The Bars Between Us

Part 2

It took a long while for sleep to find her. A hundred thoughts chased themselves in circles in her head, yapping and snapping for attention as she stared across the room, her back propped against thin pillows, listening to the faint whisper of wind beyond the window, a faint rustling as it chased a few fallen leaves in circles around the bare courtyard.

At the front of her mind was Sebastian, curled beside her and sound asleep, his brittle limbs wound around her, stripped of almost all muscle and fat. How thin he was. How pale. How empty he seemed. She ran a hand over his hair, the motion calming her fluttering heart.

Immediately following him was Ominis, the man she loved and had committed herself to, heart and body and soul. His gentle smile, his elegant hands, his noble bearing and pure spirit. How she adored him for everything he was, how he seemed to instinctively know her innermost thoughts and desires, ready to comfort or advise before she could even tell him what was on her mind, how he was perfect in every conceivable way.

Next in the baying pack of her thoughts was simple, burning guilt. It was the kind of guilt that made her heart fold in on itself, as if it was shrinking, her anxiety spiking. Guilt for Sebastian's condition, guilt for not working harder, for not getting him out of that vile place sooner. Guilt for abandoning him. It didn't matter that she and Ominis had devoted every spare second to freeing him, it hadn't been enough. They'd fallen in love, and had sometimes spent languid days in each other's arms, instead of working on Sebastian's case.

Dracaena winced. That was another level of guilt to add to the tottering tower. How much more could she stack before it teetered and fell?

She had been intimate with Sebastian while she was engaged to Ominis.

Yes, she could tell herself he needed it to feel human. He'd said so. It had made him happy, and she had vowed to make him happy. And yes, she could remind herself that Ominis not only expected her to do so, but had encouraged it. She bit her lip. Why had Ominis encouraged it? He was as devoted to her as she was to him, perhaps even more so. He knew she had once held Sebastian in her heart as she now did him, but was it wrong for her to expect at least a little jealousy? Every other man she'd ever known would have been incensed at the idea.

Not her Ominis. Not her future husband. Her happiness was at the front of his mind, always, as his was with her.

She traced the shape of her ring, unable to see it properly in the darkness, but she knew every detail of it by heart. She'd spent long hours gazing at it, dreaming of her wedding day, showing it off to her friends and colleagues, elated beyond measure, wanting nothing more than to spend the rest of her life with him, and only him.

Now there was doubt.

She loved Ominis, perhaps more than she had ever loved another person. He was the sun in her sky, the stars of her night, the river that flowed through her very being and gave her life.

She also loved Sebastian. She had loved him all this time, no matter how she had tried to hide it, to forget how his easy laughter and free spirit made her heart soar. To ignore it now would be akin to ignoring the building burning down around her.

Her brows drew together as Sebastian mumbled in his sleep. How could she love both of them so deeply and completely, her feelings for one undiminished as the other bloomed? Surely such a thing wasn't possible? What would it mean for her impending marriage if she loved another man as much as she loved her fiancé? Ominis might have agreed to her providing Sebastian with the comfort he needed, both physical and emotional, but did that stretch to love? How long could he endure it?

Such were her thoughts as the night slid by, the sky beginning to lighten behind the heavy curtains, the thin line of grey on the ceiling soon becoming peach, then yellow as the sun climbed into the sky. Dracaena found herself dozing fitfully, waking at the slightest sound, the tiniest movement of the man beside her, his head in her lap, his arms locked around her waist, his thigh draped over her shins. On more than one occasion he stirred more vigorously, whimpering and groaning as some nightmare or another played out behind his lids, but all she had to do was pull him close to her, whispering soft, comforting sounds in his ear, stroking his hair and his back until he settled.