The Hogwarts Mocking Jay

Chapter 1: The visit from the Librarian's Mum.

It was supposed to be a relaxed day in the library - exams were over so there were no more busy-bodies trying to cram revision in last minute. It was supposed to be him and the ceiling high shelves and stacks of books (with the occasional person needing to speak to him, it is a library after all and his is the librarian).

He was looking forward to the calm, idyllic day of only rarely having to talk to people - who don't make painful small talk, sending out passive-aggressive emails to people who are late returning books and staring out at the lake of Avalon, wistfully waiting for Arthur to come back. (He is not lovesick!)

He doesn't even know which lake he will be returning from, but Avalon is his safest bet.

Anyway! Today was supposed to be quiet, calm and not full of middle-aged white ladies whose husbands are 'on the county council' and want his library turned into an 'absolutely gorgeous spa retreat' for 'hard-working women' like themselves because having a library here was 'a waste of a good view and good land.'

Just so happens he was dealing with one now.

"Ma'am" he interrupts "You aren't the first person to say that this place should be shut down over the unclear labelling"- the labelling was perfectly clear but it wasn't his fault that they don't have enough brains to read them properly (their 'husbands' on the council could read them just fine) -"but the council has been on several different occasions and found nothing wrong."

"Well then - what's your name again?"

"Merlin."

"Well then, Merlin the council clearly is blind to your atrocious misgivings."

Everyone else in the library was hiding or had left at the beginning of this lady's tirade. Leaving him to deal with her alone. Yay!

"Ma'am, how about I give you the numbers of the other ladies who share the same opinions of my library as you and you can form a group chat on Facebook called 'White ladies who like to bully other people and forcing people to have the same boring interests as us, also we all got our jobs through nepotism.' Also, this is a library. Please keep your voice down or I will have to kick you out." Not that the people would miss her with the way she'd been acting.

"How dare you!" she responded shrilly "I am more important in this society than your bell bottom wearing, floral button up hippie ass will ever be!"

Merlin was tearing himself apart on the inside. Now he had to get her to leave. Great.

"As you have been screaming at be for the past 20 minutes,"- It had actually been 4 hours but he wasn't going to ruin some poor schmuck's day by alerting the frog in front of him of just how long she can scream at people for -"I will - fortunately - have to ask you to leave."

"What? No! I still have to get this book for my son's 4th birthday!"

Now they're back to original point of why she was screaming.

"Ms, I will say this once more before I escort you out." Merlin calmly stated. "This is a library. You take our books and then return them, otherwise you will be fined. If you want to buy a book can recommend several bookstores in town that have the same itinerary as us." They were also all owned by him but she didn't have to know that. "If you buy books there you get to keep them." He started leading the woman to the door where - once the woman was outside - he said "Also, your book that you tried to buy for your four-year-old child is very explicit. As it was in the obviously labelled explicit romance section of the library. So, good day to you, you absolute cow."