terminal

Truth

Surgery came up again, but not the way that Aviana expected;

Her parents stared, accosted, at the new doctor who simply shook

his head before they could even form a full sentence in protest; and

this doctor looked directly at Aviana, "Your cancer is not responding

to treatment, and you deserve to know the truth. You are terminally ill,

Aviana, which means you will die. It is not 'if' you will die, it is a matter

of 'when' will you die," and she had confirmation, for the first time, of

what she has long suspected; Aviana's father grabbed a pillow from

the couch and hit it against the arm repeatedly as he sobbed - and her

mother simply curled into herself to sob uncontrollably; Aviana

remained calm, staring down the doctor, "Thank you," she said,

"I have been waiting for someone to tell me how bad it is;"

The ride home was long, full of tears, and many stops to clean up

in fast food bathrooms or fill up on gas station snacks; Aviana

was allowed to eat so much candy; when they arrived home, it was

empty; Mother told Aviana that they asked for Brynn and Lilly

to stay with their grandma for a few days while they discussed her

diagnosis and prognosis; "Because I'm terminal?" Father nodded;

Aviana shrugged, "I think that's okay. I never liked treatments

anyway," but her acceptance had already been in her heart; her

parents were grieving a reality they pretended would never come

to pass; More than anything, Aviana had one request, "Can I

tell Lilly and Brynn myself?" They did not agree, but said they would

have to think about it before they would commit to an answer,

but, before they went to tuck her in, they told her they would

answer any questions she has about dying and what comes

next, Aviana declined, thinking she had a really good grip on

what dying would be like for her, so then they tucked her in and

left her be for the rest of the night; Aviana expected to cry or

at least feel mad about being told she would certainly die;

Those feelings never came, though, and instead she just thought

about how she wanted to be remembered and celebrated

after she was gone; and all of it would have to start with her

upcoming seventh birthday - no gifts for Aviana, no, she wanted

to focus on the living instead; as all of the ideas came rushing

into her little bird brain, she got out of bed and perched at her

desk, writing and drawing all her ideas out so she could show

off her "end of life plans" to her parents in the morning at breakfast.