𝐌𝐈 𝐀𝐌𝐎𝐑 𝐌𝐈 𝐂𝐀𝐒𝐀 | 𝙏𝙃𝙑

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟐𝟒 ◎ 𝐇𝐮𝐠 𝐌𝐞.•°

'Edited'
(Target 18 votes)

May be home is nothing but two arms holding you tight when you're at your worst.

Her pov

I tried hard to divert my mind but it came back to the argument we had a few hours ago. I don't know how many hours I spent sitting on the bed, overthinking about it. No matter, how much I tried to change the topic, but this little shit doesn't stop and now, it's Messing with me really bad. What can I do to stop it from overthinking? God, I am going to die like this.

Lifting my body from the bed, I walked to the balcony and just noticed that it's was raining heavily. I stood there, counting every drop of water my eyes can catch. A thunderstorm reverberated through the overcast, gloomy sky. I felt at peace.

I never in my life feared this thunder or storms, may be because when I was a 10 years old, I used to sit on the terrace of our apartment, trying hard to not listen to those arguments of my parents. Taking in the breathtaking works of nature brings me immense tranquility.

I was still wearing his t-shirt and to be honest, I don't mind fracturing or getting a bullet inside my body, if I get to wear his clothes. It smelled like him, calming me down and numbing all of my past pains.

I don't know if I did right by not telling him about the one, who assaulted me. Was "assualt" even a suitable word to use? That was something more than that.

However, I no longer want chaos in my life. I wanted to savour every moment of my newfound tranquility since I had never felt it before. He is that someone I always wished for. I wanted someone to give me peace, happiness and comfort and here he is providing me everything I wished for. Then, how can I destroy his peace and happiness or snatch his comfort away?

He is completely right. He is my husband and deserve to know everything about me, Including my past. Because one day, he will get to know about it from any other person instead of me and it will hurt him more than anything. I have seen the trust he have in me, how can I break it?

I trust him, I trust him more than I ever did someone. I don't fear sharing anything with him but I'm afraid of the consequences. What will he do if he get to know about the truth? Will he loathe me? or perhaps something worse.

I wouldn't survive, knowing he hates me. But was it my fault? I was a victim myself not a culprit, then why did no one supported me?

Apparently, my culprit was more important to them than me and I hate them for that. It was never easy for me to share this parts of my life, which made me vulnerable. I tried everything to forget about it but even trying was a waste of time.

Those memories from the last 3 years or 12 years never left me, haunting my life's every day and night. They will not leave me until after I am in my grave.

I so desperately wanted to confide to him, to share the pain and burden that weighed on me for so long. But fear held me back, fear of judgement, fear of hate and fear of pain. And most importantly fear of losing him.

I have a lot to say, lots of apologies to begin with, lots of complaints to do, and a bundle of questions to ask, but no one was ready to hear or answer them. Will he listen to me? Understand me?

It wasn't my fault but I endured Everything with a silent mouth, when my heart was screaming. At first,  I wanted someone with me but that was something I wanted, not needed. I needed to be strong, strong enought to deal with all the bullshits of my life but was I really this strong? When I cried myself to sleep, having panic attacks, dealing with every single Shit until now.