Spice and Solace

Chapter 25 - Friend

***SHRUTI POV***

Life has become a dull shade of grey. The same old cycle of waking up, studying, going to school and making sure I don’t miss a single mark so I don’t face Amma’s wrath, coming home, studying nonstop until 2:00 AM with Amma occasionally screaming at me in the background, and finally sleeping for a measly three hours. Four if I’m lucky.

I’m tired. Bone-weary tired.

My dark circles have become so thick they’ve started to look like bruises. The world feels so heavy, so I’ve started talking a little less. Ms. Cromwell, my favorite math teacher, even asked me if everything’s alright.  I told her I’m fine, just exams stress.    

I’m not really close with any of my other teachers. I always get the best scores in the class, so it’s an “of course, she’ll score well” thing. But when other kids–non Asian kids–score well, they get showered with praise.

Praise. I wonder what that’s like.

I realize life’s not fair. I’m struggling now, but the vision of my chai cafe keeps me going. I’ll work hard to make sure the light at the end of the tunnel doesn’t go away. I don’t need anyone. I just need me.

But… I hate to admit… I’m bone-weary tired. I’m hurt. I’m not just hurt. I’m almost shattered.

                                  ***
Physics was done, so it was time for lunch.

"Shroo-tee, you okay?” Mr. Grammer asked me as I looked up. “You haven’t really been your perky little self lately.”

I put on a fake smile. “I’m fine, Mr. Grammer. Just exams stress. But thank you so much for checking in.”

Mr. Grammer gave me a sad smile. “Take care, kiddo, okay?”

I nodded, as I packed my things and left for lunch. I felt an empty pit in my stomach and my head felt like it was carrying a ton of bricks. I knew I needed therapy. I made a point to secretly talk to my school counselor, cuz you know, mental health’s a huge taboo in my community.

I sat down at the lunch table, where to my surprise, Asifa, Nisha, Raj and Riyaj (since when? OMG) were already sitting there, gawking at me.

“Uh… Hey, guys??” I asked, surprised that all four of them were staring at me, grinning from ear to ear. Asifa and Riyaj were even holding something behind their backs. “Oh, hey, Riyaj. Welcome to the table.”

Riyaj made a mock bow. “It’s an honor, your Majesty.”

“Shruti Sundaram,” Raj began as he, Nisha and Riyaj stood up. “Get. Ready. To. Be. Bamboozled.”

“SHRUTI SHRUTI SHRUTI!” The four of them sang to my astonishment, booping their head up and down. “SHROOMYSHROOMYSHROOMYSHROOMY!”

"Have you guys been hanging out with my brother?” I playfully scoffed as they spun around and became ducks.

“SHROOM TEA SHROOM TEA SHROOM TEA! WE LOVE YOU, POOKIE!” The four of them screamed, throwing jazz hands.

I burst out laughing so hard that my stomach hurt. “You guys! What the heck!”

“Shruti, we have some stuff for you,” Nisha said, as Raj handed me a folder sized poster that said WE LOVE YOU SHRUTI!!! in all caps, with heartfelt messages from each person. Even Riyaj, though I didn’t know him that well.

“Behold, le piece de resistance,” Asifa smiled as she handed me a little booklet and a warm chocolate chip cookie.

“What the heck? Did you bake this?” I exclaimed in absolute surprise.

“Um, she abso-fuckin-lutely did,” Raj spoke for her. My jaw fell open as Asifa proudly smirked.

“Ahem, three failed batches later, ahem,” Nisha teased as Asifa playfully shoved her.

“I’ll save the cookie for my after lunch dessert,” I said, gingerly taking the sweet, vanilla-ey smelling cookie which was wrapped in parchment paper. My focus was taken by the little booklet with a derpy birb on the cover. “What’s that?” I curiously asked, pointing at the little booklet in Asifa’s hand.

Asifa smiled, handing me the booklet. “See for yourself.”

My jaw dropped to the floor as I flipped through illustrations of all my favorite recipes, drawn in a cutesy way with washi tape, glitter gel pen, calligraphy and all other fancy stuff.

“We love you and we’re always here for you,” Raj smiled as I finally got to the page with Asifa’s heartfelt message to me. Tears formed in my eyes.

People do care about me.

“I love you guys,” I said, a tear spilling out of my eyes as the five of us went into a huge group hug. “Thank you so much.”

“Shruti, we’re always here for you. Always. Forever. Understand me?” Nisha asked as we continued hugging.

“We know what you’re going through,” Raj told me. “And we’re here for you every step of the way.”

“I barely know you but I know you’re one of the best people I know,” Riyaj told me. “And I’m looking forward to becoming good friends with you.”

“You guys are the best,” I said. “I couldn’t ask for anything more than a bunch of great friends.”

“Uh, yeah, you can. You deserve the world,” Nisha contradicted me. That’s it. I was hysterically sobbing now as my friends cried too, and the five of us just held each other in the center of the cafeteria, not caring if the whole cafeteria could see each other.

I was seen and heard and loved. I had a bunch of best friends who were there for me in my darkest moments, and who would never let me follow. I had solace.

And I was never gonna let them go. Together, we would come out of the dirt and see the light.

Together.

I would never walk alone.