I couldn't help but look up at Jackson every few seconds. His head was tilted down toward the text book, his eyes flitting back and fourth as he read over the text, and I couldn't bring myself to say anything. I guess the better way to put it is, I didn't know what to say to him.
Jackson is the one that had told me to meet him in the library after school. He'd told me that it would be better to just get the project done early so that we wouldn't have to worry about it later on. I was only able to manage to utter 1 word. "Okay."
So that's how I found myself sat across one of the library tables from Jackson. I had a stack of books about the great depression beside me and the one I currently had open in front of me had an old black and white photo of a family, but I couldn't bring myself to focus on studying the books either.
"Just say it" Jackson suddenly spoke up in a curt statement and I lifted my head, giving him a confused look.
"W-what?" I whispered, caught of guard.
"You obviously have something on your mind, because you seem to be doing anything but studying the information, and I know it's about me" he sighed "so just say, that way we can both get on with working on the project."
"I don't-"
"Just say it, Isaac!" he snapped at me and I couldn't help but flinch at the harshness of his tone. I let a small silence drop over us before I finally grew the courage to speak up.
"Why don't you hate me?" I finally asked in a sad, soft voice. Now it was Jackson's turn to give me a confused face.
"What?" he rose an eyebrow at me.
"I told you to get out of my life, I broke up with you" I rambled heatedly "why don't you hate me? You're supposed to hate me!" I threw my hands on my face, and focused on trying to calm my erratic breathing.
"Why are you so fixed on me hating you?" Jackson finally let out after a brief silence.
"Because you should!" I snapped, drawing a lot of faces to look at us from other library table and Jackson's cheeks seemed to turn red a little bit "because I'm a horrible person and you should hate me! I don't deserve you're forgiveness!" Jackson's head seemed to turn side to side before he stood up grabbing my shoulder and guiding me out to the patio of the library, away from listening ears.
I shrank in on myself as Jackson focused on shutting the door and I bit down on my lip hard, trying to fight the tears that seemed to keep falling no matter what I did. Jackson tried to put a comforting hand on my shoulder but I shrugged it away and he just let out a sad sigh.
"I don't hate you Isaac, and maybe I should, but I don't" he finally shrugged "Yes it hurt. I lost you, you completely cut me out of your life, didn't even give me an explanation. I knew you we're hurting and I wanted so badly to be there for you, but you wouldn't let me. You pushed me away."
"Because you didn't deserve to have to be there for me" I let out in a sob "You were fifteen, you didn't deserve my kind of drama in your life." He reached a hand out to me and I flinched, afraid he was going to hit me too, but instead he rested it softly on my shoulder.
"You were fifteen too Isaac, and do you think you deserved it anymore than I did?" he whispered sadly. I opened my mouth to say something, but slowly let it fall closed, and I dropped my gaze.
"You don't even know the half of it" I whispered, but it was obvious that he didn't quite catch what I said.
"What?" he asked but I shook my head.
"I'm sorry, this is the last time I'll bother you" I stated in an emotionless tone as I began to hurry away.
"Bother me? Isaac!" I heard him call after me, but I ignored it as I let the library door shut behind me, cutting off his voice... and I left....
{JACKSON'S POV} (Finally, haha)
"Bother me? Isaac!" I yelled after him, but he was gone. And as much as I wanted to run after him, I knew he needed to be alone. I let out a sad sigh as I sank down on the bench.
I'd imagined this so many times in my head. The day that Isaac and I would finally talk again after everything.... but I never imagined it'd like that. I never imagined that Isaac would believe that I could hate him.... and I noticed another thing too.
He flinched. He flinched away from my touch. And that told me more than any of his words could ever tell me. His dad was still hurting him.... and it killed me... because he did think he deserved it. I remembered the day I learned this clear as day. It was before we had started dating. We were 11.
"Isaac, your eye" I yelped, clambering off my bed to get to him, but he held up a hand before I'd could touch him. His eye was completely swollen and slowly turning black and blue.
"Don't" he whispered in an emotionless tone and I stood there, my arm half outstretched to help him.
"You're dad hurt you again Isaac" I whispered.
"And I deserved it" He stated emotionlessly "I always deserve it."
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So there it is guys. I hope you enjoyed and I'll try and post another update soon! ^_^
