it takes time

PART TWO

I need to clean my dresser, but to do that I have to look at the pictures. I can't do that. I can't look at his stupid face.

He's the worst person I've ever met. He's so stupid and self centered.

"What's wrong, sweetie?" Mom asks, I didn't even realise that she walked into my room.

"I'm fine, nothing's wrong." I sit back down on my bed instead of cleaning up.

"You're crying." I touch my cheek and wipe the tears that I didn't even feel. She sits down next to me. "It takes time, honey. Let yourself feel sad."

"I'm not sad."

—

"You're so selfish! You're making this all about you!" Vylad yells.

I've never heard him yell like that.

"I'm allowed to grieve too, Vylad! I was the last person to see him alive!" I yell back.

"If it wasn't for you, he would still be alive!"

He's right.

If I never called him that night, he would still be alive.

If I never got in that car, he would still be alive.

If I never started arguing with him, he would still be alive.

If I never found out, he would still be alive.

He would still be alive.

He should still be alive.

Without another word, I grab my car keys and leave the Ro'meave household.

I get in my car and drive.

The streets are desolate, the only light illuminating them is coming from the street lamps. I drive.

No.

I speed.

I'm not going the speed limit, I'm going much faster. I don't know how much faster, the trees are blurring together with the lights. I take in a deep breath when I let go of the steering wheel.

—

"You're awake!"

I feel arms wrap around me.

"I'm sorry for yelling at you." I look over at Vylad.

"It's okay."

I take in the room, it looks like a hospital room. The walls are plain, only a picture of a flower makes it seem less dull. I don't know how I'm still alive.

"You crashed into a gate, thankfully, nothing really bad happened to you, only your car. You just have a few scratches. Why did you let go of the wheel? We saw the video on the red light camera."

'He didn't make it.'

'What?'

My body feels numb. I don't know if it's from the crash that the doctors told me happened or from the shock.

"Vylad, you're right. It's all my fault." I feel my tears fall like rain. I don't try to stop them. I'm going to let myself feel again.

He holds me.

"I should've never gotten mad at him for wanting to be with someone else. I should've stayed home. I shouldn't have gotten in the car with him. I shouldn't have argued with him."

—

It's been a week and I'm back to school. I don't walk with Dante this time.

I can feel everyone staring at me as if I'm some sort of monster from their dreams when I walk in.