Heurism | Spencer Reid¹

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR: CHARM

"There are some that only employ words for the purpose of disguising their thoughts."

     — Voltaire.

—

It's a slow morning, and that means one thing: paperwork. I'm already bored. Working a piece of gum between my teeth, I stare blankly at my computer. It only takes a second before my attention shifts again and I start adjusting the position of the miniature drawing mannequin stood by my post-it holder.

"What?" Elle sighs after an eternity of silence.

Grateful for a real distraction, I spin around in my seat to find Morgan watching her curiously. He's busy working a lump of blu-tac into a what looks like a bad attempt at a teddy bear. "We've only been here an hour. You've made two calls."

"And?"

"You hate the phone, Elle."

She scoffs, "I don't hate the phone."

"Actually," Reid chimes in, "you do."

I crane my neck to see him over her head, grinning. "Coming from the guy who won't even touch his computer unless absolutely necessary."

Frustrated by the resurrection of that debate, he insists, "I told you, I'm a—"

"Luddite. Yeah, I know. And we all know what happened to them: execution. Or worse... Australia." With that last part, I widen my eyes and give a spooky smile. "Besides, you're a sci-fi fan. Totally hypocritical."

He pouts a little but soon cheers up as a fact pops into his head. "Hey, did you know that Alexander Graham Bell and Eli Gray both simultaneously invented electronic sound transmission devices. It came down to a race betwixt the two."

Elle doesn't even look up, still focused on her work. "Yeah, and Bell beat Gray to the patent office by a matter of hours. Common knowledge."

I playfully raise a hand. "Are we just ignoring the unironic use of 'betwixt'?"

"It's a perfectly good word."

Our little debate is soon cut off by Morgan's insistent query, "Why are you acting so weird?"

Her eyes narrow. Finally turning her chair to look at him, she bites back, "We're sitting with a guy who knows that there are 800 kernels of corn on the average cob—"

"Arranged on 16 separate rows."

"—and you're calling me weird?"

Morgan just smirks, with a knowing twinkle in his eye. "You're getting some loving, aren't you? You got a boyfriend."

At last, she snaps. "You are basing this on what, exactly? The fact that I don't like the phone? That's all you've got? That's your best? You've been a profiler for how long, Derek, and that is... That's weak. That's weak."

I perk up my head and let out a little hum. "Ooh. Someone's getting defensive."

"What's weak?" JJ asks as she passes by.

"Morgan thinks Elle has a boyfriend—"

"Nothing."

Knowing her arrival means a new case, we start to get up. I triumphantly switch off my computer. Morgan is still grinning smugly. "'Nothing'. See, you just denied it."

She turns to Elle. "Do you?"

"It's more fun not to answer that question."

He snickers. "That right there's a yes, baby. I knew it. I told you."