terminal

Bad Habit

Brave Aviana, she was a stranger, or maybe a good twin, but

she wasn't the Aviana who took her mother's wallet and hid it -

she wasn't the Aviana who threw the car keys in the trash -

she wasn't the Aviana who pretended to be constipated so that

they left late; it was all a plot to avoid her third round of treatment;

One morning, after Aviana said she was feeling too sick to move,

and then refused to get out of bed because it hurt, it was as if

a light switched on in her parents' minds that she is being defiant;

There was anger and yelling, followed by crying and apologizing -

never from their little bird - Aviana was once again not asked

whether or not she wanted to continue her treatment; plus, now,

another surgery was to be performed to remove bigger and newer

tumors in her body, which would result in a three week stay right

smack dab in the middle of summer; while she would be in the

hospital, her sisters would be at overnight camps with friends -

Aviana resented them for their freedom, and she was to the point

where she would rather know she would die than die trying to fight it;

Cancer was stealing every last thing from Aviana - from her

entire family: relationships, time, money, memories, time, joy...

time... so much time... Where there were laughs is now

resentment; where there was softness there's callousness;

where there was trust now festered with spite; Aviana's parents

fought constantly about who would deal with what in the constant

barrage of appointments and reminders for medications and

trips for treatments and telemedicine follow-up calls; they just -

don't have the energy for it anymore, and they don't hide their

distaste for the toll it is taking on them as individuals; which is

why Aviana wanted to stop going to the doctors and getting

poked and taking medicine and all of it - Aviana just wanted it

to stop taking every last thing that she ever loved away from her!

It wasn't fair! Her parents were miserable, her sisters were

moving on in their lives without her, and she was stuck in a

foreign body that was both hers and not, living a nightmare that

never ends; Aviana still didn't know the truth of her diagnosis, and

prognosis was not a word she knew yet, but she didn't want to watch

her family be destroyed by the cancer only for it to outlive her;

Aviana wanted them to live happily again, even if that's the last

thing she would ever do in her life - it would be worth it.