Finn-ish What You've Started

Chapter 4

A few hours and two pizzas later, Finn and Taylor left with plans to hang out later in the week. The goodbyes were quick, especially with Finn who avoided eye contact, which made me wonder if I had imagined everything that happened in the pool. Maybe I was romanticizing a completely platonic friendship because I am the textbook definition of delusional.

I wonder what would have happened if Lynn didn't come out, if things would have ended differently and our time together wasn't overshadowed by theirs. I felt defeated but maybe this was exactly what I needed. He's out of my league and I would probably end up getting my feelings hurt if I continued on this path. It was for the best.

"Your friends seem really nice. Where did you meet them?"

"Yeah, they are. Bella recommended Taylor to get her nails done and it kind of just went from there."

"What about her brother? Flynn?" For fuck's sake.

"Finn," I harshly corrected, "and Taylor had him tag along with her today. She said that they're really close."

"He's a little cutie. He gave me his Snapchat so I think he likes me." At that moment, my heart broke. As much as I wanted to pretend that I didn't care, I needed to know more.

"Oh, that's nice. Did you ask him for his or..." I trailed off.

"I asked him." That makes it a little better. I nodded and chose to not press the topic any further.

Lynn helped me clean up before going inside and taking a shower, leaving me alone for my mind to wander. What were they talking about for so long? From what I knew about Finn, Lynn and him didn't have much in common besides their names rhyming. Maybe she was being more bold than I was, telling him how sexy he looked in his dripping bathing suit. Maybe he thanked her for giving him an excuse to stop talking to me. Maybe it was nothing that either of them said and they just naturally gravitated towards each other. When two people look like they do, as perfectly sculpted and baked as them, it makes sense they were made for one another. It doesn't make sense for him to be with someone whose skin jiggles when they laugh or who doesn't run marathons.

The sound of a new message brought me back into reality.

8:27 pm Taylor (nails): finn and i had so much fun today, cheers for inviting us!

8:28 pm Cathy: Of course, I'm really glad that you guys had fun! Thank you for coming :)

8:32 pm Taylor (nails): it was our pleasure lol

8:32 pm Taylor (nails): let me know if you still fancy going to the movies this week, ryan gosling on the big screen might cure everything in me

I couldn't help but laugh.

8:33 pm Cathy: Always! You just let me know when and where

For the rest of the night, I tried my hardest to keep my mind off of Finn by making myself busy. I tried knitting but every time Lynn was on her phone, I got jealous at the thought of her talking to him. I tried scrolling through Tik Tok but the tarot card readers were filling up my feed, getting my hopes up that the initials 'C' and 'F' are meant to be. After a while, I decided to go to my room, pop two melatonin, and sleep it off because it was going to drive me clinically insane soon.

As I put Bob's Burgers on in the background, I couldn't help but think about why this Finn thing is bothering me so much. I've had crushes before, hell I fall in love with three strangers minimum a day at first glance, so what is so different about him?

And then it hit me: I was in this situation with Lynn once before.

I used to be in love with Lynn's friend, Olly, ever since I danced with him at her sweet sixteen. The dance was magical, even if it was forced by his mom to make me feel included with the crowd, and I never stopped thinking about it. Lynn knew that I had a crush on him since I was 14 because I told her how cute I thought he was, but I never told her just how much I liked him. Two years ago, out of nowhere, Lynn began talking to Olly and made it a point to tell me every compliment that he paid her. I didn't let on how much it hurt me because I only ever said how it was a silly crush, so I let it go and swept my heartbreak under the rug.

The feeling of Olly picking Lynn over me will always be stuck with me. And I can't go through that again. I refuse to go through that again.

That was all that I needed to put my ass into gear to no longer crush on Finn Mira.

From now on, any thoughts about the male species will be limited to celebrity crushes (i.e., Harry Styles, Joshua Bassett, and Calum Hood), childhood crushes that fuel my delusions but are not heart breaking (i.e., Kyle Quinn from elementary school, Nick Stein from middle school, and Kevin Dilon from high school), and random men that have no strings or true feelings attached.

See? I have loads of options that will take up plenty of space in my mind, leaving no room to roam to, the now unattainable, Finn.

I have to keep reminding myself that it's not even that serious. I don't have the right to feel this way about him because I had only met the guy once, for a total of eight or nine hours. I barely knew anything about him either, only stupid stuff like his music taste and how anatomically symmetrical his face is. If his face was a blank canvas, I could probably point out where each freckle belonged with my eyes closed and where the small divot is on the bridge of his nose from him wearing his sunglasses around the clock.

When I closed my eyes for a quick minute, I was transported back to earlier in the day before I went into the pool. I can visualize his bare back and how there was water coating the beauty mark just below his right shoulder blade. The nape of his neck was the only portion of his hair that was wet, turning it the rich brown color. The top of his hair still appeared dirty blonde and tousled slightly, wishing for someone to run their hands through it. I had a clear picture of Finn turning around and his muscles slightly flexing as he messed with the water to push a bug away from him. He was facing in my direction now but he didn't look up, giving me a little while longer to become familiar with all of him. God, how I wished to know him more and --

A yawn tore me out of my memory, bringing me back to the harsh reality that we are now on the anti-crush on Finn train. I let out a big sigh. I underestimated just how difficult this was going to be. Lynn and Finn both deserved the happiness that they would inevitably bring each other, but I had to remove myself from that equation for my own sake.

As I felt the melatonin kick in and my eyes slowly begin to shut, I willed myself to make tomorrow a Finn-free zone.