23 - False God

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"Remember how I said I'd die for you?"
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You take the time to soak in the impact of Dwayne's words. Each one ricocheting around your body with the weight of a cannonball.

What did he mean when he said that everything Emily has done has been about you?

Has Emily talked about you to him? Does she feel the same way you do? Does she feel the opposite?

Your heart rushes to the best case scenario. And then right to the worst.

Emily shifts awake at the edge of the bed, her hands instinctively moving to flatten her hair. Then to straighten the neckline of her shirt which has moved lopsided as she slept. Finally, she turns to face you, realization striking her face. The bliss of sleep replaced with the painful reality of last night. Her boyfriend cheating on her with her best friend. The manipulation of every step inbetween.

"Hey," you say, forcing a smile.

"'Morning," she says back to you. "Have you heard anything?"

You nod once and pat the mattress next to you. Emily moves next to you, the heat radiating off her body and onto you. Your skin is only millimeters apart; the energy between you is magnetic.

The expression behind her eyes is unreadable. Sadness? Anger? Regret? Relief? You can't tell.

You reach out and brush a stray piece of hair behind her ear, letting your hand linger against her cheek.

"It worked," you try to tell her with as much strength as you can muster, but it only comes out a whisper.

Emily swallows then slides closer to you, her body fitting into its familiar place against your side. Your arm wraps around her, pulling her close. Your thumb draws circles on her back, and your other hand takes a hold of hers.

You think again about your short conversation with Dwayne before saying, "What do you need?"

"I don't know," Emily says. Not with defeat. Not with anger. Or sadness. Or confusion. With acceptance. This whole thing happened and will continue to happen, and there's nothing Emily can do about it.

You kiss her temple and let your lips linger on her skin. Taking a deep breath, you blurt out, "I'm in love with you, Emily Blunt."

Emily sits up and pushes away from you, her hand lying limply in yours, but she doesn't pull it away. "Y/N..."

"Emily, I've loved you for so long. I don't even know when I started. You're kind and beautiful and bright and smart and talented. I love your smile and the crinkle by your eyes. I love how you try to hard to make sure you earn validation from everyone even though you don't even need to try. You're irresistible, Emily. It takes everything in me to not jump up and kiss you and run my hands up and down every inch of your body. I want to get to know you, Em, like really get to know you. But only if you'd let me."

Emily gently lets her hand slip from yours and turns her head away from you. She doesn't say anything for a while.

"Emily?" You say, the nerves suddenly rushing up through your throat and pounding into your head. "Emily, please say something."

"I think I need to go home," she mutters, quickly standing up and making her way to the door.

"No!" You say with pure force in your voice.

Emily stops walking but doesn't turn to face you.

You stand up and stalk towards her. "No, you don't get to walk out on me. After everything I've done for you. I deserve an answer, Emily. A yes or no answer."

"I need time, Y/N," she sighs before turning around, "Time to learn how to trust and love and exist again, because right now I'm not sure I know how."

You swallow, unsure of how to argue with that. After everything Nolan put her through and all of the other relationships she's had before him that she refuses to talk about, all of her feelings are valid. You can't blame her.

"I never meant to hurt you, Y/N," Emily reaches out and wipes the tears from your cheeks, "And I'm terribly sorry if I ever led you on. I like you. A lot. I really do. I just need time."

And she turns to leave.

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"I know Heaven's a thing. I go there when you touch me. Honey, hell is when I fight with you."

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