The Long Haul

Chapter 19

Jay had hoped that their visit to the precinct might bring some understanding, but it had only highlighted the growing divide between them. He knew he couldn't force Alex to change or trust him overnight, but he couldn't help but feel helpless in the face of her stubbornness.

The past two days had made him question who was the one being punished - him or her. It had felt more like torture for him than anything else. Alex's attitude hadn't changed, and he had been biting his tongue for two days straight now. All of this was new territory for him, and if he were honest, he was terrified of screwing up. Alex had very clearly been through a lot and was carrying a large burden that she wasn't ready to share; he didn't want to add to that, but the detective only had so much patience left in him.

The tension inside the truck was palpable as they made their way home yet again from the district. Alex's continued indifference was driving Jay to his breaking point tonight. Jay's grip tightened on the steering wheel as his brain raced with all the emotions and thoughts of the past few days.

Pulling into their apartment's parking lot, Jay took a deep breath, steadying himself and also knowing full well this kid would try to get a rise out of him, but he had to say it. "Look, Alex," he began, turning to face her, "I get that you're not thrilled about spending your afternoons at the precinct. But the complete lack of respect, the attitude—it's getting old."

Alex rolled her eyes. "I never asked to be dragged to your work, Jay. I didn't ask for any of this."

Jay's jaw clenched but his voice remained steady. "This isn't about wanting or not wanting. This is about you lying, about your actions having consequences. It's also about me wanting you to understand the world I'm a part of."

She scoffed, her teenage rebellion on full display. "By making me sit around bored in a stupid break room?"

"You think this is just about the precinct?" Jay's voice raised slightly, frustration evident. "It's about trust, Alex. I'm trying to rebuild it. I caught you in a lie, and you still haven't told me the full truth about some things." He paused for a moment to see if she'd fill in any blanks. As expected, she remained silent so he continued, "And instead of confining you to the apartment, I thought maybe, just maybe, showing you a bit of my world might bridge the gap between us."

Her anger bubbled up rapidly and she had no desire to extinguish it. "So this is what? A bonding experience? Because so far, all I've felt is being paraded around like some cautionary tale!"

Jay's temper flared. "You think this is easy for me? I'm trying to look out for you, to understand you, to be there for you in a way our dad never was!"

Silence hung in the air for a moment. She turned to stare out the windshield with folded arms, unable and unwilling to acknowledge anything about their father. "Fuck off," she muttered under her breath.

Jay ignored her remark and continued more calmly, "I'm the one who stepped up when he didn't. I'm trying to keep you safe and make sure you don't go down a path you'll regret."

"Sounds like the navy gave you a savior complex," she retorted harshly, knowing full well that he wasn't in that branch.

Jay was aware that she said things to try and get under his skin, but thankfully years of practice - from the army no less - helped him skip right over the bait. Jay exhaled sharply, raking a hand through his hair. "Alex, this is about trust, and right now, you're making it damn hard."

Her eyes flashed defiantly, "Maybe if you trusted me in the first place and stopped trying to control me, then none of this would have happened."

For a moment, it seemed like neither of them had anything left to say because the conversation was just going in circles at this point. Neither was in the mood to find a solution, and it would be impossible without both cooperating. So instead, they sat in the thick tension of their standoff, both raw from the exchange. But beneath that tension was a deep-rooted care and concern—two siblings trying to navigate their new reality, struggling with boundaries, responsibilities, and scars from their past.

Finally, Jay whispered, almost defeated, "I just want what's best for you, Alex. I wish you could see that."

However, Alex wasn't having it. This attempt to bond, to find some middle ground between them, the care and concern he clearly showed, she didn't want anything to do with it, and she refused to let herself pause to think why she reacted so harshly. She was fighting hard at every turn with tough waves of teenage rebellion and defiance.

Being angry kept her from having to acknowledge any other feeling in this moment. With annoyance, she threw open her door and hopped out before replying with dense sarcasm, "No need to ask Reddit because I can assure you that you are the ass." And with that she slammed the truck door and made her way toward the apartment complex entrance.

Jay's head rested on his steering wheel as his knuckles turned white from gripping it so hard. Deep down, he knew something had to change to right this ship, but where to even start? How to start without risking making everything worse? The questions continued to fly through his mind. He was starting to recognize that this wasn't something he could handle on his own. Whether it was due to pride or shame, he wasn't sure, but he wasn't ready to seek out help just yet.

He lifted his head and watched his sister disappear into the building. With a big sigh, Jay felt more powerless than ever and it seemed like there was no light at the end of this tunnel.