mlp:eqg 'aura' || poorple

chapter 2 - never run and hide

For the last month, I have been busy with work I needed to get done. It all involved around my punishments I had to take from principals. I followed all the instructions imposed on me without resistance. I didn't respond with anything other than a simple 'yes, ma'am'.

At first, I was doing it with good intentions. I wanted to show others my exemplary behavior. I wanted to get them to know that I really am trying my hardest. When the first week passed without any major change in the looks that were given me, I raised the bar. I started to be faster and better at my tasks, no matter if they were small or big that day.

I honestly thought I was doing good. I was focusing on my duties, and nothing else mattered to me for a good two weeks of constantly trying. Successfully, my engagement seemed to help me get through the heaviest part of repairing my sins in material terms - rebuilding of the front came to an end.

My mind quickly seemed to return to something other than physical work. I finally had the time to see what was the impact of my tries. I expected something big, and most importantly, something good.

When I started to be inquisitive about the situation now, I was sure, that I shouldn't have been so hopeful. I walked up to my locker, only to see the word 'monster' written on it by a red permanent marker. I remember looking at it for a minute, like I wasn't sure of its realness.

It's been a few weeks since I knew that no amount of hard work was enough for other students to see my good side. When I thought about it more deeply, I wasn't sure if I was seeing it. The guilt was rising up inside me every day, so I understood that every single person who walked by passed me with a non-pleasant look. I also wouldn't smile at myself if I were them.

With all that, I couldn't enjoy my freedom from extra work. My head was facing down most of the time, and I couldn't bother more. I didn't care how that looked, when I haven't spoken up to any students since the time of the talk at the parking lot. It felt unnecessery. If no one would like that, I didn't need it.

-Okay class! I'm going to ask you to get into groups of three. - Miss Cheerilee gathered our attention. The students next to me quickly walked up to each other while starting to get together for the task. Everyone ignored me, though. It was fine. I didn't want to bother. I could even get a bad grade cause' of that, and that was fully fine with me. I was doodling in one of my notebooks to de-stress myself at this moment. With this, I wasn't showing much of my emotions. In reality, I was weirdly scared on the inside. Of course, I've never liked being social with others, but it never made me nervous. It was different this time for oblivious reasons.

-Excuse me Miss! - Someone raised their hand to get more attention from people around. - I think we already have full groups. - They announced. I looked slightly up to be confirmed at that. At the same time, my drawings started to look like maniacal lines cause' uncomfortable tension that built up in me.

-Oh, really? - She glanced around the room. She carefully placed her eyes on me, but surprisingly, she didn't say anything. I wasn't sure if I preferred it or not. I didn't want unnecessary attention dropped upon me, but her silence seemed like she was also too fed up with me to speak up. - So, every group will be doing its own project. - She started explaining, and as much as I wanted to remember it, I also wasn't included enough to know what to do. I stayed still when I felt like the students that were the closest to me were giving me oblivious side eyes. They definitely noticed the teacher's behavior.

I was still a student at this school, even if I didn't want this. Sadly, I lost all the energy to fight in situations like that. I was waking up, knowing I didn't deserve better. It wasn't only thoughts, but the feelings of backfire. That's why it got much harder to even get there. I've been late consistently for the past few days, and one of them I was completely absent cause' I just didn't make my way out of bed. I didn't know why I couldn't. The emptiness, that haven't left ever since the incident, resembled inside me on that heavy morning, and I knew it was the first time it finally consumed me all, leaving me miserable.

Finally, I heard a bell. The end of class meant that right now it was a lunch break. I didn't eat at the cafeteria anymore, scared of an unpleasant meeting, so it was a time to be able to find a quiet place to rest. So no one can find me for now.

I waited to be the last one to get out. As I was about to leave, suddenly I got called out.

-Sunset, can you stay for a minute? - I turned back.

-Ah... Of course. - I answered Miss Cheerilee immediately. I let out a small breath before I could get information what she needed from me. I still standed near the door.

-Will you be able to do the project alone? - She asked. I didn't think she could have that in mind. She had me in mind. It was nice hearing I wasn't invisible to someone who clearly seemed non-biased in my context. I nodded, realizing I had a chance of passing the work without any drama. - Good, I'm just making sure. Although, you can't get more time because of your position.

-I'll manage. - That's what I was also telling myself with most of the things.

-Great, then you're free now. - She smiled lightly for a second. I quickly turned away and walked out of the class. I knew the break was already happening, which meant I needed to hurry up with finding a good spot.

I speeded up my steps. Every student that turned around to see me passing by gave me a dose of anxiety. I tried to bury myself in my hoodie, but it didn't work enough to be effective.

Suddenly, something hit the back of my head. For a few seconds, I got too focused on the pain it caused to see what even that was. I finally turned around to reveal an apple lying on the floor.

The only luck here was that it didn't break on my head. I still managed to hear silenced laughter near me. Someone was purposely holding their hand on their mouth. I didn't see who it was, though. I didn't want to. Assertively, I left the fruit where it landed and continued walking even faster.

My head went down even more than before. I was feeling pathetic. I felt like the worst punching bag to ever exist. No one, I've ever bullied, felt this powerless next to me. Who would've thought that the girl, who two months ago was a bad and scary bully once, could become someone so avoiding in the opposite role.

The worst part of this was the deep feeling that the emptiness was getting slowly filled with the treatments I got. It wasn't looking like a good case scenario for me when I needed to survive in this world by coming here. I was trying to be strong. Even though I didn't seem like that kind of person. I got chills at the thought that I could've talked back when I got hit. Friendship laser still worked on me, but this time saving from evil wasn't looking any brighter. Although, I promised I'd never run and hide from it. I needed it take it all.