Before the New Moon

Chapter 9

 I was honestly starting to hate Dr. Douglas' sincerity in her work. Like many, many times before I sat across from her in her chamomile smelling office, a neat plate of fresh donuts on her desk and a calm and open expression on her face. The only difference was the abused piece of paper in my hands that felt like it was searing my palms. I'd lost count of the amount of times that I'd crumpled the thing and thrown it away just to dig it out of the garbage, read its contents again, and repeat the process all over.

Miss Jennifer found the letter in my locker when she went to get my school supplies for me after Dr. Douglas suggested that I should study from home for the time being. I'm sure I have the worst attendance record in the country, but I guess psychiatric doctors' notes could do wonders.

"So, Eleonor, how have you been handling everything?" She broke the silence first, like always, getting straight to the point. I wish she'd beat around the bush a little, it'd give me time to come up with ways to deflect her questions. But I supposed she knew that, she is a psychologist. "Have you gone out?" She continued, "Maybe, helped Miss Brown with the shopping?"

You know I didn't. I think bitterly, but don't say. This feels different, embarrassing. Everyones afraid I'll lose it like last time, but I don't remember feeling this angry before. Scared? Helpless? Sad? Yes. But right now all i feel is anger. It feels like I can't breathe I'm so angry.

But i don't say any of that, how could i. There's so much context I can't say without sounding insane or risking the wrath of some vampire aristocracy.

"I've helped her around the house." I answer curtly.

"But not outside the house?" She pushes, and my silence is answer enough for her. She sighed and leaned back in her chair. She looked at me, then down at the crumpled piece of paper in my hands. She nodded at it casually. "Do you want to talk about it, finally?" She took one of the donuts on her desk and took a bite. I could tell she was getting annoyed. She wasn't dumb and knew there was something I wasn't telling her.

And i couldn't blame her for being frustrated with me. She's been my therapist since I started planning the move to Forks, so I guess my regression to silence and one sentences answers must annoy her despite all her professionality. It did make me feel bad, coming back to this dynamic especially after always dropping everything just to deal with my meltdowns...

"Young lady, I won't ask again!" The police officer demanded as he pounded on the maintenance closet door, "Come out or there will be consequences!" I just stayed curled into myself, head between my knees, eyes closed so tight I not even tears could fall.

Go away!

Go away!

Go away!

The yelling and pounding on the door continued, and muffled voices fought in the background, but I couldn't make out what they were saying. I tried to count, to do the breathing exercises Dr. Douglas had taught me, but nothing worked.

It was happening again!

It's not fair!

I didn't do anything!

I didn't do anything!

"Eleonor." A calm voice spoke through the door. When did the screaming stop? "Eleonor, can you hear me?" Dr. Douglas? When did she get here?

I stared at the door for a long moment, my sight blurry from the tears. I didn't answer.

"Eleonor, please, you're not in trouble." She pleaded, "How about you knock twice on the door to let me know you're okay? Okay?" I hesitated for a moment, Dr. Douglas was good. She'd believed me if I told her I didn't do anything. But she wasn't alone out there. "Please." She said again, and I moved to the door, pressing my side to it, my knees to my chest still. I took a shaky breath, but knocked twice on the door.