Lia's Tale

Disappointment Part 2

It's too much time, I feel like it's too much time. I'm tired of waiting, and my anxiety is through the roof. People keep entering and leaving the place, and every time they leave, their faces show only pure disappointment. What could be happening in there?! Sometimes I wish I were the first for simple reasons: the audience treats you well, they always expect something good, and most importantly, the first impression is everything. But... why do I feel like it's different here? Too many bad vibes give me goosebumps, and now my foot is starting to move uncontrollably.- Relax, will you? - Karla pulls me out of my thoughts.- What do you mean? I'm relaxed. - I just forced a smile so much, even I noticed it.- That's it! Smile like that to the audience, and maybe they'll see that you're perfect for horror movie roles. - Sometimes her sarcasm drives me crazy.- We've been here too long! I hate being the last one! - I'm too agitated, and I think people around me are noticing.- Hey, me too, and I'm not even the one auditioning. But it's normal, these things take time. Everyone here is giving their best, just like you. Good things don't happen in five minutes, right? - I think even she's annoyed, but she's right. I'm not the only one who wants to achieve something.- Number 172, it's your turn! - That lady sure has energy. She's been calling numbers since this morning and she's still going strong. That's having a good voice.Even though it's almost my turn, my hands are shaking and I don't think I'm thinking clearly.- What's wrong now? I don't like your face. Are you okay? - I think this is what they call a crisis. I can't breathe, and my chest hurts more and more. - Lía! You're scaring me, are you okay?- I think I want to go to the bathroom. - Those are the only words that come out of my mouth.- You're not planning to run away, are you? That would be too embarrassing, you know. - I won't lie, it crossed my mind.- No, I won't. I just want to go to the bathroom. - I still feel my chest tightening, this sensation is so strange. Of course, what I feel is fear.Despite the bad smell of this place, somehow I feel safe. I don't know what I'm hiding from or why I'm doing it. I came to achieve my dream, no one is forcing me to do anything. My friend believes in me, even if my family doesn't. Don't cry, Lía, I forbid you!As I'm about to leave, some girls enter, and without intending to, I overhear their conversation.- A lot of people came this year.- Yes, much more than last year.- What a shame, they only come for publicity.- Don't talk about that here! - I don't know why I didn't leave, but something told me not to.- Why not? Nothing is the same anymore. This place is more about the name than what it used to represent.- It's true, but if we don't shut up, we'll also lose what matters most to us.- It's not fair. Don't you miss that feeling of joy every time you're on stage?- Yes, and luckily we still have it.- But it's not the same, they only choose who benefits them. - I don't want to keep listening, my heart... I think it's going to explode.- This year, they already know who's going to pass the test. They're all mom and dad's kids. - I don't want to be here! My head screams to run, but my legs are shaking so much they won't move.- Let's go, we have things to do.- Yes, it's awful, so much effort and it's worth nothing.Why do I feel like I already knew what was happening? From the beginning, no one had a chance. Money, connections, that's what interests them. Again, my heart hurts a lot, it hurts too much. My legs are trembling, I want to get out of here.- Lía, you're taking too long, and after this girl who just went in, it's your turn. What are you doing in there? - When I open the door, my friend's face goes pale as if she had seen someone dead in front of her eyes, but that's exactly how I feel. - What's wrong? Talk to me? Did someone do something to you? Tell me?! - Seeing her like this reminds me why she's my best friend and more than that, a sister. - Lía! Say something, you're scaring me! Don't cry... - Suddenly, I can't stop crying, tears keep falling from my eyes. What a horrible feeling.- There's no point in being here. - My voice keeps trembling.- What?- There's no point in being here! Everything is rigged! They already know who stays and who goes! - My voice fades into the silence of the place. - Something told me, but I just wanted to deny it. But how stupid I am, my grandfather was right, my dream is just that, a dream and nothing more.- So what? Are you going to give up? - Karla's expression has completely changed. I can't tell if it's anger or sadness for seeing me like this.- Didn't you hear? They...- They what? They haven't even seen you yet, they don't know what they're going to miss. I believe in you, and you should believe in yourself, that's more than enough.- But...- But what? You came here to win, not to lose. You're amazing, and you know it. You're tough, and believe me, I've seen you in that mode many times, and you always show me something good.- And now what do I do? This tough girl is tired of fighting.- This is just the beginning, and you're going to show them that you're worth it. So go out there and make them eat their words.I had forgotten, I'm not following a simple dream, it's a goal I've had since I can remember. I told myself I would achieve it no matter what. I just have to give my best, no, not just my best, it has to be much more than that.I wipe my tears and go outside. The fresh breeze soothes my whole body.- Number 174!- Here!- You're the last one, good luck. - Her smile doesn't give me any encouragement, so she knows too.- Success.- Excuse me? - She looks up again, and it's like she wants to challenge me to say otherwise.- I don't need luck. Success is the right word. - I look at my friend one last time and decide to go in.The place is a bit dark, but I see a light at the end. I take a deep breath and decide to step out.- You're the last one.- Yes. - Too much silence. They have anxious faces, not paying the slightest attention to what's in front of them.- Okay, did you prepare something?- Yes, it's something simple but shows various emotions in different situations.- Alright, let's get straight to the point. I don't want to keep wasting my time. - I won't deny that hurt, but now is not the time to cry. I won't let them win.Alright, get into character and do your best, Lía! I stand in the middle of the stage and focus on the script I wrote. I imagine I'm alone, everything is a white room, and from that moment, all my emotions flow.I feel like everything is going too fast. When I act, I completely forget what's around me, and it's just the script and me. It's like someone else has control of my body, and they show everything I feel and experience from what I do: joy, pain, hatred, anger. I focus so much on those facets that I think the role takes over me and gains complete control. My breathing becomes faster and faster, but it's like I've done this all my life. I don't feel embarrassed or have stage fright like many others. It's almost like saying I'm home. My performance ends, and I see everyone looking at me as if I were someone from another world, and deep down, I hear a familiar voice.- Bravo! You're incredible, Lía! You kicked their asses! - I'm very agitated, almost unable to speak, and speaking of embarrassment, I only feel it when she's around, although I appreciate it.- Alright. - He clears his throat. The man in the corner looks at me and says nothing else.- Thank you for the performance. Wait outside, please. - This time, it's a woman with an unfriendly face and a gruff voice.I walk out, and my friend suddenly hugs me from behind.- Oh my God! You were amazing! I couldn't stop watching you. It's just... my goodness... so intense! - I try to get her to be quiet, but even I'm excited.- Thanks for being there.- Of course! Did you think I would miss seeing you make them drool over you? - I have to laugh with her. - With this, they have to choose you, no doubt.- Congratulations. - It's the only thing I hear from the numbers lady.- Thanks. - It's all I can say.- See, even the snobby one congratulates you. - I had to give her a light push, sometimes she doesn't measure her words.- Shhh, do you want her to hear you?We leave there super happy and decide to take a little walk before heading out.- So, the list comes out tomorrow, right?- Yes, on the school's digital page.- And what are you going to tell your grandfather when he finds out?- Well, the first thing is that I'm going to apply for a scholarship, and then we'll see. I don't think it's good to fight every time I come back from school.- I'm going to miss you so much. - She starts to fake a dramatic cry.- How exaggerated! I can go out; I'm not going to be locked up. Besides, you might be able to stay there with me.- Ooh, is that an invitation, future Hollywood actress?- Don't exaggerate. Besides, the results aren't out yet.- I don't need to see them. It's sure that you'll get in, I don't doubt it.- I love your optimism, you know, it's unique.- Well, then we're going to party, right?- Mmm, I think so, why not?I shouldn't celebrate prematurely, but I feel like I need it, a little break wouldn't hurt, right?