Masked Twilight

Troubles

Midna's POV

We travel all weekend, and the towns bleed together, but I can tell we are nearing Ordon by the way Link watches the cornfields with worry in his eyes, like some scarecrow will run out of the stalks holding up a bloody chainsaw. His fingers clench and unclench, and he's stopped singing along with the radio.

Time nudges Link with his nose and begs for pets only to take Link's mind away from the coming confrontation. Link will scratch behind his ear a few times, look out the window, and stop until Time licks his fingers.

I know Link is afraid to see this town again. He doesn't want to be reminded of his past and the pain he has lived with his whole life. But what he is afraid of are memories and what he believes is true.

I met his foster father when we were in the hospital, what feels like ages ago. Though I snapped at him and blamed him for hurting Link then, now I see he was truly worried. He looked exhausted and lost as to what to do, but was willing to do anything to keep his son.

Link will be in good hands. I hope to make him see that here, he is loved and he has people who care for him. And even if he doesn't see it, if he refuses to let the truth past his thick head, I am still leaving him.

My plan has not wavered since Death Mountain. As soon as I get my hands on that last Crystal piece - or, even better, when we find this Shad person - I am leaving Link. He needs to stay here, in Ordon. He has his own battle to fight, and it is against himself. He will be angry with me for leaving him, angry that he has to face Rusl, angry that he has to admit the mistake he has made.

But I am leaving him. I have to. If not for his benefit, then for mine.

I can't be worried about another person to protect when I face Zant. Despite his courage and strength, Link will only be in the way. I can't risk him getting hurt when he has no obligation to help me free my kingdom.

I see the irony in my situation.

Almost two weeks ago, I could care less what happened to the people of Hyrule. I couldn't stand Link, and I used him for transportation and money. I called him an idiot for throwing himself at the monkeys.

Even then, he protected me, when he couldn't stand me, either. Even then, he thought of others before himself.

Now, I return the favor. He will be angry, but he will be safe. I can live with his hate, but I couldn't live with myself if I were the reason he got hurt - or worse.

Leaving him is inevitable. I know what I need to do. So why does my stomach twist when I think about it?

I haven't felt this way about him before. I couldn't wait to get away from him, to carry on with my duties alone. Why, now, does my stomach drop when I think of dropping him off in Ordon and never seeing him again? Why do I frown when I think of driving away?

Everything will be as it should be: he will be with his family, and I will free my kingdom. So why does my mind want to reject this future? This is what I have been fighting for. My people freed, my throne restored, Zant overthrown. Link will be with the people he loves. He will stay in Hyrule, happy and safe.

He will stay in Hyrule. I will stay in Twilight. We will never have to see each other again.

We will never see each other again.

This is what I've been dreading, I realize. This is what my stomach churns at. This is what I am reluctant to do, even when I know it is the only option. I need to keep him safe. I can't have him in my way. I can't let him in deeper.

Slowly, he has been inching his way through every crack I present in my armor. Every little comment, everything I have told him about myself has allowed him to get closer, close enough that I care for his safety. Close enough to crack my shell, but not quite so close where I am in his hands and he can shatter me at any moment. I have learned my lesson once, and it is about to happen again. I must go before I am shattered again. I can deal with a little dent, but I am afraid I will not be able to put myself back together if I allow him any farther.

So it must end. I must leave. To keep him safe, and myself.

It will hurt. Already, I plan what I will say to him when I tell him. He will be angry, but that will make it easier. It will be easier to leave if he hates me. It will be easier to forget him if he screams and yells and curses me out. He will be another could-have, another memory, another what-if.

What if? What if I let him come with me?

No. Too many things could go wrong and too many things could be shattered, including my heart. I can't afford that.

These thoughts gnaw away at my brain for the next few hours. The cornfields turn to pumpkin fields. Goats with rounded horns roam the plains. We are the only ones on this lonely road as the blue sky darkens to black. The stars form familiar shapes in the sky, and I recognize some from Link's stories.

“It's late,” he duly notes. “We should find a hotel to stay at.”

“We're not in Ordon yet?” I ask.

“We are. The town is a little farther away.”

“If we're in Ordon, why don't we find Rusl's -”

“No,” he cuts me off, as expected. “No. He lives on the other side of the town anyway. Let's just find a hotel.”

I sigh, but don't argue. He will see Rusl again whether he wants to or not tomorrow.