to upset you she said well since you are concerned about what my kids eat you better not miss up the spaghetti your making for dinner and don't put all that garlic last you put all the garlic in the spaghetti I had garlic coming out of my pours so I said her sorry for putting to my garlic but my mom likes it like that so she's said I brought the food this month cause your lazy ass month got her food stamps cut and she to lazy to get them cut back on so you and brother have wait til after me and kids and company eat and lucky y'all getting that get the hell down there and clean up that kitchen and cook dinner. So walked out of her room and I was walking down the stairs when I heard my mom saying oh you can't come to speak to me the last time I checked I was your mother I said sorry mom I thought you were sleep she said yeah whatever just down there and clean that kitchen up and make the spaghetti before me and company come and sure you put a lot of garlic in it I said but janiya said not to put all that garlic in it my said I didn't give a damn what she said if she want that bland spaghetti she like tell her to wait one of her crumb snatchers can cook but until then cook the damn spaghetti the way I taught you I said yes mom. I wanted to tell my mom and cousin janiya get off y'all asses and cook and clean I'm so fed up. I'm 9yrs old and I'm running a house like a house wife.  I'm tired of watching kids and cleaning up after two grow ass women then my brother broke my train of though when he said to me I love you deja promise me when you never leave me I said while a looked at him with tears in my eyes bro I never leave you here in this fucked up house you hear me I'm always gonna take of you. I finally finished cleaning and cooking and was in my room waiting to see if cousin janiya left any food for me and my brother she left a handful of noodles and pot spoon of sauce so I gave it to my brother what was left It didn't matter as long as my brother ate I when to sleep plenty of nights hungry that's why i prayed to go to school so I can eat breakfast and lunch. I would make my brother 2peanutbutter sandwiches and leave them behind the beta max machine because no one ever looked back there. I made sure that the dinner dishes were washed and the house was cleaned up after my janiya's cousins bad ass kids and made sure everyone got a bath because my mom and my cousin's janiya got there pissy fish cocks in shower but they always would said deja put them kids in the tub I don't feel like doing it but I had to. I lay in the bed thinking that one day that I would take my little brother and we'll live in a big mansion with servants and a personal chef that would cook chicken that taste like Popeyes chicken and I would have security at the door so my mom cousin janiya and my grandmother in because they make my childhood a living hell. Then all of a sudden I heard the front door slam and it startled me out of daydreaming it was my mom and cousin janiya coming in from work with a crowd of people that was  loud a drink and falling all of place you can heard swine bottle brake and my mom screaming at the top of her lungs deja wake and come clean up this mess up and make my guest something to eat. Mom I'm tired and I have go to school in the morning my mom said look you smart ass ain't gonna miss nothing besides you got to stay home to watch the p some hair to my hair done if I have some stamps left over I might get some of stuff you talking about. I said in a angry tone mommy it's not right that you don't buy food so me and tyriq can eat I haven't had a decent meal in months and cousin janiya don't allow me to eat her food til finish feeding her guest and what's left over I spilt up with my brother and her 3 kids I'm the only one who cooks everyday and I didn't get nothing you eat. My mom said shut the fuck up that's your problem always trying to be grown don't me telling me what to do with my food stamps if I want to sell them that's what imma do since you don't like it here go stay with your father and his fat ass wife. Oh I forgot they don't want you or brother so imma stuck with y'all asses do what the fuck i tell you to do and I don't want no more lip from you and make sure you season the fish and hurry up my guess are hungry and janiya knows how many pieces of fish she brought so don't get any ideas. So I said ok mom. I fried the hell out of that fish the drunk guests didn't believe that a 9 yr can cook like that I learn how to cook because my mom and my cousin never had time for us so someone had to step up so I started reading cooking books and I watched my grandmother cook when she came and got me to clean her house. I thought my grandmother would be the one who would tell my mom the way she was raising me and brother was wrong but she used me and my brother any chance she could but did give me food after I made sure her house was clean. I had no one to help me and my brother out of this hell hole. But I vow that one day me and my brother will have a stable home and food on the table at every meal if it's the last thing I do.

                                        To Be Continued!!!!!