Queen of Nothing

1. There's a New Girl in Town

I was eating breakfast alone, laptop open to a million tabs. This was always tradition on the first day of school as my divorced parents each frequented the opposite ends of the earth for their various obligations. My mother had boyfriends, my father had issues staying put. Both strayed far from their responsibilities as parents.

And as I made my way to my car, I caught my reflection in the garage door mirror. Dark hair, dark eyes. Heart-shaped face done up in light makeup, a cropped black square neck top that showed off my collarbones, and the charm necklace that lay on top. White converse. Jeans that made my ass stand out.

If I peered at myself hard enough, I could see past it, the glamour, the togetherness of my appearance. The skeletal thing that hid behind skin tints and lip glosses and delicate jewelry. The infernal being that lurked beneath the titles, the obsession with social hierarchies.

She was twisted and dark, sharp at the edges, desperation dripping from every pore. The sight of her made my stomach tighten. But I blinked, and she was gone, and relief flooded my veins.

I got into my car and flipped the visor up, shunning the mirror from my presence. I could not afford any more surprise appearances today.

There was no space for her in my life this year. Not one bit.

---

The entourage was at their usual meeting point, by the outside senior tables as they huddled deep into gossip. Katie waved me over and scooted to make space while Zara chattered on,

"And so, I guess you're supposed to pee after."

I raised an eyebrow, which prompted Katie to answer in her stead, "Her and Jack have been hooking up again."

I wrinkled my nose, "Ew...that loser? I thought you didn't want to associate with him this year," before flipping my laptop open to check on debate team schedules.

Zara's expression changed immediately, to one of embarrassment, "I guess, but he's really nice to me and honestly, he's not bad once you get to know him-"

"Drop him," I interjected, "immediately."

Her face fell. I tried to inject some sweetness into my tone, to round out the harshness of what I was about to say,

"It's just that...you've been planning on going to Boston U for, like, forever right? And it just seems like he'd be lucky to get accepted into a community college. Do you really see this going that far?"

"I mean there's nothing wrong with community college, plus he seems to really have a plan-"

"I'm serious, Zara. Drop him. He's not good for you, and frankly, this discussion is getting on my nerves."

She didn't respond, silence permeating the air with tension. I went back to browsing debate schedules, watching as the deep red of my nails sped over the keys, to distract myself. It wasn't easy being Queen.

I worked hard to be at the top. And not in the self-effacing way, where popular girls tried to downplay their status and act like they were above social hierarchies. I knew where I stood, and I made it known to those around me at every given moment. To rule, you had to remind your subordinates of why they needed someone to lead them, to make the right decisions for them.

It took sacrifice, a relentless amount of it. But nothing worth having came that easy. If only I could put that on my college applications, under 'Leadership.' Katie cleared her throat,

"I guess on other news, have you guys heard? There's this new girl transferring to Crestwood, she's in our year."

I perked up at this, intrigue and apprehension dancing on my nerves, "What? Who transfers schools during their senior year?"