HEAD. - An Inanimate Insanity Fanfic

[ INTERMISSION ]

Before we continue, I wanted to make it clear that writing these scenes sometimes hurts. In fact, writing this book has been painful, but it's the only way I can find it in me to even begin healing. 

Yes, this entire book is mostly a projection of my own struggles. I have a Taco of my own out there that's done these things to me (granted, not telling me to murder people). Forcing me into submission, fear, sex, all that stuff. Making me think that it's okay and fine and hat 

While I am safe from that person now, I still find myself trying to bring reason to their actions, and I know that's not right to do. They have played with my head, and it has gone to such an extreme where a close friend had to step in for me after figuring out the situation on their own. I have nightmares

I wanted to get this out of the way now instead of saving it for the end of the book and explaining myself there. This is a very intense topic. And while I don't have Alzheimer's, specifically, I do struggle with memory problems, and they have used that to their advantage.

When I finally came to the realization of what was happening, I had no clue what to do. 

While this was originally supposed to be just Taco making OJ confused and an unwilling killer (in some way), it has devolved into this, and I feel that this is something I really need for myself. A way of getting MY story out. A way for me to heal from everything that happened.

Crying hasn't worked. Hiding hasn't worked. Keeping silent hasn't worked. And just plainly telling close friends isn't even enough. It doesn't hurt inside, and I'm confused, and I'm scared, and I am currently holding back tears trying to write all of this.

I never wanted to make this book into a reflection of my problems and grief. At least not at first. But I think there is a large lack of this kind of representation, at least from the books I've read. 

While I do not write this book with as much delicacy as I usually would, I do write it from experience. A lot of the stuff in this book is real and has been mixed with my fantasies and comforts. 

While I would have preferred to stay silent, I feel like this story is important to know before getting into this book, as this is something I had never in my life expected myself to write. 

Thank you for all of the support and I am very thankful for those of you who read.

-- WORMPONY