Speak Now

❦. twenty

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Y/n's pov.

I walk Ariana to the car, my arm around her waist as she is limping.

It has been three days since we have lost the baby and Ariana didn't seem to get better so they kept her longer.

I know she's relieved to finally be coming home. She has not seen her daughter since that one morning and it's been hard on her. She called us as soon as she knew we were awake, up until we went to bed.

The hospital let us hold a small funeral for Drew. We got to pick out the smallest urn ever. It didn't feel right to not have him at home with us.

"Can we stop please?" Ariana whines as we are walking in the hospital parking lot. The both of us wearing big coats and hats to not get recognized and it has worked pretty well so far, nothing about Ari being in the hospital has leaked to the tabloids.

"Yeah, sure. Are you sure you're ok?" I ask Ariana who nods, nuzzling her head in my shoulder.

"It's just awful cramps, it goes down in my thighs and back. I hate this." She whines and I gently lift her off the floor.

"Come on, let's get you home so you can have a good bath." I walk us to the car and Ariana shakes her head.

"No, Y/nn. I can't take a bath, I'm still bleeding. The water is going to be disgusting." She pouts and I nod, kissing her forehead.

"Ok, then we'll figure something out to make you feel better." I stop at the passenger side of the car and let her down. I unlock the car and let her get in, I lean in to put the seatbelt on and as I was about to straighten up, Ariana grabs me by the hair and kisses me passionately.

"I love you." She mumbles against my lips. "I love you so damn much, it hurts. Thank you for not hating me." She cries and I pull away, my eyebrows furrowed. I crouch down next to her as Ariana sobs loudly.

"Ari, baby... I love you and I will never ever hate you." I take her hands in mine and she sniffles.

"I couldn't even keep our baby, Y/nn. You could absolutely hate me for th-" Ariana says but I shake my head and cut her off.

"No. No, Ariana. Get this out of your head." I wipe her tears and she nods. "I'm sorry, it's just how I feel." I stand up and repeatedly kiss her forehead. "Don't be sorry for how you feel."

Ariana and I stay like that for a moment until she pulls away. "Get me to my baby, please." I close her door and jog around the car to get in behind the wheel.

On the drive home, Ariana slept while I held her hand. I couldn't stop thinking about the fact that we are coming home from the maternity ward with no baby. I knew the cramping was not normal, I should have forced her to go see her midwife. I should have pushed it.

"Fuck!" I angrily hit the steering wheel, waking Ariana up. "Shit, I'm sorry baby." I squeeze her hand and she rubs her eyes, taking off her hat.

"I haven't asked you yet but are you okay, honey?" Ariana sits up and I nod, "Yeah, absolutely. Why?" I give her a fake smile but I know Ariana, she sees right through my bullshit and has since we were kids.

"Baby..." Ariana starts but I cut her off with a small laugh.

"Don't worry about me, Ari. We're going to get you home to Avalon and you're gonna get so many cuddles. I know you need them." I stop at the gates and push the button to open them. I hear Ariana exhale loudly and I look her way.

"Don't do this to me, please." Ariana says, her hand leaving mine to rest on her still rounded belly. She notices my gaze dropping down to where her hands were and she tightens up her coat.