Queen of Nothing

24. firelight

I burst through the front door, still running on fumes, coming face to face with Gia, who looked peeved. 

She was wearing our mom's robe, nursing a cup of tea on the couch as if she were gearing up for a big-sister smackdown. I wanted to laugh at the sight. 

"Where on earth have you been?" She hissed. "I've been worried sick, you can't just leave like that without saying a word." 

"Sorry, Mom." I slung my bag off my shoulder, wincing at the clink of the bottle in it. Her look sharpened as she yanked the backpack from where I'd dropped it. 

"Hey!" I yelled, trying to grab for it, "Gia give it back!"

She ignored my pleading and plunged her hand into opened zipper, pulling out the now empty bottle of svedka. She turned on me, with a severe look and I had the audacity to shrink under her gaze. She had never looked more like our actual mother. 

"You've been drinking? And driving?" 

I shrugged, and trying to turn up the stairs. Her hand shot out to grip my elbow as she yanked me to face her, "Have you lost your goddamn mind?" 

Maybe it was the remnant of the vodka that was still coursing through my veins, but something like anger crawled up my throat. I narrowed my eyes at her and hissed, "I did, actually. Now can I go to my room, or am I grounded, Mom?" 

"Stop calling me that!" She shrieked. 

"Then quit acting like her," I shot back. 

Her fury morphed into something glum as her shoulders slumped, "I'm not acting like her." 

"Oh really?" I pressed, "The robe, the tea, the fake authority. If you haven't noticed, I've been doing fine without you here. So by all means, don't let me get in the way of your next big getaway plot." 

At my words, she let go of my arm, wincing with the effort, "Mahi, I know I messed up, but when are you going to stop punishing me for it?" 

"NEVER!" I thundered, with a tone that surprised even me, before repeating it again softly, "never." 

She looked down at her feet, and in that moment she went back to being my big sister, in all of her vulnerable glory. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do to fix this." She whispered. "I'm trying so hard, Mahi. I really am." 

"I don't know how to forgive you," I admitted, "But I don't know how to forgive anyone. Everything is crap right now. And I don't need you to be a parent, goddamnit, I need you to be my sister. That's all I ever wanted you to be." 

She met my gaze once more, "What's going on?" 

I thought about the application portal, the words stamped across the screen. The look on Milo's face. 

"Columbia...I didn't get in," I murmured, surprised at my own honesty. 

She paused, a look of devastation mirrored on her face, "Mahi-" 

I shrugged, "Overrated." 

Then, she did something that really pushed me past my limit. She pulled me in for a hug, wrapping her arms tightly around my upper back. I felt fragile, like a bird in her arms, and something about being embraced made me want to collapse in a pile right then and there. 

I felt my heart flutter, once, then twice, a golden shimmer cascading down.

"They didn't deserve you anyway," she murmured against my hair, "no one does." 

"Okay," I muttered. 

"But also, Mahi. We should probably talk."

"About?" I frowned, but took a seat.