A M I S T Y M E M O M R Y (Illumi x FEM Reader) BOOK ONE

Chapter 32

༉‧₊˚.*+:｡.｡BOYYY ITS BEEN SO LONG!!! Im finally finished my exams and now its time for more Illu and bad bitch Y/n drama༉‧₊˚.*+:｡.｡
Y/n's POV

We put on our clothes, and Illumi went back to the front seat of the car, I wanted to remain in the backseat, my excuse was that 'He went too rough on my, that me legs hurt..So I need room to relax'. Merely, I just didn't want to drown in the akwardness that would slowly consume both him and I.
Or, well...Maybe just me.
But Illumi had insisted on me sitting in my 'rightful' seat.

And as Illumi began to drive home, I also began to think.

The more I thought about us having sex, the more I felt myself grow disgusted. I don't remember anything. Sure, Illumi is attractive as hell. But it the assassin's code that you can only have sexual moments (by sexual, I really mean any sort of affectionate contact..E.G: kissing, holding hands, ect) with a 'chosen partner', which essentially means that both parents agreed that they fit eachother, and that they wouldn't mind merging families. In our case, we broke that code. Because we weren't even in love.
b̶̶u̶̶t̶ ̶I̶ ̶o̶̶n̶̶c̶̶e̶ ̶d̶̶i̶̶d̶.
And from what Illumi mentioned, this was his first time.

Even though Illumi's cheeks that once resembled those of an akward teen, now look sharp, and his skin once full of acne, pale and soft..I can't help but feel upset. He doesn't love me. He never did. I was always stuck in the friendzone. And I ran to Daniel, who later made love to me..
Now, Illumi is handsome. When he'd walk in public, i'd see women stare at him...
He was deemed a 'handsome' boy when we were in highschool. But no one liked him, loved him, or even wanted to be friends with him.
But I loved him when no one else did, when he was no one.
But now that he is someone, i'm afraid I've become the no one. Except, in my case, I have no one there to love me.
What happened?
To the Illumi that I know?

I looked over from the seat next to him, gazing at the man as he focused on the road. He was unrecognizably gorgeous. Stunning. Handsome.
Beautiful.
And this man I loved when he wasn't any of those things.
And he never loved me back.
And I'm not going to say 'Oh! Well I never told him I had a crush on him! Maybe he reciprocated and I never knew!'.
Would Illumi Zoldyck, a monster, care?
He is a monster...
But I loved that monster.
And I'm afraid that 'loved' is turning into 'love'.

"Is there a reason you've had your gaze attached to me like some demented swine for the past minute?"
Fuck.
"What? Oh, no...I just zoned out for a second..." My tone sounded tired, but not physically...More mentally.
"Hmm...In that case, zone out while looking at the road instead. I'm sure there are much more interesting things in the universe, then on me." He replied with a monotone voice. He had a voice smooth, he never stumbled or stuttered on words. Never not knew what to say, and God, he always sounded so perfect. But, hey...My stumbled words do something called: Build lore and character developement...I'll take that rather than nothing. "We're on a highway, Illumi. I don't think cars are very interesting."
"Aha, so you were staring at me because you felt like it...Not because you were zoned out." ...Where the fuck did he get that from?!
"W-what! No! Illumi, I wasn't blinking for atleast a minute. I was definitely zoned out." I replied. Illumi huffed, before he honked at someone, resulting in me basically jumping out of my skin. Though, as always, Illumi looked unfazed. "I don't need to blink for five hours at a time. You're not special."
...
Someone shoot this man.

"...Y'know what? I'm not going to waste my time arguing with a man that is convinced the world revolves around him." I sneered in reply before crossing my arms, and averting my gaze to the windshield.
"The world may not revolve around me, but your pretty little head does."
I paused.
What did he just say?
"What?"
"What?"
"What did you just say?"
Illumi raised an eyebrow before we stopped at a redlight. "I...Didn't say anything?" He added with a slightly confused gaze. Either I was going insane, Illumi is gaslighting me (which I wouldn't be surprised if he was), or both.
"No, you definitely said something..."
"...No...I didn't..."
This is going to be a long, long drive.

I decided to drop the conversation, and decided to come to the conclusion that I was just going insane. Because why would Illumi say something like that? It makes no sense..
Whatever..

Illumi's POV:

Oh, I definitely said something.
And I could feel my eyes constantly trailing back to her as she had her arms crossed, and gazed out the window. I remember quite a lot from last night, and boy, I want to fuck her into shape. Torture her until she quits acting like a sassy little thing.

I paused.

Yeah...These things weren't allowed. And I hope Y/n doesn't go snitch. But, as long as I don't do anything, my thoughts can completely stay hidden. It's not that hard to keep a straight face. I've almost never had these thoughts before...Except for that one time back when I was fifteen, and masturbated to the thought of fucking a girl with e/c eyes, gorgeous h/c hair, l/c lips, and s/c ski-
Hm.
Now that I think about it, this sounds an awful lot like pretty little Ms. Princess sitting right next to me in the front seat. Or, to be more specific...Ms. Y/n L/n.
Huh.
Well, what do you know.
What a small world it truly is.