Beneath Your Beautiful (A Chenford | The Rookie Fanfic)

Part One Hundred: Ugly Dumplings

Week 7, Day 1: Sunday

They film a pair of confessionals that are only slightly less painful than their earlier exchange. Lucy joins Tim in their kitchen after, feeling the need to escape after the drama and emotional exhaustion of their morning.

She knows they aren't done with their conversation, and she has every intention of finishing it. She owes Tim that. She just needs some space to clear her head and really process what she's feeling.

And a text from her boss is as good an excuse as any.

"Are you okay if I go into work for a few hours? My editor found a source for my story, and I feel like I need to do more research before I talk to them tomorrow."

He offers her a tired smile, "Working on your birthday?"

"I know, I know... I just — I think it'll be good for me to get out of my head for a little bit, too."

"You and me both," he teases gently, before catching her hand in his and bringing it up to his lips for a quick kiss. She feels herself melt a little at the sweet gesture.

"Do what you need to do, Lucy. I'll be here."

She gathers her things, feeling frazzled as she navigates around production and the crew as they begin to pack up for the day, pausing to kiss Tim on the cheek before she heads out the door. He says something about dinner as a light stand loudly clatters to the floor, but she's too distracted to fully register his words, simply nodding and giving his hand a final reassuring squeeze before leaving the apartment.

***

She stays at the office too long. She knows that.

And then she spends too much time strolling around Hancock Park. She knows that.

And she squanders the evening driving aimlessly in her car until well past sunset. She knows that.

But it's peaceful and quiet and exactly what she needs to clear her head.

And for awhile she does exactly that — she doesn't think about Tim, or their reality TV marriage, or the fact that he'd said he'd loved her.

But then she spots someone in a Rams T-shirt in the park (what are the chances?!), and she immediately starts to miss him. And she can't not think about him, and their reality TV marriage, and the fact that he'd said he'd loved her.

And as much as she wants to go home to him, something is still holding her back because she's still confused and overwhelmed and quite frankly very uncomfortable with not having full control over her emotions.

She'd always thought of herself as calm and level-headed in her prior relationships. In touch with her feelings, but in an emotionally mature way.

But now she's wondering if that's because she's never really let herself feel emotions like this. Has never really let herself fall this hard.

But like Tim had said on the beach, it doesn't feel like she has much of a choice when it comes to him. There's no safe, easy middle ground for her to exist in — in fact, it feels an awful lot like the ground is falling out from under her feet altogether.

So yeah, it takes her way too long to go home. She knows that.

She's still surprised to find the apartment mostly quiet and mostly dark when she finally does get home, Kojo sleepily lumbering from the bedroom to greet her, but no Tim.

It's not unheard of for him to be in bed at this hour, but she's still disappointed that she's missed the chance to spend any time with him tonight. Even if it was her own doing. Add it to the list.

She toes off her shoes before depositing her purse and laptop bag on the couch, pausing when she notices the table setting for two on their small dining table. Nothing as over the top as the beach picnic — just two simple place settings, a beautiful vase full of flowers, a bottle of wine, and a few candles. A gift bag is sitting on one of the chairs.

And it's then that she remembers that Tim had said something about dinner as she was leaving. Oh no.

And, yeah, she probably should have anticipated he'd want to have a nice dinner together for her birthday, but in all honesty, she hadn't expected anything else from him after the amazing picnic and the party last night and their little 'celebration' this morning. Especially not after the havoc she'd wreaked on their afternoon.

She crosses the room to pick the gift bag up off of the chair, heart aching even as she can't stop herself from smiling as she pulls out a medium-sized stuffed turtle. She sets the bag on the table and pulls the plush toy into her chest, pressing her eyes closed as she squeezes the absolute crap out of it, wishing she could turn back time and not have ruined this night.

There's one more item in the bag — a jewelry box — and when she flips open the rectangular container, her eyes begin to burn.

It's a gold necklace. At first she thinks it's a star, which would be perfect enough, but upon closer inspection, she realizes it's a specific star — the North star, a compass.

She lifts a hand to her mouth, overwhelmed by the thought Tim put into choosing these gifts for her.

She feels like breaking down in tears because how could she not have bothered to make it home for this? She takes a deep breath, fighting to reign in her emotion.

But when she pulls open the refrigerator to pour herself a glass of water from the Brita and spots one of her serving dishes covered with foil, she knows even before she pulls the cover back that it's going to break her heart.

He made dumplings.

Dumplings.

Dumplings like the ones that had been ruined when Kojo had masterminded an escape from his bath on the day of their housewarming.

It is the saddest, ugliest plate of dumplings she's ever seen.

And also so fucking beautiful.

She can't imagine how long it must have taken him to learn how to make them. He must have spent the entire day putting this all together.

And then she really starts crying, her vision blurry as she finds her way to their bedroom.

She climbs into bed behind him, attempting to hook her arms under his to wrap around his chest, even as he is already shifting toward her.

"Lucy?" he asks groggily. "Are you okay?"

"No," she manages to get out, face pressed into his back as she shakes her head.

And then he is pulling out of her hold altogether, pushing himself up into a seated position as he reaches over to switch on the light on the bedside table.

"What happened? Tell me what's wrong." And god he looks so damn worried, his eyes running over every inch of her as if searching for some physical source to her distress.

And now she just feels like an even bigger jerk for waking him up like this.

She pushes herself up enough so that she can get her arms around him, and bury her face into the crook of his neck, her shoulders shaking as she begins to sob uncontrollably.

And she can feel the tension in his hold, knows that she is scaring the crap out of him, but she can't stop herself from just letting it all out.

And he is so patient with her, running his hand soothingly down her back and waiting until she has mostly calmed before finally prodding, "Lucy — hey, come on, I need you to talk to me. What's going on?"

She glares at him through her tears when she finally pulls back enough to see his face. "I can't believe you made me dumplings..."