Untold thoughts - Between us (WinTeam)

The help he needs

It's been a few hours since the incident in the bathroom of Teams room. With care I stroked his cheek, I could see his eyes being red and puffy from his crying. He was so beautiful, but the sadness is something I don't want to see on him. We were laying in his bed, his head on my arm. Slow and silent breaths could be heard from Team, he finally fell asleep after a long crying session, he really needed this sleep now.

I closed my eyes thinking back on what happened earlier.

"Would you try to talk to a therapist please?"I asked, hoping he would give me the answer I wanted to hear. His big eyes were on me. "I don't need a therapist, everything is fine." My hope crushed. "Team! You need someone, something. This can't go on any longer, do you really want to end up dead?" before I could think I yelled at him. I slowly fell back, while he looked at me not saying a word. This is something he didnt need now..or is it exactly what he needed. Someone who throws the harsh reality in his face? Would I be the one to do it? Is there anyone else who could do it?

I stopped my thoughts, taking his hand again. "Team, I'm sorry. You're important to all of us and you must know that this," I was showing him his bandage on his damaged arm. "This can't go on longer. You're hurting yourself in so many ways and I'm not sure if you even look for something to help you out of it. I want to be there for you, but I can only to this if you let me. And if you don't want me to be this person to help-" I stopped, taking a big breath and letting go of his hand again. "Then maybe Pharm or Manow...or anyone else. Just someone will hopefully be the person for you." I didn't really care who would be the one beside Team, as long as there is someone who can help him get out of this spirale, to help him understand himself.

"Pharm is seeing a therapist?" he asked after a short time. I gave him nod. "About his fear of loud noises?" I didn't really knew, I just knew there was something. "I don't know, maybe there is more about it, but that is the job of a therapist to find out. To uncover the reasoning behind the fear, the pain and then give you ways to deal with it, to heal it." Team looked at his arm, at the bloodstained towel and then he looked at me. "Hia, I'm... I don't know. Everything is just swirling in my head and I-" "It's okay, don't apologize. I just want you to understand that you don't have to do it alone."

He slowly stood up from the floor, still unstable on his feet and then looking down on me. "Hia." He said, I stood up trying to show my strengh, but before I stood straight he swung his arms around me, burrying his face in my chest. "I'll try to talk to Pharm, I promise. Please, give me time." My arms went around his back, pressing hit tighter into the hug. "You can do it Team. Pharm will listen and understand too. I'm sure he will. Pharm loves you, you're his best friend." I tried my best to give him the courage he needed. He loosened the hug and looked into my eyes. "Thank you Hia, for everything. You're annoying me so often, but no matter what you're always there for me. I'm sorry for everything you had to go through because of me." He tried to give me a soft smile, but I could see how his mouth was trembling, so I gave him a warm smile. "Obviously I would be there for you, I mean I lo-" no, I can't burden him with this too now. It would be too much. "You're special to me."

He nod and looked shyly around himself, he took my hand. "Hia, can we...clean up later and just go to bed. I'm tired now." His voice was still so small and not what I was used to. "Sure, it won't run away, come." I gently walked him to his bed, made him lay down and turned around, but he "Hia. Stay here. I don't want to be alone now, not for the next times. I'm tired of not being around you." Wow,what does that mean?, I thought but never asked out loud. I just laughed a little. "I wasn't about to leave, I will stay."

And now we are here, him on my arm, sleeping soundly and me worrying about everything. I'm happy he choosed to tell Pharm about it and ask for his help, but I still feel jeleaous that it couldn't be me. To hell with this stupid feeling, I shouldn't care who he goes to for help, as long he will get help. I don't want to lose him, never. During this few months he grew so dear to me, I couldn't imaging another day without him. I want him to talk, walk and be beside me everyday.