THE CRUEL PRINCE | SUNOO

14 - More Than Just a Shadow

"You ran away." I tear my lips off Niki's and slightly push him away, my hands resting against his chest while I try to watch my breath. I can't just give in to this twisted desire in the face of everything else. "Why?" My hand reaches for the dagger strapped to my thigh, my fingers trembling while my heart tells me not to dare touch it. 

I watch as he leans against the wall, his breath ragged. "I had to," He replies, his voice hoarse as if unused. "I couldn't stay, not after what you said. Not after realizing what I was putting you through by being there." My chest tightens at his words. A selfish part of me wants to be angry, to lash out at him for leaving me so confused, so torn. But another, quieter part, knows he's right. I'm the one who told him that we couldn't be together, that our worlds are too different, too dangerous. I'm the one who pushed him away, who made him feel like he had no choice but to leave. The sting of my words is now a bitter aftertaste on my tongue. Shame washes over me, a prickling heat that crawls beneath my skin.

"You know the punishment for a half-breed caught aiding a rebel," I whisper, the memory of his name inked first in bold letters on the list of traitors flashing in my mind. My words are an attempt at an excuse but I know they ring hollow even to my own ears. 

"And you know the punishment for a servant caught fraternizing with a guard." He glances down, a flicker of pain crossing his features. "And yet, you're still looking at my lips—"

"I'm not," I look away, running my fingers through my hair while trying to quell the traitorous flutter in my chest. "I can't afford to be distracted by such... foolish desires," I assert, the words coming out strained and unconvincing even to myself. Deep down, I know the truth. My feelings for Niki are anything but foolish; they're consuming, overwhelming, and utterly dangerous. 

"Nyx, I didn't leave because I wanted to. I left because I thought it was what you wanted, what was best for you." He's taking steps closer and I'm backing away from him until my back hits some furniture I can't even identify in the dim light. Panic starts to bloom in my chest, a suffocating pressure that threatens to consume me. His nearness is both a comfort and a terrifying threat.

"Niki," I breathe, his name a desperate plea for him to understand. "Don't make this harder than it already is. You're wanted and I'm supposed to turn you in. That's my duty, my only purpose in this oppressive system. How can we even think about... about anything when you're a target on their backs and I'm barely tolerated as a shadow in the corner?" The frustration spills out of me, a torrent of fear and confusion disguised as anger. 

Niki stops a hair's breadth away, his hand hovering near but not touching mine. "There's no turning back on this, Nyx," his voice is low, a rumble that vibrates through me. "Not for either of us. I'm not who you think I am and this rebellion," He continues, his voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper, "needs someone on the inside. Someone with access to whispers in hallways, scraps of information overheard during late-night patrols. Someone like you, Nyx—"

"Don't touch me," I hiss and everything inside me recoils. The raw vulnerability I exposed just moments ago slams shut, replaced by a wall of cold fear. Niki's hand freezes in mid-air, a flicker of hurt crossing his features. "Just because I haven't killed you doesn't mean I'm going to be like you. I will not. You don't understand, I vowed my life to the crown." I may like him, love him even, but he's also a rebel, a traitor in the eyes of the very system that keeps me, however precariously, safe. "The king wants you dead, Niki, what are you even doing here?"

"And what are you doing here, Nyx, disguised as a servant?" His hand slowly withdraws, the hurt in his eyes replaced by a cold indifference that sends a shiver down my spine. "You're loyal to the crown? What a fucking joke. Loyal to an heir who'd murder his own father and brother just for the throne? Is that what you believe in, Nyx? Blind servitude to a tyrant?" His voice drips with a bitter sarcasm that cuts through my fragile defenses. Shame floods my cheeks, hot and stinging.

"You don't get to ask me anything." I push past Niki and before I reach the door, I turn and point at him. "You think you're hiding, but step one foot out of those shadows and they'll cut you down faster than you can blink. And I might be the one to do it." 

Niki doesn't flinch. "But you love me—"

"Because you called me beautiful." The words spill out of my mouth, a bitter truth that stings worse than any accusation. "You saw something in me that no one else bothered to look for, and for a moment, I allowed myself to believe that maybe, just maybe, there was more to this world than duty and deception but I was wrong and I'll be damned if I let you drag me down with your delusions. There's no room for love when I could draw my dagger and put it right through your heart for the sake of this kingdom." With that, and though my voice cracks, I silently leave the room, climbing down one of the windows before I walk away from the castle and back home where I strip off the servant clothes and let myself sink into the familiarity of my own chamber. My parents are still asleep and dawn is breaking through the horizon while I collapse onto my bed, exhaustion seeping into every fiber of my being.

But soon after I lay on my bed, Lian knocks on my door and I have to get up and start getting ready for my day. "Nyx? Are you alright? You look pale." When she pushes the door open and steps inside, her eyes widen as if she just spotted a ghost. 

"I just don't feel good. It will pass." I force a smile and try to reassure her while she frowns, standing in the middle of the room like a statue. "I will be fine." Standing up, I brush past her, wincing as a wave of dizziness washes over me. Sleep deprivation and the emotions of a girl in love have taken their toll. The image of Niki flashes before me and I almost groan in frustration. Why am I thinking of his lips and his eyes and the way his touch sends shivers down my spine when everything else in the kingdom feels so cold? I'm a hunter, not a lovesick fool. And yet, and yet, and yet. 

"Nyx," My name is called through the hallway and I turn around to find the second prince, standing alone with his crown tilting slightly to the side and a wince crossing his features. His gaze meets mine, and for a moment, there's a flicker of something in his eyes, curiosity and perhaps something darker.

"Your Highness," I reply, my voice steady despite the storm raging within me. I bow and lower my gaze, maintaining the proper decorum expected in the presence of royalty. He approaches, his steps deliberate, each one echoing in the quiet corridor. "I didn't expect you to attend classes today, given your little situation." Raising my head after a few seconds of forced respect, I stare into his eyes and detect a wry amusement dancing in their depths. He's playing a game, that much is clear. But what is his endgame? 

"Perhaps," He drawls, his voice laced with arrogance. We're back among the public, of course, his façade of the untouchable prince will be back too. "the second prince requires no formal education on the finer points of swordsmanship today. Seems yesterday's lesson was rather... enlightening." I scoff at his words, looking away while shaking my head in disbelief. He stops right in front of me, so close I can feel the heat radiating from his body. His smirk widens, a dangerous glint in his eyes. "You seem awfully comfortable for someone who spent last night sneaking through the castle hallways and patching up the second prince. What do you think my brother would do to you if he ever knew you're the one who dared to defy him? If he knows you're our father's little shadow?"

"And you seem awfully comfortable for someone who was on the edge of death just a few hours ago," I reply, my voice dripping with sarcasm as I meet his gaze head-on. "But I suppose surviving an assassination attempt is all in a day's work for a prince of the realm." I'm starting to regret ever helping him. I'm starting to regret not putting another blade through his heart when I had the chance.

The prince's smirk fades, replaced by a glower that sends a chill down my spine. "Watch your tongue, Nyx," He growls, his voice low and dangerous. "Perhaps your loyalty to my father is stronger than I initially believed. Or perhaps, you have a more personal interest in the well-being of a certain rebel." The world stops. My breath hitches and a cold knot forms in the pit of my stomach."See? You're not so clever after all, little half-breed."