Behind Bars

1 am senses

Sometimes,I wonder what coma feels like.
In between life and death.
You can't live if you want to and death refused to end your suffering.

Prison feels that way for me.

The last outsider I saw before I got locked up was my lawyer.
In the courtroom,all the faces my gaze met were ones filled with disdain and contempt.
The words from the judge passed by in a blur,the only thing my ears caught on to was my sentence. My heart sunk just like I think everyone else's does when you realize your new home is prison.

For the next second after you go through a life altering moment,different emotions hit different people.
Racing heart,fear,unbelief,acceptance,..

Mine was a state of numbness.

For the next thirty minutes,I felt empty.

My lawyer sat with me before I was shackled up to my new home. Briefcase in hand,he stared at the chain on my wrist and told me to make the most out of prison.

After spending a week in here,anger became a second skin.
I had escaped bullies in highschool but I couldn't do the same here.

I had tried to escape reality outside here but reality knocked down doors here.

Days turned into weeks,weeks into months,then into years and the lawyer's words still stuck but there was nothing in me to care.

So why was it keeping me awake this late at night?

A small glint of light shone on the ground through the small space in the window. Small and tiny but it spoke volumes in the loud darkness.

The bunk bed I'm in starts to shake, so I kick the metal frame above me with my feet to make it stop. However, it begins again after a few seconds, this time with much greater intensity, causing the metal to rattle.

With an annoyed sigh,I get off my bed ready to scold Shawn but only to find him shuddering and drenched in his sweat.

I steady his head with a hand over his forehead.It doesn't stop his shuddering but it stops the bunk bed from rattling.

He returned from his cousin's funeral some days ago and he hasn't uttered a word to anyone since then.

He goes about everything as if life has conquered him.
If he wants to talk about it,he will or probably not. In here, people tend not to show feelings except anger.
Anger is allowed. I think everyone understands that the atmosphere is it and is filled with it even if the anger isn't directed to anyone. Anything except that shows weakness and that is not an option.

The feeling of being suffocated isn't rare and most times I ignore it. Over the years, I've learnt to get used to it.
It comes with the place. In here,privacy has no meaning. You get used to it and if you don't,well no one cares.

Then what was different today?

Why was it keeping me awake?

At my far left, someone had began snoring and I lost all hope of ever falling asleep.

So,I went to work on the lock of our bars.
I didn't know if it would work but my  1am senses was determined to be somewhere else other than here.

From my pocket, I juggled the hairpin that I had concealed from Arial when she had let her hair down. She had a habit of mindlessly leaving stuff around.
I took it out of my pocket and got to work.
Minutes ago when I was struggling to find sleep,my hand found Arial's hair pin in my hair. Luckily,I had placed it in my hair because there was always an inspection done before we got allowed into our rooms.

After numerous attempts and its fails,I was almost about to give up until the lock clicked.

For a second,I had to regain myself from the shock of the lock giving way.Which is correct?

I had tried it,what?
Once or twice in the past with paper clips and it never worked.

So, for another second I found myself debilitating how successful this was and having second thoughts on whether this was a good idea or not. Of course it wasn't but yet,I shoved that feeling off and slipped out,careful not to make any noise.

It was still shocking how easily the lock gave way but it's state was a major factor. It had eroded over the years and nothing had been done about it.
I'm sure the guards had taken note of it but they probably didn't think anyone would risk trying to escape with the barred windows and perimeter facing and plus the surveillance cameras not always at work but present nonetheless.

The dark, silent hallways urged on the warnings but I hadn't come all the way here to quit so pushed it out again.

The first thing I sensed when I stepped into the courtyard was the smell of a lit cigarette.

My realization was answered when I saw smoke coming from the small shade set up in the courtyard.

This would probably turn out to be one of the dumbest things I've ever done and with that conclusion,I walk towards where the smoke is coming from.

The chilly air grazed my exposed shoulders.
For the first time in a long while, I felt the wind around me in this manner and I gladly welcomed it.

Surprise surprise.
Who do I see but Rick with the rest of his posse smoking in the shade.
The talks about Rick could be passed off as rumors but the same couldn't be said for the actions. We all knew Rick had more benefits than all of us and it was always traced to an officer who was rumoured to be a relative of his.
Apparently,Rick was a trust fund baby but fortunately unfortunately,his father's wealth couldn't take him off a death charge.

Before I could make an exit,my curiosity now extinguished,one of his idiotic goons spotted me and I was surrounded before I could say Jack.

I wondered if Rick was on anything other than cigarettes and my thoughts were answered when he stumbled over nothing to get to me and burst out laughing.

He finally did get to me and when he did,I couldn't stop the yawn that escaped me.
Sleep took it's precious time and now it chooses to make an entrance.

An excruciating pain halted my second yawn and I was numb shocked for a second. I looked beside me to see Dione staring pointedly at the cigarette butt he'd stabbed on my shoulder.

His eyes were red and if looks could kill, I would have been able to escape whatever was about to happen right now.

It didn't take algebra to know that I couldn't outfight them and running  seemed impossible so I'd already accepted my fate.

"You?",he says trying to point towards my direction but ends up pointing behind me.

"Thought I'd forger abou you,righ?",he slurs trying to look intimidating standing head to head with me.

"I was hoping",I mutter under my breath.

"Well, you're rung because the Rick,he points to himself
forgers no one who rungs him"

"Can we talk about this?"
Even before I said it,I knew it was stupid but a man can only try.

"Did you...,he stops belching halfway through his sentence
hear this guy?. He wans su talk"

Dione scoffs behind me coming a little closer for comfort to me and whispers
"I told you I wasn't done with you"

Before I can come up with something pointless,I feel pain enter my soul through the cigarette butt that is being dug into my other shoulder.

Hands lay on me from every side,the smell of cigarettes thickens the air and the night passes by, slowly might I add in a painful blur.

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