It smelled like smoke when I entered the hospital. My wife was entering labor as she was carried next to me. To me it felt like a war zone. There was ash and gunpowder everywhere.
The last time I have entered a hospital it was 12 pm with my mother. The night was high and the moon looked like it would pour a trick on us. Between the water drops you could see some stars. They were watching, carelessly. I caught one of their little dances with the corner of my eye, but I was too distracted by the tears from my own eyes running down my cheek. They left a hot trail behind. In that cold December night, only the company of my tears and holding the hand of my mother bring warmth to me.
Emergency room is just ahead, a few more steps. Christmas is not supposed to be like this I say. New year eve is not supposed to be like that. Christmas is about getting bored besides your family while new year eve is about forgetting about it all, going wild and getting drunk. People either end up sleeping on the streets or in a hospital. Few have the opportunity to fall in the arms of the loved ones, maybe even less people do for Christmas.
My mind was in different places at once: past, present, future they are all the same to me. One bad memory is replaced by another one. Yet, this was a special moment. The birth of my son and the first time I am going to be a father.
"How do you know he is going to be a boy?" my wife asked. Honey, we only watched superhero movies while he was in your belly. Something must have sticked to him. And if he doesn't remember anything, we will make him fail class and put him back into your belly for 9 months. She didn't laugh, my wife can have a scary look sometimes.
The last time I heard her scream so badly it was at the zoo. I guess seeing monkeys throwing their feces at each other is a kind of labor too. A monkey got close to the bars of it's cage and was standing face to face with us. The money screamed at us and my wife screamed back. I was thinking how a lucky man I am. She's a rebel.
Nowadays we spend out days at work. We hope that the bringing of a baby (boy) in our lives would make us spend more time together. I can't imagine how it was for her to attend work in an IT company while she was 9 months pregnant. A colleague could laugh at her, "girl did you eat the whole fridge". Terrible when I think about it. Sends me chills down my spine. If any guy was so unlucky to say that she would have mauled him to death.
Leaving obscenities aside, my wife is ready to deliver. I am hardly ready for anything; I feel like falling out the chair. There must be some soda machine nearby.
The machine has Fanta and Cola and I drink none. Only sprite. But I will not bore you with the waiting details, the story will unfold on another path:
What does a baby think of when he has just gained conscious? The pain, the anguish? He needs to get used to that, in middle school if you feel pain they give you an aspirin and send you back to class.
Enough talking, the doctors are calling me inside. Smell of gunpowder fills my nostrils. The baby has blood all over him. Causality of war. My wife whispers to me:
"It's a girl" she says
I guess I was wrong. In love and war everything is possible. And by God, I love her with my whole heart.
18.04.2024
