Tutor/Minlix

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tw: brief mentions of self harm

Minho realized something was different about him since he was a kid. The teacher would call him out for dazing off more often than anyone else, unlike most people around his age when he was 14 dreaded going to sleep but it was his favorite thing to do, most people continued making friends after middle school but he just couldn't. There were many more things that he noticed, these were just a few.

His brain seemed to be functioning on overload all the time and sleeping was the only time in which he could have some piece.

He wasn't thinking about how certain people looked at him, talked about him, how much he would punish himself in his mind for breathing incorrectly around someone.

Perhaps this was the age in which he started seeing all of his imperfections as well. It seemed as though everyone had a glow up during the summer before high school started but Minho felt like he looked the same.

Maybe that was part of the reason why he was so unmotivated to make friends or do anything in that matter, including pay attention to class.

He really didn't know what caused it. When he tried to talk to his mom about it she simply explained that everyone feels depressed sometimes, however, that doesn't make you a depressed person.

And maybe that was true for some people, Minho believed it for a while after all, except that feeling stopping seeming temporary after a few months that turned into years.

He was unmotivated to do anything, only saw what he considered to be the bad aspects about himself yet couldn't bring himself to try and do anything about it.

The only thing he had the energy to care about was his cats, and even then he found that exhausting sometimes.

He stayed in school to make his mom happy but that was pretty much all he did.

Feeling this was for an extended period of time makes someone think of harmful ways to try and forget about things they hate...or rather punishing themselves for being the way that they are to begin with.

Minho hated himself to put it simply, and although he was already in enough pain for a person to endeavor, he felt the need to add on to it.

It may have sounded cliche but something changed when he met Felix. Something about the situation gave him confidence. He had noticed Felix before, who hadn't?

He felt lucky to even be in a position where he could hang out with someone like Felix, he felt like he might as well give it his best shot. It was only going to be a temporary situation anyways and there was really no way to get out of it.

However that didn't stop him from longing for more, wanting more than a tutor relationship, wanting to know more about Felix, more about his friends.

But that all seemed too good to be true. He knew Felix could never like him back, especially not if he knew about the scars on his thighs, Felix would think that he was insane.

However, those thoughts stayed in the back of his head up until it all started seeming too good to be true.

Taking Felix on a date, being invited to hang out with Felix and his friends, being able to comfortably joke and nearly cuddle with the younger seemed like it would be his peak moments of happiness.

He wanted them to be, then he would have been able to enjoy them more. But they weren't, that's when the voices in his head got louder and he realized just how to-good-to-be-true the entire situation was.

It made him snap into realization, it made him drag the silver blade over his thing for the first time pretty much since he had met Felix.

It made him loose the motivation to keep trying to make something between them happen.

He would still try in English of course but only because he didn't want Felix to get kicked out of dance before him.

He had daydreamed about kissing Felix and he always imagined it being the happiest moment of his life but when it had actually happened he just felt like it was his brain playing a sick joke on him. He told himself it was too good to be true and decided to just ignore it all together.

Only he didn't realize how much it would also hurt Felix.