Fifty Shades Of Red | Charles Leclerc

42. Lights Out

                             Charles' pov

1 year later: Race Day

'It's the first race on the calendar here in Bahrain and it's an exciting one with Audi joining F1 in this new season. Everyone is on the edge of their seats for the grand reveal of the two Audi drivers who will race alongside the rest 10 teams-'

I switch off the Tv, the screen finally going black after changing channels but managing to come across anything but F1 news. I managed to stay off social media and away from any news articles for some time and today I'm not planning on doing otherwise. I let out a breath, it being the only thing echoing in the room that now is plunged into silence.

It doesn't interest me, none of it does anymore. It's just a waste of my time. In fact, all of it gives me a headache. I couldn't care less about what team is joining us this year or with whom I will have to share the track with. If anything, that's more bad than good news in my opinion. It means there will be two more amateurs I'll need to make sure will stand out of my way. As long as they don't slow me down and stand in my rear mirror view...

I made that mistake once, letting other things-other people get in my way. I can't let that happen again for my own good. Not when my contract with Ferrari ends this season and the future is not promised. And if anything, it did me more wrong than good. Nothing good came out of it.

Except maybe...

I lean back on the couch, a low grunt escaping my mouth when my rib makes contact with it, reminding me of the fact I'm still not fully recovered. I haven't raced since last year. Not even stepped foot in any paddock. In fact, I never got the chance to finish all the races on the calendar. I was devastated by the fact that I couldn't finish off the season, but I guess there was nothing I could do from lying in a hospital bed. The doctors said that it'd take longer for my body to be fully healed and for me to get out there again, but they were surprised at how fast I managed to get back on my feet, to get my head back into the game.

I trained hard during my break, my brothers and team helping me out every step of the way but I still made sure I wasn't pushing myself over my limits. I'd hate to be burned out without even starting yet. It's still a long way to go until the end, until the last race. We're just getting started. At least it's safe for me to race again and that's all that matters now. Having to watch the rest of the drivers from a Tv screen rather than driving alongside them was pure torture when I knew I deserved to be out there as well, but I'm grateful that I didn't end up in pieces after the accident.

The accident.

It's not the same as it was. I'm not the same as I was before it all went down and it's not fair of them -fans, media, my family- to expect that from me either. They tried putting me back together, making me brand new just like before, but those broken pieces don't fit the same anymore. Something is missing...

I shake the thoughts out of my head, refusing to be sucked back into a black hole of pain and overthinking. I've had the time of the world and done enough of that. I just need to accept the fact that some wounds might never fully heal but it's okay to be stuck in a never ending cycle of 'what ifs' as long as I don't allow it to bring me down.

What if I told the truth from the start?

What if I never accepted the deal?

What if I never met her?

What if I never fell in love...

I get up on my feet, refusing to be affected by my never ending tormenting thoughts, I check the time on the watch on my wrist, realising I should be on my way if I don't want to be late. I grab my keys and check for my paddock pass and my phone in my pocket. I pull out the card and from grabbing it, a hair tie falls on the floor in front of my feet. I reach down, my knuckles turning white as I grip it before shoving it back into my pocket and rushing out of the door, making sure I avoid catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror beside the exit.