Three masked men

the hospital

"Riley, Riley, Riley!"  I open my eyes slowly, glancing around the room confused and weak. I see a young woman sitting in a hospital chair next to me calling my name, she’s dressed in a sky blue scrubs, and she had dark blue eyes, dirty blonde hair, and tan skin. As I finally start being able to focus on her more and comprehend what’s going on. I couldn’t remember much, things raced through my mind of what I could remember, I was in excruciating pain and was stuck with multiple ivy’s in both of my arms. My body was achy and my eyes were swollen to where they were almost shut. I just laid there trying not to move a muscle. The nurse just sat in the chair watching my every move. She was looking up and down my body shaking her head in disgust; I could just read her thoughts by the faces she was making. She brought her attention back to my eyes and began to speak in a soft gentle voice; she asked me "do you remember what happened last night?" I looked at her and swallowed, I answered softly, "not really, only a little." She looks at the papers she has on the clipboard and started writing what I’ve said down. She looks back up at me; she asks me again, "can you explain what you remember of yesterday?" I nod my head yes and begin "I-I-I, I remember walking, down the dark road, almost at my h-house. I heard guys walking behind me joking and laughing but I couldn’t hear what they were saying. I was almost home and kept walking, I walked up the stairs to my apartment door and I heard them walk up the stairs. I dropped my keys in fear," starting to get choked up and my voice starts to crack, "I then felt a large hand on my shoulder, they turned me around forcefully and pushed me into the door and then picked me up and threw me down the concrete stairs, I rolled down them and hit my head. That’s all I remember..." The tears in my eyes start to make my eyes burn, I blink hard and a slow stream just falls down my cheek, creating a long stream. I move my arm to my neck slowly and rub it side to side as the ivy’s hit my head and tugged on my arms, all I wanted to do was try to change my mind of the horrid thoughts of what else they could’ve done to me. I just sunk deep down in the white bed, the nurse just watching me close and writing multiple things down on her paper. I look at her hard wishing she would just go away and not ask me anymore questions but she showed that she obviously wasn’t going to go anywhere anytime soon. I rolled to my left side into a ball, my knees to my chest and my arms trying to hold my knees close, my head hid between my shoulder blades and knees. My tears building more and more in my eyes, and just start sobbing in fright and pain. I thought to myself, what did they want with me? Did I ever do anything to piss them off? Did I even know them? My mind was racing with so many questions and thoughts of what else they did to me, I just sobbed harder. The nurse comes over to the side of the bed and sits down; she rubs my leg trying to relax me, telling me that I’m safe here. It was hard to believe though; I thought I was safe around there, I’ve always walked pasted that alley and that never happened to me before, only this time. But why did it have to happen to me? Why did they have to do it at all? All I was doing was going to a store because I ran out of food and this is what had to happen. My body filled with anger but my eyes filled with tears. This shouldn’t have happened. I started shaking and freaking out, all I wanted to do was scream at the top of my lungs to make the past go away, I already went through a hard enough time being transgender, why did I have to get the shit beaten out of me? Couldn’t they have just minded their own business just like I was? My body began to hurt more, bad thoughts raced through my mind fast and all I could do is think of those things. I knew I didn’t have any happiness so why would it even matter? The more I was thinking the harder I cried. My swollen eyes filled with tears and would just overflow and fall down my cheeks. My eyes were like waterfalls during a severe thunderstorm, they just streamed down my face nonstop. The tears began burning my eyes; they felt like they were blood shot after I swam in a pool with my eyes open. If someone looked at my eyes they’d be able to just tell what I went through. If my heart was able to speak or even write they would be able to tell how I feel. If my brain let me remember what they did to me I could finally speak and tell them what the people looked like, and what they did to me too. It was like my worst nightmares coming to life and repeating in my mind over and over. I knew sleeping wasn’t going to help but that’s all my body wanted to do. If I shut my eyes maybe I would just forget of everything and all the thoughts would just disappear, or maybe this whole thing was just a bad dream that I could wake up from, but the pain, it was just too real. I couldn’t feel all of this pain and be asleep. I couldn’t see and remember this stuff it was a dream; I knew this was reality and my reality. This was life; this was hell coming to life. I finally opened my eyes and started to stop crying I looked straight ahead out the window, I started catching my breath but the tears still streamed down my face. When they finally slowed down I was able to breathe and calm a little bit more down. I started out the window at the rain that was pouring and hitting the window. It sounded as if it was bees hitting the windows. The lightening lit up the night sky; you could see some clouds because they would light up every time there was lightening. The thunder shook the building, it rumbled as if there were a football game going on right outside the hospital. All I could do was just staring out the window and try my hardest to push the thoughts and memories away. I focused hard on the wind though; I wanted the wind to blow away the pain, thoughts, and memories all away. One last tear slowly fell down my cheek; I then finally closed my eyes, trying to relax. I stared dozing off and I was finally start to breathe normally, everything felt like it was going away, I fell into a deep sleep, no dreams, no emotions, no feelings. It was as if nothing happened, or as if I wasn’t even alive.