Never Say Never

Chapter 18

 Steve stood frozen as he took in the tears running down her cheeks, her knees sunk into the grass, her hand pressed next to the name carved into the stone.

Justin Keith Randall

Beloved Son, Husband, and Father

1963-1994

What in the hell was he doing? He'd intruded on her conversation with her dead husband. He'd cut right into what was obviously an emotional moment for her. He'd shattered this very private heartbreak for her, coming in like a baseball bat colliding with a window. Had he really thought that following her to the cemetery was a good idea?

"Steve? What...what are you doing here?" she asked, her brows meeting in the middle in confusion.

Good question. What was he doing here? After his chat with Nancy, he'd been so desperate to talk to her, to make things right, to apologize for being the jerk who'd walked away from her at the hospital and then hadn't even bothered to check on her. When she wasn't home and Lucas told him where she'd gone, he hadn't even stopped to think through what he was about to do. Hadn't even considered why following her there was a bad idea. He hadn't even contemplated why she might be in a cemetery, whose grave she might be visiting. He'd just gotten in his car.

"I wanted to talk to you. I mean..." He gritted his teeth, hands coming to his hips, wincing at his own stupidity. Now he had to backpedal, get himself out of this, not appear to be the heartless jerk who hadn't considered her feelings again. "I showed up at your house first but you weren't there. Max was out with Eli practicing the skateboard and Lucas told me they were watching him because you'd gone to the cemetery. And so I came here...to talk to you...but now I'm thinking that was a really stupid idea. Obviously, this is not the place or the time. Clearly you wouldn't want me to be here. I didn't mean to...I'm sorry. Jesus, I'll just..."

He turned to go but her voice, quavering and soft, saying his name, stopped him. She rose to her feet as he turned back to her, brushing her knees off of the dirt and grass that was clinging to her jeans.

Pushing her hair back off her shoulders, she faced him, and even in this state, broken and grieving, she was beautiful. The red, swollen eyes, the grass stained knees, the sadness etched into every facet of her face did not take away from how absolutely stunning this woman was. It took every ounce of self control he had not to pull her into his arms, to hold her until he could take all of that hurt away.

"I didn't mean to interrupt. I should have known...when Lucas said you were at the cemetery...obviously you were here to see your husband. I feel like such a dick right now. I shouldn't have come. I'm sorry."

"No. No. It's okay," she insisted, shaking her head.

Her arms wrapped around her stomach, that familiar gesture he'd seen both her and Eli use, as if they could hold all their broken parts in, as if they could keep them from spilling out into a messy pile on the floor. It gutted him to know they'd both known such devastation that they'd had to learn to compartmentalize it. She looked so fragile, as if the smallest pressure would shatter her, and he couldn't stop himself this time. Steve stepped into her, not touching, terrified she would rebuff him, but feeling the ache in his chest ease a bit at just being close enough to do so if she wanted that.

"Are you alright?" he asked, worried that he was the cause of her tears and sadness. Had he ruined any shot he had with her? What kind of guy just disappeared on the girl he loved for four days after she'd been in the hospital? What kind of guy disappeared on the girl he loved for four days, period? What kind of guy didn't even call to check in on her, knowing the struggles she dealt with on a daily basis?