A Very Dursley Lockdown

Chapter 2: To rinse or not to rinse

23 June 2020. 5:45 a.m.

Dudley had finished his toast and eyed his crumb-covered plate with some uncertainty.

On the one hand, his wife very much hated it when he put crumb-covered plates in the sink.

On the other hand, it was his birthday.

Dudley pursed his lips.

What to do, what to do?

How hard was it to rinse the plate himself and put it in the dishwasher? It was not hard. Not exactly. But that wasn't the point, was it?

Rinsing dishes and putting them away didn't seem very birthday-ish, was all.

Then again, arguing over dishes was hardly a fun way to start the morning.

How could one balance the tension between the pleasures due such an important day and the responsibilities of marriage?

Dudley regretted not signing up for "Introduction to Ethical Philosophy" when he'd had the chance. Surely they would have covered this sort of dilemma quite extensively.

Dudley decided to leave the plate on the table and go to the toilet. If anyone complained, he could just say he'd been considering having a second piece of toast and had gotten sidetracked by a call of nature.

Sometimes, procrastination was really the best choice.

Philosophically speaking.

_______________________

23 June 2020. 6:05 a.m.

Dudley was on the toilet, taking rather more time than was strictly needed for nature's call. He was flicking through the early morning "Happy Birthday!" messages on his phone.

Eventually, he got a bit tired of that and wanted to stretch his legs.

He reached for the toilet paper, enjoying how the quilted 3-ply ripped cleanly away from the roll.

______________________

27 July 1997.

The car ride had taken a bit longer than Petunia Dursley had planned for, and by the time they pulled into a hidden lane, she was greatly regretting not having taken one last visit to the bathroom.

Vernon and Dudley both recognized the signs of her unease – the way she drummed her fingers on her leg, her flaring nostrils, the tight set of her shoulders. These were all signals that meant: get out of the way of the loo as soon as we get out of this car.

Unfortunately for Petunia, Dedalus was now directing Vernon to park under a shady elm, which was surrounded by several other shady elms, and several gorse bushes. There was no house in sight. They'd all got out of the car. "We'll Side-along Apparate from here," Dedalus said. "You can each take 2 bags, and Hestia and I can each take one of you to the house."

"Wait just a second," Vernon said. "You mean, we'll need to leave one of us here? And abandon the car?"

"That's right," said Hestia. "But Apparation and dropping off the first two will only take a few seconds, and then Dedalus will help them move in the luggage while I come back for the third."

"I'll go with the first group!" said Petunia.

"I'm not leaving the car behind," Vernon said firmly.

"Fine, then, come on Dudley," Petunia snapped.

"Hold on, Dudley," said Vernon, firmly. "The point is, I am not interested in this apparition-whatsit. I am not abandoning the car for who knows who to steal it."