Crazy But True (M*A*S*H 4077th)

Chapter 37

Chapter 37

Uijeongbu Korea; September 18th, 1952

“You ready to start experimenting with paint colors?” Ellie Marie said, walking into the main office. She stopped short as she saw Klinger sitting at his desk surrounded by paperwork.

“Bad news baby…..I’m gonna have to give you a rain check on the interior decorating.” He said heavily. “Apparently I-corps switched the format they’ve been using for their daily reports….60 days ago.”

“And they just told you about it now?” She said incredulously.

“They didn’t tell me about it at all!” He said in frustration, “They called and complained to Colonel Potter that I’ve been doing it wrong, so now I gotta go back and fix 60 days worth of reports, in three days! You ever notice how every person in this place complains constantly about how inefficient and backwards the Army is, but when something happens with me it’s always cuz I’m a putz!”

“Yeah, but you’re my putz.” Ellie Marie teased, leaning down to kiss him.

“You go ahead and see what paint colors you can make. You can show me what you come up with later.” He said.

“Are you sure?” She said, “I wanted this to be something we did together.”

“It still will be, we’ll pick out the colors we’re gonna use together, but I don’t want you to lose a whole afternoon just because I got unexpectedly busy.”

“I can’t believe the Colonel is making you fix all of this in three days. I swear sometimes he is so single minded. He only thinks about what needs to happen, not about how much stress that puts on you! I’m going to talk with him.”

She moved towards the Colonel’s office, but Klinger spun quickly in his chair grabbing her arm. 

“Hang on G.” He said, “Firstly, he’s not in there and secondly you can’t talk to him.”

“I can’t? Why the hell not? Nobody around here ever takes your stress level into consideration when they demand all this stuff.”

“It's not my stress level I’m worried about right now. Captain Pierce gave the Colonel his physical yesterday and his BP was 165 over 93.”

“That’s definitely high. But for a man his age that’s not completely uncommon. With medication and some lifestyle changes he should be fine.” Ellie Marie said.

“Problem is….he can’t get that second number under a 90, one of those lifestyle changes the Army is gonna insist on is transfer out of an active combat zone.” 

“Oh…..” 

“Yeah….so Pierce has asked us all to help keep his stress as low as possible. Hence, why it’s not the time for my girl to start lobbying for my fair and equal treatment. As amazing as she is for wanting to.” 

“Fine….” She sighed, “but once the Colonel's blood pressure is under control he and I are having a talk.” She kissed the top of his head.

“Morning Klinger.” Colonel Potter said, coming through the door, “Oh, I guess that should be morning soon to be Klingers.” He amended, noticing Ellie Marie, “how’s it coming son?”

“It’s wonderful sir!” Klinger said brightly, “Nothing like starting my morning with a deep sea of paperwork.” The Colonel sighed heavily.

“So Pierce told you too huh?” He said.

“I got no idea what you’re talking about.” Klinger said vaguely. 

“I didn’t want anybody to know….but in your case Klinger I think I’m better off making an exception. Permission to treat the old man with kid gloves.” Colonel Potter said. “You on the other hand….” He turned to Ellie Marie, who raised her hands quickly in surrender.