Crazy But True (M*A*S*H 4077th)

Chapter 17

Chapter 17

Uijeongbu Korea; January 15th, 1952

“Alright! Let the monthly medical staff meeting come to order!” said Colonel Potter. “Any old business?”

“Yeah can I go home?” Pierce asked.

“Get behind Klinger.” The Colonel answered.

“I dunno, I feel like Klinger’s enthusiasm for going home has somewhat waned as of late….can’t imagine why.” said B.J.

“Shut up Hunnicutt,” said Ellie Marie.

“Alright, enough. New business? Any gripes now’s the time to squawk. Thank you Major, I have your list.” He directed the last statement to Margaret as she raised her hand. 

“Once again I must protest the almost criminal lack of privacy in this camp!” said Charles, “Can’t we have separate latrines for everyone over the rank of Captain?”

“Yeah and you and Margaret can build it.” Hawkeye retorted.

“My turn. Triage.” said the Colonel, “There’s too much discussion out there. Make up your minds, then act on it.”

“I do my part, but nobody listens to me.” Charles grumbled.

“You for instance.” The Colonel said, turning to him, “Don’t take case histories, just diagnose your man and move on. Major Houlihan and Captain Lennox!”

“What did we do?” Margaret said defensively.

“Yeah anyway!” Ellie Marie agreed.

“Ladies, put away your paranoia. The Colonel is obviously picking on everyone today.” Charles said. 

“Tell your nurses not to be shy about carrying a litter or two. Some of them are stronger than I am.” The Colonel said.

“Can I have their names?” Hawkeye asked, and Ellie Marie kicked him under the table.

“Mail call sir!” Radar said walking through the mess tent doors, “Should I leave it in my office or can I disturb you now?”

“Later Radar. We’re busy.”

“Yes sir. I’ll leave this picture postcard of your grandson on your desk for you.”

“Mail call folks!” 

“I move the meeting is adjourned.” Charles said.

“Second.” said Ellie Marie.

“Third.” said Margaret.

“The motion carries! See you next year in Atlantic City!” said B.J. as they all took their mail from Radar.

“Wow! Look at that little Corey! What a moose!” Colonel Potter said, admiring the picture of his grandson.

“Yeah, he weighs 56 pounds. He’s walkin’ around like crazy, and he likes to catch bugs and eat um!” Radar said chuckling until he saw the look on the Colonel face, “That’s all I read sir.” He mumbled, “……and your daughter sends her love.”

“Oh wow! My little brother took second in the statewide divisional wrestling tournament!” Ellie Marie said, “Figures he’d finally do it the year I’m not there.”

“You know I never really got the appeal of wrestling.” Hawkeye said, “It always just seemed like two guys trying to see who could twist the other into the biggest pretzel.”