Sorry to cut the current story off but, I have to get this off my chest, just like with the damn boy, there was "Glasses." Now, Glasses was hot as hell, I'm not gonna lie or belittle that. I actually thought maybe we could be something, maybe in my little imaginative, nonexistent love life there could be room for us. I was wrong, oh boy, was I wrong, but I'm skipping the fun part, the part where I totally embarrass myself for the first time this school year (which was last semester), before the damn boy. So, this is kind of like a prequel to my embarrassing awkward encounters.
Glasses is also an English major, funny enough, and also has an emphasis on Creative Writing. Just great, I thought it was a sign, I thought this must be the one. Just a week into college and I already found my husband. I was wrong.
Let's start with I was very, very outgoing on my birthday. My birthday was the only day I talked to him, like really, really talked to him, like embarrassing trying too hard, talking to him. I hate to think about what I did every day since, talking to him.
So, first of all, we used to sit right by each other in class. It was open class seating so you could sit wherever you wanted, but somehow we sat by each other. I knew he was in my English online class so I asked him a question or more like questions about it. "Did you read the book for this week? Did you enjoy it? Are you liking the class?"
Crazy bitch questions, you know. He answered them and he was all nice and everything, and then I saw the tattoos on his fingers, and oh god. Oh my god. I fell, I actually fell. I fell from the fifth floor of the dorms. Free fall. I don't actually live in the dorms and I don't think there are five floors, but I never knew I liked a guy with tattoos, but I indeed do. Indeed.
There were butterflies in my stomach the whole time, I was talking to him until class started. Then after class, we have another class together, and I tell him I don't know where I'm going, which I really don't know where I'm going. So I follow him and I also talk to him. I ask him what he wants to do with his major.
"I want to go into screenwriting," I think is what he says, I can't really remember now. Which I also wanted to do, I tell him that I really want to write children's literature. Which is something I am not too fond of doing now, so people change I guess.
We continue walking for what feels like forever, but was only ten minutes. This is where it gets embarrassing, but not quite yet deathly embarrassing.
I usually sit with the dance team girls that are in that class and he sits by himself. But I ask him if I can sit by him. Why do I ask this!? What's going through my head right now? So I sit by him and for some reason, he knows these two girls in front of him and I just wave, and we don't speak a word, oh my fuck. I was really fucking outgoing and star-struck for this one, my birthday must have gotten to my head.
So, class starts and ends fine and dandy, whatever. But as we get up to leave I'm on the corner seat in this lecture hall and Glasses is right next to me, but can't get out because of these stupid ass chairs. So I try to get up and move my chair, but my ass hits him. It actually hits him. My bony fucking ass hits his leg and he's up and at it. Squeezing through my chair, one of those that's connected to the table, and out the door. I didn't get to say a word to him. He just left and I never talked to him again.
I actually told my mom all about him in the car when she picked me up. Most embarrassing day and moment of my life, until the damn boy of course.
In the following weeks, Glasses and I didn't talk. He sat at the front of the classroom and I sat by some of the friends I somehow made.
More specifically in this class we give highs in lows at the beginning of class during attendance. It was Glasses turn when he spills it.
He. Has. A. Girlfriend.
WHAT!
As Glasses continued with his weekly update, casually dropping the bombshell about his girlfriend, I felt like the ground had disappeared beneath me. My heart sank, and a wave of embarrassment washed over me. All those silly daydreams I had about us evaporated into thin air, replaced by the stark reality of his relationship status. It was like a slap in the face, a reminder of my own naivety. With a hollow laugh and a forced smile, I resigned myself to the fact that once again, my hopes had been dashed against the rocky shores of reality.
A girl dies at the age of 19 from embarrassment. RIP, September 2023.
***
DISCLAIMER (AGAIN): I should probably be going in order with the boys I have embarrassed myself in front of, but I don't care and don't care to rewrite anything. You can be the detective or whatever and put the timeline in order if you would like. I'm just stating the facts. My goal is to try to find my book-loving boyfriend, but that hasn't happened yet.
You should look forward to the Oriol's fan, Shawty, and Hottie coming to you soon.
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Socially Awkward: A Comedy of Errors
HumorDISCLAIMER: Now, these accounts are entirely fictional. They're not real. Don't come looking for me. Don't try to track me down. I know they might sound specific, even as if they're from my own life, but for legal reasons, they're not. They're all p...
